Posts Tagged 'love'

221. The explosion

P1000215

One of us complained about a headache. It was the evening talk on a retreat. We all sat around our master. And it was way into the night. When he finished talking this friend raised his hand and complained.

Your headache is just a wandering thought, the master said.

I don’t remember what was spoken after that because this sentence hit me strongly. I would not be able to explain it, but I knew that this was true.

I also had a headache. I was exhausted from the intense concentration that I used in my meditation all through the day.

Soon after the conversation ended we meditated again. The sentence repeated itself in my head. It is true, I thought. The way my body feels is a wandering thought. And just like with every other wandering thought, I can let it go.

Then there was an explosion in my neck. The head was blown away. The throat remained torn to scraps. I saw this clearly as I was floating in the air behind myself. I was very peaceful and in wonder. There was no time.

Now I understand some of it. The pain is a result of a thought. This is clear. Everything that we experience is a result of thoughts that we believe. The experience is not always exactly as we anticipate, but it always matches our vibrational state.

My teacher and many other teachers never explained this. They prefer to leave things mysterious. Or they do not want to give us the knowledge to change our reality. They want us to transcend it.

When I started the blog I knew that the pain and the malfunctioning of the body came from thoughts. I knew that if I released the beliefs that created the malfunctioning, the fundamental belief that creates the body in its healthy state would take back the controls and the body would heal. This is the direction that I took and there is the evidence for it in the blog. But I am still with the malfunction and the pain. Many times lately I felt desperate, tired of the struggle. I wanted to give up. But I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to rest. If it would lead to the death of the body than let it be so.

My essence, the truth of who I am, cannot be harmed.

I think part of my struggle is because I do not want to lose the fight with the powers that, as I imagined, wanted to block me from developing. This struggle belongs to a non-existent figure. I can let it go now. I wrote about this kind of struggle and I can write again in another entry. The interest in finding the way to heal myself should, as I truly believe and as I teach my clients, come from curiosity, playfulness, love, peace and joy. Coming from these energies that are the natural energy of all of us, it cannot be a struggle. It can only be a joy. There should not be a difference between the true expression of who I am and healing. In other words this means that in order to heal we need to be in the energy of the truth of who we are.

So I allowed myself to enter with my boat into the river of who I am, throw the oars away and let the stream take me.

All that I wrote after the end of the healing descriptions (after #58) was about living in the downstream direction.

When the pain is great I loose sight of this sometimes and the old I appears. Maybe I can allow the pain to kill me, bend me down and break me apart? Maybe I can let the head explode and disappear. I can live without a head.

214. The rebellion in the neck

An unsettled, settled man.

Contemplating head, stormy body and a rebellious neck

If this is a person, then his head looks as if it is planning something. But when you go down to the body, you find it quite emotional. My sense of structure cried out for some stability and this is why the pencil frames appeared, as building blocks that provide some stable interpretation of what is too raw and unplanned. In spite of the frames being so light, the emotions pay respect to them, and they do not go far away from the frames. Or you can say that the frames were sensitive to the rawness of the emotions and framed them only lightly.

In the neck, the free expression of the emotions has to change, so that the lower part can create a connection with the thinking mode of the head. And it is here that some rebellion happens (in blue). The emotions do not want to convert themselves into logic

What do you wish for this man?

That love will be the arranger of the expression of his life and its uniqueness.

And this whole picture explains why it is a bit hard for this person to speak right now. Voice comes from the neck, doesn’t it?

208. i and I

I have not written for the blog for a long time. The reason is that I constantly change. In a strange way I do not know who I am, because every time I look to see, it is someone else. Is this an exaggeration? Yes. The changes are small but enough to bewilder me. I am happy to discover something new and before I have enough time to celebrate my discovery, the next insight comes in. What do I do for this to happen? I keep improving my mood. This is all I do. Improving the mood is like going higher on the mountain of vibrations and knowing. From a slightly higher point you see more of the landscape. Knowing is not a function of learning but of going to a higher vibration, from which more is known.

We are a mystery, aren’t we? Science is admired in our society as the discipline that will bring solutions to all of our problems. Science is way ahead of what the general pubic knows, but far behind what people with access to the depth of who we are know. This is the kind of knowledge that we all need now. The solutions to our problems will come through love, joy, and more playfulness.

The true thing is playing

i and I

Flying with ease.

Undecided about what it is,

It collects some unnecessary shapes.

It is funny in this way.

But what is beautiful is that the true essence is in it too:

The innocence, the playfulness of a child, the ease of smiling,

the subtle knowing.

It is i and I together.

Or is it you and YOU?

192. Desire

Yes/no together

Yes/no together

I have been doing a series of drawings about desire. It just came up and I let it be.

Here is one more painting about desire. But desire is becoming more and more beautiful. And here I am starting to know about the way of coming out of addictions, if this is what you want to do. It is through the discovery of the beauty in it. The seeing that it is absolutely beautiful and as good as anything else, so it loses the allure of the rebellion and stays as one possibility out of the infinite number of them.

And then, once it is not a rebellion any more, you choose by your bigger intention or any other consideration, like playfulness, love etc. When your choice starts to be from this love, curiosity, care, playfulness, which are the makeup of who we are, you are OK.

So I am thinking about the people who will look at this drawing/painting, and they may not know on their own that this is about desire. What to do for them?

The first is to say so and they may believe me. Why not?

