Posts Tagged 'subconscious'

221. The explosion

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One of us complained about a headache. It was the evening talk on a retreat. We all sat around our master. And it was way into the night. When he finished talking this friend raised his hand and complained.

Your headache is just a wandering thought, the master said.

I don’t remember what was spoken after that because this sentence hit me strongly. I would not be able to explain it, but I knew that this was true.

I also had a headache. I was exhausted from the intense concentration that I used in my meditation all through the day.

Soon after the conversation ended we meditated again. The sentence repeated itself in my head. It is true, I thought. The way my body feels is a wandering thought. And just like with every other wandering thought, I can let it go.

Then there was an explosion in my neck. The head was blown away. The throat remained torn to scraps. I saw this clearly as I was floating in the air behind myself. I was very peaceful and in wonder. There was no time.

Now I understand some of it. The pain is a result of a thought. This is clear. Everything that we experience is a result of thoughts that we believe. The experience is not always exactly as we anticipate, but it always matches our vibrational state.

My teacher and many other teachers never explained this. They prefer to leave things mysterious. Or they do not want to give us the knowledge to change our reality. They want us to transcend it.

When I started the blog I knew that the pain and the malfunctioning of the body came from thoughts. I knew that if I released the beliefs that created the malfunctioning, the fundamental belief that creates the body in its healthy state would take back the controls and the body would heal. This is the direction that I took and there is the evidence for it in the blog. But I am still with the malfunction and the pain. Many times lately I felt desperate, tired of the struggle. I wanted to give up. But I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to rest. If it would lead to the death of the body than let it be so.

My essence, the truth of who I am, cannot be harmed.

I think part of my struggle is because I do not want to lose the fight with the powers that, as I imagined, wanted to block me from developing. This struggle belongs to a non-existent figure. I can let it go now. I wrote about this kind of struggle and I can write again in another entry. The interest in finding the way to heal myself should, as I truly believe and as I teach my clients, come from curiosity, playfulness, love, peace and joy. Coming from these energies that are the natural energy of all of us, it cannot be a struggle. It can only be a joy. There should not be a difference between the true expression of who I am and healing. In other words this means that in order to heal we need to be in the energy of the truth of who we are.

So I allowed myself to enter with my boat into the river of who I am, throw the oars away and let the stream take me.

All that I wrote after the end of the healing descriptions (after #58) was about living in the downstream direction.

When the pain is great I loose sight of this sometimes and the old I appears. Maybe I can allow the pain to kill me, bend me down and break me apart? Maybe I can let the head explode and disappear. I can live without a head.

209. Traveling with my clients

I am leafing through blocks of mixed-media-paper that hold drawings and readings from between May 12th and today, May 25th.

It is amazing to find that all the drawings dealt with the same issue, and that there is a movement there. I was not aware of these as I drew and read every day. They say that if you try to heal yourself, you have a fool for a doctor. But it is not so if you use this method (and a few others). The seeing and understanding with the method are not of the ego-self. The ego-self can easily be fooled by the resisting subconscious. But when the viewing is done by a deeper state of us, deeper than thinking, this view includes the struggle and the resistance that the subconscious performs. It is this view, that makes it possible to see that the resistance is an old choice that may not be serving us any more and that we can now choose differently, if we so desire. The deeper state is a wise and loving state, because it leaves our free choice intact. It only shows us two things: what is going on in the subconscious, and how do we feel about our struggle state. Being in this deeper state that we entered through the process of drawing intuitively, we naturally tend to choose what makes us feel better. This is what guides the choice and this is what creates the movement.

I wrote about this before in this blog, in a slightly different way. I wrote that being in the viewer state we are in a happier mood than the mood of the struggle, and if we have more of the happier mood, the less happy state dissolves. That is true too and these are only different ways to speak about the same thing.

So my subconscious continues dealing with the same issue, and all the people who come to me for therapy during my focused attention on this subject, present different aspects of dealing with the same issue. If I want to help them resolve their aspects of the issue, I’ll have to resolve my aspect first (it can happen through my work with them, but not only).

This gets closer to the true meaning of therapy.

I decided to present some of the drawings and readings from these three books.

I’ll present each drawing in a separate entry, day after day, and it will take about two weeks.

