Posts Tagged 'love'

182. Father came to visit in a dream

For some time, faces wanted to come into my abstract drawings. It took me some time to let them in. They were persistent.

Someone appears

Someone appears

An eye and a nose

An eye and a nose

Almost a face

Almost a face

A face

A face

Late at night, which is already the next day’s morning, on 4/2/14 I came to my table to write:

I see now and admire the child, the little child, furious and angry, and taking upon himself to punish himself forever for his belief that he killed his father. He came to my drawings too.

 

The furious child

The furious child

I love him so much and admire him for his undertaking. If I had to choose the child that I could be, this is the one I would choose.

But he is punishing me now.

And even now, when I am almost 70, I am not sure yet: Have I killed my father?

I feel the child’s presence in me or in the same space that I occupy, being some form of energy like me. I am him and he is me.

How do I solve this?

My father came to me this night in a dream, very close. I felt his unshaved beard on my cheek, maybe as I did experience in my childhood. He came to show me that he loves me.  I know he does not carry anger from that time. I met him before.

I wake up and come to my studio to write.

Father, did I kill you as a child? Did you die because I thought that I wanted you to die?

No kid. I died because I had it in my own mind that I would die. You cannot kill anybody really. Every one of us determines his own life experiences.

But I wanted you to die so that I’d have Mom for myself. And indeed you died. So from my perspective I killed you.

You are not real, Giora. “You” is an illusion. All the stories that you create are illusions. No one can ever die in truth, because he does not really exist. So it is like a movie, where one actor shoots another actor and nothing happens except for the illusion that it did.

Do I have to be angry at myself? Do I have to punish myself?

No. You are god playing. And what a story you have created! Your pain is an illusion too. In truth, nothing can ever happen to you. So you had created this horrific story. Now you know it is not real. And you know that you are pure love, still playing in this illusion of life on earth. You can choose differently. You can choose to live happily and healthily. You can change the whole story from its beginning to its end. It is like one of your children’s books. You are in control. Change the story. Make it so that your father lived for many years after the war. Make it so that you have lived with a father who loved you every day. Make it so that you are still loving and laughing together about all the stories that you participated in together. It is my deeper aspect who is talking now.

Look at the whole universe that you have created and keep creating all the time. You can change a little detail in this huge thing. You can understand that it was just a choice of the plot line.

But if it is only a story and not real, why would I want to change it?

For the same reason that you keep changing your story all the time. To make it feel better. To experience other experiences in this illusion game. Don’t you want to see how it is to live without that guilt, without withholding love?

It is up to you of course. But we (My deeper aspect talks as “we” sometimes) want you to feel better, so that you will create better places and lives. Your character does not need to suffer at all.

This child that you were in your story was indeed admirable. You can love him still. And you can give him a better life. Let him learn how to be healthy, how to live without guilt and self-punishment. Let him soar.

179. Can’t describe (For Anita’s birthday)

 

Nature is crazy about you

Nature is crazy about you

The natural world is crazy about you

Your energy responds

By getting warm in places

The wooden deck is growing suns

And acting like a down quilt

I can’t describe in words

How nature loves

Forget the words

And you will know.

177. The bird is infinite

She wants to fly up and up and far

She wants to fly up and up ad far

 

The bird is infinite

 

She wants to fly up and up and far

But tears attach her to the sea of sorrow

Her ideas limit her

The rock of pain

Threaten to block her

 

The sea is wide

The angels watch and cannot interfere

Their heart cries out

Come, come, sweet bird

You can

 

And what’s the source of power?

It’s in the knowing

That her mind

navigates

Her thinking

Moves her

 

Think flying on

Think delighting in the life on earth

Think love given and received

 

And if one day

All your ideas will cease

Where will you find yourself?

Sweet bird

Where will you be?

 

And aren’t you already there

Right now?

176. Moving fingers and toes

Microbes

Microbes

In the middle is a package

With a secret

Of unknown consequences

All other things in this picture could be microbes

With a very elaborate social order

And rules of conduct

But in spite of that

They cannot contain their joy

For just being able to move their fingers

And toes

And they keep doing it

Secretly

But since all of them are doing it

They discover each other

In new ways

And through their joyous smiles

Become one

With no beginning

And end

Enfolding endless possibilities

Of love.

172. Change

 

The old habits are transparent

The old habits are transparent

Light takes the place of flesh

And we see

A light being

Love

Has made the change

 

The old body is bent

The old features slowly move

The habits

Have become

Transparent

 

An inside change

Is taking place

A new program is installed

The old stone foundation

Is fading out.

169. An inner conflict

An inner conflict

An inner conflict

Obviously there is in this drawing something that grows. And also there is a relationship. The relationship is between two groups. The green and brown is one group and the yellow and ochre is the second group.

The yellow and the ochre are free from attachment to the ground. They are transparent and interpenetrating with everything else. They are light and there is a feeling about them of playfulness and curiosity.

It seems there is love between the two groups, a lot of love.

But it also seems that the green/brown group has some inner conflict.

The brown is stiffened. It almost does not have any flexibility. The green is very flexible, soft and responsive. Both of them, the green and the brown are attached to the ground.

While the brown is stiff and cannot move, the green is extending its arms to the right side, to embrace the yellow and ochre group, but at the same time it leans backward to the left. So you can see the inner conflict. And it is funny, you see? With such loving creatures coming to you with playfulness and joy, what is there to shrink from?

I am not going to go into more detail. It is up to you now, if you want to expand on this, for your own delight.