Then I’d say: Look at how the green and the orange play with each other. They are not completely harmonious or in agreement. There is intensity in each of them but they oppose each other. They push each other away. But they are playing together here, aren’t they?

And this is typical about desire. There is a mixture of wanting and not wanting, a hunger and a chase, a yes/no, yes/no, which fuels the desire. (A yes/no is the energetic source of everything in our world. Maybe I should write about it in the future?) It is a very strange thing indeed, of a suffering and a satisfaction together at the same time. A want more, want more, must have more, which I don’t yet have, which motivates the chase and the pursuit and the activity.

Then look at the ochre, which is a softer version of both the orange and the green. It somehow connects them and softens everything with a sense of being a human being, a friend, a collaborator.

Then look at the brown, which is like the secretive fertile source.

Look at the shapes of the lines all over the painting, which are softly sensual, touching everywhere, almost tickling. And the whole is a like a strange flower that grew by the rules of yes/no on its own from this mud of existence, which is nothing else but the energy of the universe, colored by us as dark, sensual, lack/fulfillment experience.

Has it become clearer?

So, again, I am discovering the infinite richness of what is considered by some as not so good, has to happen but the less the better, etc.

Looking at this and finding that it is nothing but one more of the infinite appearances of the all that is, takes the judgment out from it. With no judgment, you free yourself from the attachment to it, and like everything else it becomes the face of infinity.

191. Dont worry, go with the energy

This is who we are

This is who we are

I am moved

Because it is beautiful for me

Meaning, Something from home

Love coming through

There is an external story

Of shapes doing

Like, maybe, a tree grows on a rock

Maybe it is turning into a monster

Doing strange things

But inside

In a one two three rhythm

We go from total darkness

To the blue sky

Or a lake

It is ancient

It has always been here

And we have been looking

The outside has muscles

The inside is a whispering light

Of love

This is how we are

And this is how everything comes to us

To see the dark of night

And the blue of the sky

This is how we are.

 

 

Author’s note:

 

Words float on energy

Like colorful mosaic stones

On the concrete

Of a wall

The wall holds everything

The concrete flows from floor to ceiling

The stones don’t have to hold the wall

That’s the way I write

Spontaneously

The words

Float in energy

The energy connects all

The words don’t have

To do the same job

That’s why

My text is skipping

Don’t worry

Go with the energy.

182. Father came to visit in a dream

For some time, faces wanted to come into my abstract drawings. It took me some time to let them in. They were persistent.

Someone appears

Someone appears

An eye and a nose

An eye and a nose

Almost a face

Almost a face

A face

A face

Late at night, which is already the next day’s morning, on 4/2/14 I came to my table to write:

I see now and admire the child, the little child, furious and angry, and taking upon himself to punish himself forever for his belief that he killed his father. He came to my drawings too.

 

The furious child

The furious child

I love him so much and admire him for his undertaking. If I had to choose the child that I could be, this is the one I would choose.

But he is punishing me now.

And even now, when I am almost 70, I am not sure yet: Have I killed my father?

I feel the child’s presence in me or in the same space that I occupy, being some form of energy like me. I am him and he is me.

How do I solve this?

My father came to me this night in a dream, very close. I felt his unshaved beard on my cheek, maybe as I did experience in my childhood. He came to show me that he loves me.  I know he does not carry anger from that time. I met him before.

I wake up and come to my studio to write.

Father, did I kill you as a child? Did you die because I thought that I wanted you to die?

No kid. I died because I had it in my own mind that I would die. You cannot kill anybody really. Every one of us determines his own life experiences.

But I wanted you to die so that I’d have Mom for myself. And indeed you died. So from my perspective I killed you.

You are not real, Giora. “You” is an illusion. All the stories that you create are illusions. No one can ever die in truth, because he does not really exist. So it is like a movie, where one actor shoots another actor and nothing happens except for the illusion that it did.

Do I have to be angry at myself? Do I have to punish myself?

No. You are god playing. And what a story you have created! Your pain is an illusion too. In truth, nothing can ever happen to you. So you had created this horrific story. Now you know it is not real. And you know that you are pure love, still playing in this illusion of life on earth. You can choose differently. You can choose to live happily and healthily. You can change the whole story from its beginning to its end. It is like one of your children’s books. You are in control. Change the story. Make it so that your father lived for many years after the war. Make it so that you have lived with a father who loved you every day. Make it so that you are still loving and laughing together about all the stories that you participated in together. It is my deeper aspect who is talking now.

Look at the whole universe that you have created and keep creating all the time. You can change a little detail in this huge thing. You can understand that it was just a choice of the plot line.

But if it is only a story and not real, why would I want to change it?

For the same reason that you keep changing your story all the time. To make it feel better. To experience other experiences in this illusion game. Don’t you want to see how it is to live without that guilt, without withholding love?

It is up to you of course. But we (My deeper aspect talks as “we” sometimes) want you to feel better, so that you will create better places and lives. Your character does not need to suffer at all.

This child that you were in your story was indeed admirable. You can love him still. And you can give him a better life. Let him learn how to be healthy, how to live without guilt and self-punishment. Let him soar.

179. Can’t describe (For Anita’s birthday)

 

Nature is crazy about you

Nature is crazy about you

The natural world is crazy about you

Your energy responds

By getting warm in places

The wooden deck is growing suns

And acting like a down quilt

I can’t describe in words

How nature loves

Forget the words

And you will know.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.


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