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This is the first. There were many before. This is a part of the page. I decided to start from this as it is a view from outside in a way, and later the eyes go inwards, in the later drawings.

Then tears have made a lake

An old dream

An old dream

Standing in the water

It used to be

A joyful flying machine

With a golden heart

Now it is barren

The paint is peeling

The tears have made

A lake.

Then I asked my inner guide what to do. He said: Go live in it. Take one room and one window. Grow a plant. Play music. Create. Make a huge space in your heart for me, and thrive. Do only what you love.

156. One poem with three names

1. The Green

2. The Habits and the Flow

3. The Human Condition 

The reds go to the green

The reds go to the green

But he is overwhelmed and afloat

The river flows rigorously by him

And everywhere else

He remembers the river from a dream

 

The browns are curious, supportive and showing the way

Just as the lines of his drawings are

And the Green welcomes them

 

There are golden drops all over the place

I told you he is overwhelmed

I did not tell you it is joy

 

The reds are riding in dutifully

Hoping they are in the right direction

Reminding of biblical tribes of nomads

Who always go to where the green goes. 

A few notes: 

The nomads who follow the green are the subconscious habits that we have. Of course I did not think this when I wrote the poem. You try to escape them by changing your life and there they are with you again.

This is a description of my life at the moment. Of course I did not think so when I wrote it. The lines help me a lot to see clearly.

The joy is all over the place, in the curiosity, in the creativity, in the love, in the beauty, in itself.

The poem has power because it speaks in pre-language. You put words to it but it is the pre-language that speaks.

The river was seen sharply and clearly in a deep state, showing me that the flow of real life is always right here with us, strong and eternal.

Why is the green the hero?

About satisfaction: 

When beauty is created through you there is satisfaction.

It is the beauty that came through, that puts you in wonder, provoking deep appreciation and thankfulness, that you can also call satisfaction.

You feel you did something that is meaningful. You expanded, surprisingly. You have more love now. This is satisfaction.

Do you need anything? No. Thanks. Everything is OK.

142. process with three pictures

The night was torturous.

The pain, which used to be concentrated in one place, spread to bigger areas and to both feet. I don’t know how to describe it so that you will be able to really have a sense of what it is. It is a big experience. Waves after waves of tremendous energy pass through the feet, and hurt as they pass through the hurting places. The hurt is so strong that all my body stiffens, and sometimes, jerky movements happen to the feet and the rest of the body. I clutch with my hands anything that is near them. There is fear of the pain in my stomach and chest, pressure in my throat. There are very few thoughts in my head. I am an old hand. I become the viewer, the spectator of all of these. I let them happen. I gradually calm my reactions and then, sometimes, the pain is reduced. Sometimes I depart from the body and fill the room or the neighborhood. Sometimes I let my imagination take me anywhere it wants to go and I end up in far away places. The pain calls me back and I become the spectator again. Sometimes I force myself to see myself walking in nature, riding my bicycle, swimming, sitting on a hilltop and looking at mountains and rivers.

There is a tremor throughout all the nervous system. If I fall asleep, I wake up after a short while, half an hour or an hour and my whole body shakes strongly from the pain.

I don’t know if this describes my experience well enough. I hope you get some feeling of it. Don’t dwell on it. This is just the beginning. It is going to get better.

This night I did not fall asleep. The pain was too strong and too disturbing. At 2 AM I came to make a drawing, to see what was going on.

And this is the drawing I made.

Darkness strangling the light

Darkness strangling the light

I immediately wrote about it with words that came easily, even though I was so tired and longing to sleep.

 

All the forces of the dark

And all the possibilities of pain

Come to conquer the light

 If the light dies

There is no conflict

Any more

The story ends

And what is left

Is love

Everywhere.

 

Between 4 and 7 I slept three times, for less than an hour every period.

The last sentence that came to me made a big difference in my mood. Or maybe it was a small difference. How can you know?

There are people and guides who advise to acknowledge the pain, to say thank you for its service, as it has pushed me really hard to the life of dedication to being connected with the eternity that I am.

Some guides spoke about how lucky I was to have had something that not just prodded me but really pushed me so hard. Then, after acknowledging, the guides say, move yourself into the condition that you choose. You do this with the imagination, and you make sure that you stay in the feeling of being in such a state, experiencing it as thoroughly as you can. This is the two pronged approach that I actually like.