165. I don’t have words for this

 

Momentary shape

Momentary shape

I don’t have words for this

As it happens lately

Things are beautiful and transparent

The essential wellbeing

Doesn’t take these structures seriously

All are landscapes of the mind

And joy to play with

It does not matter what they do

I’m here

I’m love

All is good.

162. His eternal joy

 

The ongoing creation of the world

The ongoing creation of the world

Today is the birthday of Giora

And even though he was never born

He is saying thanks

For this amazing event

That led to the ongoing creation

Of his world

Which is beautiful beyond description

And led to his involvement with the truth of love

With the wondrous path to be back in alignment

With the truth

With his home

With his beloved

His enthusiasm

And his eternal joy.

159. Lines across the path

Lines across the path

Lines across the path

The soft lines of ploughed earth

End at the foot of the hills

Where the flow of green

Also stops

Red in the sky warns you

That it can turn black

 

And even here

At the beginning of your trip

Where you can touch the earth

With bare feet

There is a branch across your path

Are you sure you want to go?

 

And the river speaks for you

Saying yes.

I did not like this drawing so much and it lay on the table for a while.

The “reading” was so simple and straight forward. You just describe what you see and you have the meaning.

So many times it is like this, in life too, that the secret is hidden in plain sight.

It is about resistance: The fear of moving in your flow. If you want to flow, change the subject of your trust from habits to  love.

142. process with three pictures

The night was torturous.

The pain, which used to be concentrated in one place, spread to bigger areas and to both feet. I don’t know how to describe it so that you will be able to really have a sense of what it is. It is a big experience. Waves after waves of tremendous energy pass through the feet, and hurt as they pass through the hurting places. The hurt is so strong that all my body stiffens, and sometimes, jerky movements happen to the feet and the rest of the body. I clutch with my hands anything that is near them. There is fear of the pain in my stomach and chest, pressure in my throat. There are very few thoughts in my head. I am an old hand. I become the viewer, the spectator of all of these. I let them happen. I gradually calm my reactions and then, sometimes, the pain is reduced. Sometimes I depart from the body and fill the room or the neighborhood. Sometimes I let my imagination take me anywhere it wants to go and I end up in far away places. The pain calls me back and I become the spectator again. Sometimes I force myself to see myself walking in nature, riding my bicycle, swimming, sitting on a hilltop and looking at mountains and rivers.

There is a tremor throughout all the nervous system. If I fall asleep, I wake up after a short while, half an hour or an hour and my whole body shakes strongly from the pain.

I don’t know if this describes my experience well enough. I hope you get some feeling of it. Don’t dwell on it. This is just the beginning. It is going to get better.

This night I did not fall asleep. The pain was too strong and too disturbing. At 2 AM I came to make a drawing, to see what was going on.

And this is the drawing I made.

Darkness strangling the light

Darkness strangling the light

I immediately wrote about it with words that came easily, even though I was so tired and longing to sleep.

 

All the forces of the dark

And all the possibilities of pain

Come to conquer the light

 If the light dies

There is no conflict

Any more

The story ends

And what is left

Is love

Everywhere.

 

Between 4 and 7 I slept three times, for less than an hour every period.

The last sentence that came to me made a big difference in my mood. Or maybe it was a small difference. How can you know?

There are people and guides who advise to acknowledge the pain, to say thank you for its service, as it has pushed me really hard to the life of dedication to being connected with the eternity that I am.

Some guides spoke about how lucky I was to have had something that not just prodded me but really pushed me so hard. Then, after acknowledging, the guides say, move yourself into the condition that you choose. You do this with the imagination, and you make sure that you stay in the feeling of being in such a state, experiencing it as thoroughly as you can. This is the two pronged approach that I actually like.

But I know of another one too, which is more natural. It says: Just see what is going on in the subconscious and let it go. In its place, a better state will arise. This series of drawings and writings presents this second way.

So in the morning, after the usual morning activities, I do a second drawing. There have been many times, in which I did the drawings soon after one another. This time I felt that every drawing gave me some fulfillment and I needed some time to let it do its work in my subconscious, before I started the next drawing. When it felt right I did the next one. Here it is. My question was again: What is going on in my subconscious now?

 

Running right, looking left

Running righ, looking left

 

And this is the text that came spontaneously when the drawing was done.

 

I feel I am running in two directions

I want to know

That I’m okay already

And do not have to run

Anywhere

I am running very fast

And look back as I run

I hesitate

I’d like to calm down

And run nowhere

Anymore

Everybody is running

I feel I should be running too

But I stopped to ask

What are we escaping?

Maybe I do not have to run?

Maybe I can stay here?

What difference does it make

To an infinite being?

 

You can see that the mood is totally different. There is movement, hesitation and the dawning of a deeper experience.

 

I did a few scheduled things and after about an hour I drew again, with the same question.

 

The baby with the seeds of creation

The baby with the seeds of creation 

And wrote again.

 

The child of wonder

With seeds of all kinds

Is being loved beyond measure

By the guides

Is supported all the time

And all is just 

The way it should be.

 

This ended the process this time. It helped change my mood in a big way. Feeling being loved always makes a big difference. These are my experiences these days. They are available to you too, of course in your own unique ways.

 

And just to make sure that you know: In the words for the first drawing I mentioned dark forces. Just know: There are no bad forces in the universe, unless you make them in your imagination. You really don’t have to make them. Believe me. Release all your inventions and you’ll find that the universe infinitely loves.


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 171 other followers

My Pages

The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 171 other followers