intuitiveflow

I have been on the spiritual path from the day I was born. Calamities happened and revelations were revealed. I have experienced the highs and the lows of human experience.

The tendency is to push toward the highs and use any method that I can find, to eliminate the down turns.

These days I wake up with pain that stands in the way of even making art and writing. I love biking so much that I bike almost every day lately, even with the pain. And then I suffer the consequences and do not sleep at night from the pain.

What is going on? Since I create everything that my experience seems to bring, why do I create this suffering?

I was told by inner guidance that as soon as I wouldn’t need it, it will go. Why do I need it?

And of course there were all the good people, healers, spiritual mavens, good friends, who tried to encourage me to choose the highs, to use medications to reduce the pain, to take a look at this article, and to try this or that.

I love this painting because it describes despair beautifully. The sea of sadness is under all the phenomena that is above it. The grass tries to cover it, but on the left side, it is exposed.

Joy tries to spring out from some spot in the low middle. A tree grows from the green, but the sky around it seems to limit its space and is more like a prison than a space to expand into.

Whatever tries to grow up is being blocked and pushed sideway by the heavy dark cloud that has the same color as the sea of sadness at the bottom.

There is one more desperate effort to break trough the cloud with the magenta colored little shapes. It is being chocked in the dark blue cloud. Still, some lines that escaped the blockade and are at the top of the painting try to go up but they too end up broken and listless.

There is a little thin hope on the top right.

That’s it.

Oh, and I missed that baby little line on the right with the orange light on its side. This is the part of my consciousness that is truly free in this moment to turn right and walk into the space of infinite possibilities. But it is not sure yet that it really wants to go. Look at its top. It is looking back at the struggle.

What is missing?

How to allow change to happen?

A deeper view of the truth is needed.

I will start going there in the next entry.

H and I spoke about the light that I saw on the wall outside of my window. I mentioned opening a window and then opening the opening in the window.

We talked about the pain. I thought about health and what my feet will do in a healthy situation.

I have been making some kind of a horizon in my paintings lately, and maybe for many years. It is like an anchor of physical reality. Things can be attached to it or they can float away, to indicate freedom from the idea of an anchor.

I have little things floating in the skies that I make, to also show some connection between heaven and earth.

I have buildings, I have trees, I have openings in the buildings’ walls.

I usually have something green.

And I have some humans or animals that are twisted and obscured, but have strong hints of human or animal poses and movements.

The earth has many times hints of rocks, cracks folds and ploughed fields.

You can find things like these in this painting and in most of my other artworks.

But the paintings are different from each other.

What are different are the lines, the composition and the colors.

So these are the real content of my works.

Give me hands, give me spiders, give me stones, and I will use them to create different compositions, with lines that feel different and of course colors that tell different experiential stories.

Many years ago I made prints that had only numbers in them. I’ve always been like this.

So it is the composition and the expressions of the lines and the colors.

Do you want to understand me?

Look me up in these.

But it will be only a relative knowing.

It is impossible to understand me.

I am infinite, just like you.