But I know of another one too, which is more natural. It says: Just see what is going on in the subconscious and let it go. In its place, a better state will arise. This series of drawings and writings presents this second way.

So in the morning, after the usual morning activities, I do a second drawing. There have been many times, in which I did the drawings soon after one another. This time I felt that every drawing gave me some fulfillment and I needed some time to let it do its work in my subconscious, before I started the next drawing. When it felt right I did the next one. Here it is. My question was again: What is going on in my subconscious now?

 

Running right, looking left

Running righ, looking left

 

And this is the text that came spontaneously when the drawing was done.

 

I feel I am running in two directions

I want to know

That I’m okay already

And do not have to run

Anywhere

I am running very fast

And look back as I run

I hesitate

I’d like to calm down

And run nowhere

Anymore

Everybody is running

I feel I should be running too

But I stopped to ask

What are we escaping?

Maybe I do not have to run?

Maybe I can stay here?

What difference does it make

To an infinite being?

 

You can see that the mood is totally different. There is movement, hesitation and the dawning of a deeper experience.

 

I did a few scheduled things and after about an hour I drew again, with the same question.

 

The baby with the seeds of creation

The baby with the seeds of creation 

And wrote again.

 

The child of wonder

With seeds of all kinds

Is being loved beyond measure

By the guides

Is supported all the time

And all is just 

The way it should be.

 

This ended the process this time. It helped change my mood in a big way. Feeling being loved always makes a big difference. These are my experiences these days. They are available to you too, of course in your own unique ways.

 

And just to make sure that you know: In the words for the first drawing I mentioned dark forces. Just know: There are no bad forces in the universe, unless you make them in your imagination. You really don’t have to make them. Believe me. Release all your inventions and you’ll find that the universe infinitely loves.

139. Walking in the rain is the right thing to do

I sat at my desk at 5 in the morning. I slept well till then and it made a big difference.

As I made the lines in this drawing I knew that I was very patient and that I listened to every line as it was made. There was no decision about where the line would go until it went, and I would change direction in the middle of a movement if I felt that this was the truth of the moment. I felt very clearly when it was time to end and I did not touch the drawing any more after that.

I looked at every color and collected the sentences that came to me when I looked at them. I mixed the sentences and fixed them a little until they made sense.

This is not new. I just wanted to say these things to those who came late to this blog. It is a process of looking in and connecting with intuition, to see what is going on in my subconscious or the dream state. The dream state always goes on, even when we do not dream consciously. It has a mixture of programs that are active now in the subconscious and can be released, plus ideas in support of our growth and expansion. If we listen to it, we always benefit. It is the place where our life is being created, the factory of manifesting. Everything that we see there while being in this deeper, intuitive state that enables the seeing is being released, just by having been seen. Its power to create ends. We create less and become simpler.

Being simpler means that we have less filters in our subconscious and allow the truth to come to us both from the word and from within. When it comes from within, this is intuition.

Here is the drawing I made:

Trees upside down in th rain

Trees upside down in the rain

And these are the words, after some playing with them:

Though forms of the non physical

Argue very softly and transparently

That nothing is real

Blood pouring softly as curtains

Is just a story

That does not want to leave

The fact that the trees went upside down

And the sun is coming as showers

Shows that every thing

Comes to bless

Everything else

Memories of wet mud

Are just eternity speaking

Walking in the rain

Is the right thing to do.

118. Full of curious life force

I am going through changes and for some time I felt as if I was floating in space in some way, not feeling like doing anything, because it was not clear to me why to act at all. A whole old paradigm, so to speak, became obsolete and the new paradigm is unfolding still.

I did a lot of drawings during this process and won’t be able to show them all to you. I never was able to sow all that I was doing. I try to show the important ones. Some of the work included pretty intense release of old programs from the subconscious. Thinking about what I intended to do, I found myself afraid one day and started to draw, which lead me to feel wanting to grow but escaping, then there was a big self cancellation, then an experience of shock, then anger and more anger, and eventually good feeling. This was done in twelve drawings and quick writing, in one evening and the morning that came after it.

