259. Don’t worry, Mama

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Under the drawing lines there are only two shapes. One is yellow. One is multi colored. The drawing lines above the second, bigger shape, were used as borders among the colors. The drawing and the multi colored shape became glued to each other through this. They became one.

But from the top of the multi color shape, the drawing continued to go out into the world and play.

-Come back, drawing. Time for dinner.

-But it is so much better to play out here. Do you hear, Mama? The yellow shape shouts “Catch me!” But no, I’m not going to hold on to anything. -Shine on, yellow. Be free like me. Don’t worry Mama. We are going to have a good time, all of us. Look: I’ve already made some fruit!

-Oy vey, my child is leaving…

(This was my subconscious.)

258. I am

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I am.

I think of A.

I make A out of myself.

In order for A to be A, it needs B all around it.

So B is created too just as I create A.

Now A, a part of me who is different from everything else, and B, also a part of me who is different, interact with each other. The interaction is an experience. I feel how the energy of the experience moves inside of me. I can feel it because it is different from the calm me.

Now, if I give A the ability to change at will, the result will be that different B’s will be created around the different A’s. And every pair of A and B will create a different experience in me.

When you are the only being in existence, you need to be innovative, if you want to somehow know that you are, or to know your potential.

Without creating you don’t know yourself.

Creating is the way to self-knowledge (and self-love).

If you ever have the question “Who am I?” Create, and you will know at least one way that you can be.

You will know much more. You will know yourself in a deeper way.

You will know satisfaction. You will know flexibility, you will know that magic is how things are always done, and you will know that there is no final knowledge. You will also know that there is no truth. There is only the now experience.

257. Layers

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Yesterday and today I did two new paintings. I did them small. You finish faster this way and are able to see what you made immediately.

I look at the second one now, the one I just finished.

The first one is also interesting to share and maybe it will be in the next entry.

I wonder again about the function of the second layer, the layer of the colors.

The way it looks in this painting is that the line-work is the story, rich in details, like reality itself. It also means that it has in it all the stories that I have used to create this reality. That’s just another way to say it.

And the colors layer with the simplified shapes is a second way to tell that same story. Only it is devoid of the dramas of the first layer and loaded with (my) sense of beauty, which is a characteristic of the language of the real.

These two layers/languages work together through me to create my experience of everything. I experience all the busy details with all the contrasts, difficulties, hesitations, scares and daringness. And I also experience the deeper play of the energies that reveal more beautiful mixtures as steps occur. Again, when I write ‘beautiful,’ I mean my experience of beauty. In the deeper layer there is a sense of peace that is not in the story level.

The lines can be irritating, worrisome, too fast to attend to in a full way, but the existence of the deeper view at the same time and in the same place gives the calm feeling of: everything is okay. We are moving from one beautiful thing to another. Things work together. It is a good world, hiding right under the busy illusion.

You choose to go out (into reality) and you become more worried and more irritated. You choose to step in and you heal. You find the freedom and the satisfaction of meeting with your true self.

What is your true self?

It is a moving target. It is always in the deepest place that you can access now. Tomorrow it may be even deeper.

256. What if?

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All the drawings and paintings in the blog are thought forms.

They are different forms of thoughts than those that we create with language. It is a different way to know and communicate. It is the language that we need for creation.

If my art is created only from language-thoughts, it will be like repeating the old thoughts that I have in my memory. Nothing new. Boring. Not alive.

The language of creation has so much more in it. It has the composition, which is everything that appears, with all the relationships among all the parts. It has tendencies, knowing, wanting, feeling, experiences and everything else that can be done with a mind that is in deeper state than thinking with language.

If we believe that we are the body, then there are things that we see outside of the body.

But if we know that we are infinite consciousness, then everything that is in our experience is actually inside of us.

And all of it is made of us, since there is nothing else in our worlds but us. We make everything that we experience with these creative thoughts.

We make a basketball player. We make his competitor. And we make the ball that they fight each other for. We make the court and the audience. And we make our own body to look at all of this.

If I want to point at the ball, how do I do it? I just do. That is all. There is nothing to prepare. Moving my hand is like moving my thought.

It seems easier to believe that everything is made of consciousness if we think about dreams. We know that the things that we dream about do not exist outside of the dream. When we wake up, where do they go?

What if life is also like this?

Remember my meditation teacher who said to my complaining friend that his headache is nothing but a wandering thought, a few entries back?

Is that so that there is nothing at all in what we call reality, but our thoughts? And if we stop thinking, what will happen? No reality, right? Yes, it is true. There is no reality without thoughts.

So why do so many teachers say that we have to stop thinking? Don’t they want us to have our realities?

And what about ourselves? If we don’t think, do we exist? No. And we worried about ourselves so much…

And what is PTSD? Schizophrenia? ADHD? Anxiety? Boy, what have we been thinking?

We are lucky, aren’t we, that we have a subconscious that keeps thinking our bodies, our worlds, and indeed, all the things that we believe are true. So we are still here, made of our own thoughts…

255. Two about light and you

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The flowers grow in all kinds of shapes

The light in the flowers

Is your light

The light in all things

Is your light

Every little speck of dust

Is a door

The door is always open

Come, go through it

Come and meet us where you are.

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There is light in the white areas

There is light in the ochre

There is light in the black and grey

I am in the black of all shapes

You are in the white of all

And we do not know

We tell each other ochre stories

We laugh and we cry

We say: I am ochre, who are you?

Are you ochre too?

Don’t tell anybody that I said this

These are actually

Only words.

254. Inviting beauty to look at pain

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As you see

The areas overlap

And struggle with each other

For control of the same space

And what if they knew

That the same space

Is open and given to every one of them

With no limitations

All with love and joy and acceptance

Be they as they want to be

And the radiating hurt

Is like roots

Trying to hold on

With fingernails

To a piece of ground with no water

Or food

Bt they can change their experience

And feel blessed

In being able to dance that dance

And infinite number of others

For all eternity

With nothing to loose

Nothing to gain

Just joy.

253.About the stones

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The big stones

That were uprooted

That were torn away

From their heavy comfort

The loose stones

That everybody fears

Know already

Even as they slowly turn

And are about to fall

With a thump

The peace

That will be here next.

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The tree and the stones

Are closer to my eyes

That are in the body

My imagination

Takes flight

Disconnecting from the body

And the earth

The flight takes place in inner space

Which fills up with joy

And this is what

Creates the drawing.

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Arising from the plain

Stones and dust

Become stars

Where am I going?

Why am I tearing myself

Apart

Which is impossible

Anyway?


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My Pages

The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.