intuitiveflow

I started this painting in the afternoon after a day of revelations. I was satisfied. A door has opened for me into where all the questions about what I wanted to do came to rest. I’ll write about this sometime later.

In the painting, the drawing in grayish green came into the paper from above and started to create some form but then decided to go farther, guided by its own curiosity, into the white space. This indeed is not true. It is my curiosity. But sometimes you feel as if the line is someone with a life of its own.

Suddenly a friend called and I stopped painting. As in many other times, I had the thought that later I’d be able to pick up the drawing  where I left it.

We talked for a long time.

Looking again at the drawing later, I decided that it stopped just where it had to stop, and I switched myself to the color mode. In all that I do, I never just stick to a plan, regardless of circumstances. I see circumstances as signs from a deeper place in me that wants to be recognized. So I always take the challenge.

The painting progressed smoothly, with ideas coming to my imagination and being placed on the paper without any hesitation. I finished before I went to bed.

In all that time I did not really look at the painting as an observer. I was a participator, allowing the inner flow to be expressed on the paper. I left the painting for the night and planned to have a good look at it in the morning. But an impression was already in my mind.

The drawing gives the impression of something that was abruptly stopped. The colors show that something dramatic is happening, like fire. There is also a sense of some kind of steady rhythm, out of which the bursting of the fire happened. In the lower left, an uninviting lump of heaviness and sadness feels to be turning away from what is happening.

I could not sleep for some time. It was not the pain alone. There was some unsettledness in me. This unsettledness is what did not let me rest.

I got up and made a small drawing, asking: Let’s see what is happening in my mind.

It was strange this time when I wanted to read the drawing. I did not feel anything about any of the lines or shapes.

My work with others came to my mind. Many times when people had blank areas in their art where it felt as if something had to be, we found that these places actually contained something very meaningful that the ones who did the drawings did not want to experience again. A trauma is an example.

And remembering this, suddenly something came through. There is a feeling of shock in this drawing of mine. As if everything that was in motion froze in place, and all emotions were blocked. Or something in the field of my beliefs, that I invested much effort in building and sustaining, broke to pieces, and all reference points of my life lost their place. It is as if my world, the way I knew it, collapsed and disappeared. There was no way to know what was what and how to relate to it.

That’s trauma.

The pink shape adds a feeling of a soft body and blood that somehow are related to the experience.

So you see? When it seems that there is nothing to say, there is actually a lot to say.

The minute I discovered this, all my unrest disappeared, and I discovered my tiredness, which lead me to bed.

Also important to note that just knowing what is going on in the mind is enough for dismantling it. There is no need for doing anything else. Just to know. But the knowing must not be an intellectual knowing. It must be experiential, which can only happen when our vibration aligns with a deeper state that can also be called the true self. This state is accessed by how I do the drawing and how I do the reading. I mean, by allowing intuition do the art and the reading. There is more to it, and I wrote about this in the past and in my book (Opening Intuitive Flow Through Artwork).

This process that I just did is a spiritual path. It moves your identification to a deeper layer of yourself.  When you change yourself like this, the subconscious throws to the surface everything that does not fit to the new you, because it is of a lower vibes. You have a chance to become aware of it, and by doing this it leaves you. In most cases you have to do it many times.

Now I drew again, used some paint and you can see that I did calm down.