Healing and growth through intuitive art
The lines, Connected,
Do they help to move
Or do they hinder?
The dots, white and yellow,
Over brown, grey and ocher,
Are they smooth
Or are they rough like
Stones or broken bones?
The beauty, is it real,
Or is it a dream that we have,
As this person runs through the fields
With the last sun of the day?
In my little garden of dreams I swim I find the red hard to chew But the green invites me The yellows warm me up The grays advise to rest I see the screens That tell of being open and enclosed I see the big lines Building lives and falling But now It's up to me I can close my eyes To have a different thought And where do you think I'll be When they will open?
In the moment I finish it I know I want to use some colored pencil on it. I know where and how. I wait for the drawing to dry. I listen to the radio. The music is beautiful. Then I look again and the drawing is dry. And it is beautiful as it is. It is poor in terms of colors. Only one. All that it does was accomplished with the yellow color alone.
But it has endless variations in the way the lines are made. Thin and fat, close to each other and far, straight and round. Sometimes they touch each other and become one line. The expressions of the lines are different. Each little part is different from all the others. The spaces in the drawing are very different too: Closed and open, narrow and wide, pouring into the next space or keeping to themselves.
The whole thing starts from a line that is like some ground. One side of the drawn shape goes up. The other starts going up and then turns around and goes down. The right side is listening to the left side, and when the left one makes a left turn, the right one also starts to turn left. Maybe the right side is more burdened and this is why it cannot go as high as the left one?
Are they one thing with varying sides? And what is that little something at the very right edge? Maybe the right side part stopped going up because it wanted to look at that little thing? So this side is independent, making its own decisions, even though it is obviously connected to the left side. The left one must be independent too. It is just like us, having the ability to make independent choices and at the same time being an inseparable part of the all.
That little shape at the right edge, is it coming or going?
Why did the left part turn back down?
Are they playing?
They have the spirit of playing, don’t they?
Do you need any more than one color?
Is the yellow gold, warm light or straw?
Where does the whole thing stand?
If you happen to walk near it, what will your relative size be?
And if we are left with questions only, is this a good thing or not?
You will have to imagine the picture for this entry.
Now in words.
The big picture:
I hear a bird outside. I don’t recognize it. But somewhere, in a deep place in me, Of course I know it. And I think: this bird sings from my heart. Then I think: everything that happens in this world comes from my heart. The buildings, the people on my block. There are many of them. I live in New York City. The street here is like a canyon. The precipices on each side are made of some eight floors apartment buildings that are more than a hundred years old. The number of people who live on my block is probably 300 times greater than the number of people who lived in the village of my youth.
And everything, all these people, the dust and soot, the funny and strange cars, the way the sunlight manages to come in and paint parts of the walls, all are coming from my heart.
This is the big picture for our purposes now.
The small picture:
What do I want to do?
For 14 years I was a designer, and changed to an illustrator. Then, after 17 years I changed to an art therapist. Now, 13 years later, I’m changing again. The change happens by itself. Usually people don’t let the change go through, because, logically, it does not make sense to start everything anew, when the old thing is working already and even gets you some recognition and acknowledgement.
But I learned not to stand in the change’s way, because I suffer if I do not follow my heart.
So the new thing was here already and was doing itself. It did not come from any ’sense-making.’ But I did not recognize this clearly yet.
At first I thought I wanted to live like an artist now. The studio was calling me. All the paints were getting excited.
But I also wanted to write and make books and children’s books. My life would be too bad without making them.
And what about living on the path that leads deeper and deeper into the truth of everything?
And what about sharing what I find with others who are interested? This is one of the most beautiful things that I can do. What else is there to do here, on earth?
And I wanted to make music.
And so went my thinking and I did not know what to do.
I’ve learned that when I have such a weighty question, it is best to keep it as a question and since this is after all a matter of the heart, I’ll invite the heart to answer. It always answers in its time. So every time the question came, I gave it to the heart: Here, this is the question I am looking for an answer for.
And one day, when I was in a short meditation, and the question was tickling, the answer came:
The blog.
I ‘work on myself’ all the time and the blog accompanies me as I go. I use artmaking and reading the art as my main method, so I have the art and the writing. It is already like a book. I can, at some point, collect some entries according to a subject that I’ll choose and make a book out of them. Or even more than one book. Sometimes it has illustrations too. Everything that I do from love and interest is already included in the adventure of the blog making. I have a conversation with other people too.
Everything that I did in my life was always about these same things, about development, freedom, beauty, living meaningfully. It is as if I have been doing this blog all my life.
And for income I can exchange the art that is created along the way with money that will pay for my life. It’s all very flexible. Things can be added, directions can change.
And in this way, with all these thoughts coming in very fast and quietly, everything fell into place.
When this clicked into place I felt a huge relief. I knew that everything was okay. And there was no need to change anything, as I was already there. For a while i made sure that I did only what I wanted to do. Tis opened the door for my heart to choose for me, and I was already where I wanted to be.
In my meditation when this knowing appeared, I saw an image in my imagination. I saw a few wide lines made with a dark brown soft pastel. The lines overlapped, just as the colors usually overlap in my paintings, and became one expression. This is the essence of this blog.
So I answered, for those who were interested. And now, back to life.
intuitiveflow 