Then there was a shorter, four pictures version of the same thing, as it repeated itself like an echo.

Then these two:

For the first, five short poems came, instead of a single long one.

Curious

Curious

As they are looking for something they forgot

They are making a tapestry

Of happy swimming.

Tickling each other pleasantly

Telling each other they cannot find their goal

They are full of curious life force.

Laughing

Sliding bodies

With open eyes.

Filling up the space

Many fish are

Swimming nowhere

To the sun they come

From the depths

Of darkness.

Looking at the drawing now I feel I did not express something about the quality of the lines in the lower part. They seem to be rotting. There is a Zen book called Swampland Flowers, which is a collection of letters written by master Ta Hui to a student, about how to practice in everyday life. The name means to hint at the idea that the lotus flower, which represents enlightenment, cannot grow in the clean fresh air of the mountains. It has to grow in the swamps of the valleys, where it is hot, humid and dirty.

I see in it all the joy that arises from all of my self-work and the peace I feel about pleasant, light hearted touching.

The next drawing is from two days later.

Touching lightly

Touching lightly

Standing one behind the other

Curious and interested in experiencing

The parts that were banned

And what a blessing it is

There are many ways of saying no

But the yes is one

And always there, inside of all of them

As it is

Forever true.

Looking at the two drawings and words you can see how things work themselves quietly in the subconscious. The constant exposure to the flow of intuition, or maybe I can call it the flow of truth, gradually dissolves everything that is not true and leaves what is true untouched, as it can never be taken away. It was a surprise for me when this happened, because I did not work on it knowingly. This too shows something about the method of intuitive flow. You just do the work, following what comes up and there is a wise order of what is being tackled, happening on its own, guided by deeper knowledge. We could not arrive at this wise order through thinking and analyzing. Life, as it turns out, is much easier than your think.

I remember working with a person who came to me to get rid of his depression. We worked on whatever showed up. Sometimes it was possible to see that it was related to the depression, and sometimes it was other things. Dealing with all that just floated up to our knowledge, one thing after another, one day there was no depression there any more. And this is for life, as all the mental software that created the depression, all that tapestry of many small issues, dissolved and was not there any more.

117. The green that overgrows

Burning casuarinas

Burning casuarinas

 The red sun is painting the foliage at dusk

Intensifying play reality

The green that overgrows

In the village of my youth

Is the shadow

Of the villagers’ lives

Look! Look!

The truck that you hear

Struggling up the little hill

Will soon appear

Among the burning casuarinas.

 

You may ask yourself: What does this have to do with the work of this blog? Why would memories of youth belong in a process of emptying out everything, that creates conflicting thoughts, from the subconscious, so that more and more of the light of being will come through, and more energy will go to all the places that need to heal?

This process now is like a very long meditation. Or maybe it is very short. I don’t know how to define it in these terms. Time and again I look into my subconscious while being in an intuitive flow and whatever is there, that intuition decides to show me, starts floating into my reality through the painting and the writing process. The unknown becomes known, while at the same time being let go of. You can see that there are feelings that were provoked. I think mainly they are love and playfulness, with the wonder of a child.

These were the years when I installed a lot of programs in my subconscious. Then they disappeared from the conscious mind and continued to work without control in the subconscious. This is part of the human condition. So when these memories arise they also touch on other programs from that time, like: These are important people; They are big and know what is right and what is wrong; I somehow depend on them and have to listen to what they say; If what they say and think contradicts what I feel, I have to cancel what I feel and start believing in what they say instead. But when I look at these programs through love, wonder and playfulness, they lose their power, because, looking with love, I experience how these programs actually block love. That’s how the light works. And now, that they are much less powerful for me, the wonder surfaces. This is what we see, and it is part of this process.

For some reason this is what intuition brought to the surface now. Intuition is my guide. And intuition is my healer. It says: Look! Look! And then it says: I am here to just see and love. This is the process. I am deeply thankful to the wonderfulness of this process. I invite you all to learn it and use it.

I know what some of you will think: Where is the article, in one of those boring journals, that will prove with numbers and quotes that this is true at all? Who are you to invent new things? You have a rich imagination, Giora. But can you please give me some graphs and numbers?

What to do?

What do you say?


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.


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