Can joy live in darkness
Where it is dense
With blinding light,
Where clumps of small explosions
Turn around
With menace?
Can I find my true life in chaos?
No
My life is independent
And pain is happening in it.
Archive for the 'identification' Category
353. Can joy live in darkness?
Published January 6, 2024 evolving , healing , identification , Inner light , Intuition , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , Truth Leave a CommentTags: blinding, chaos, darkness, dense, explosions, independent, menace, true life
352. What will be?
Published December 30, 2023 energy , evolving , healing , identification , Infinite space , letting go , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , The world of thoughts , Truth Leave a CommentTags: air, empty, end, gone, innocently, joy
Innocently
And with children’s joy
They slowly move
With their belongings
In the air.
It is the end of the line,
They think.
What will be the taste
Of empty space
When we are gone?
“I”
Published August 24, 2023 energy , evolving , healing , identification , Infinite space , Intuition , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Spiritual , Truth 2 CommentsTags: choice, deeper, fix, I, infinite, intuition, levels, love, pain, skillful means, truth, Zen
In every moment, like when there is an attack of pain that is hard to suffer
Ask myself:
Where is the “I”?
And these days I already see, every time I look, many of my “I”’s
in many levels.
It is even possible to choose a direction and look for all the levels of I
in that direction.
This adds interest.
So now that I see many levels, I can ask:
From which level of I do I want to act now?
Which level do I want to be for this moment?
Which level do I want to choose an action from?
Then this is what I do.
And the next question is:
What action do I want to choose?
And the deeper I go I find that I am more satisfied already
and I do not want to do anything really, because I have everything.
I am good.
I am done.
And the more outward I go, the more I feel that action is required
right now, to fix what is not satisfying yet.
So, instead of fixing the un-fixable
I go deeper
and find that there is nothing to fix.
This is what I do
when the pain attacks.
Now comes a Zen question:
If there is nothing to fix, and everything is good already
what shall I do anyway?
This is an infinite question.
and I think the answer may be:
to play
to be curious
to be loving to express love
to help
to make art
to express the truth for everybody and for nobody.
This is the thing.
This is why it is so difficult to answer a Zen question.
Because you can answer on or from many levels.
This is what they call Skillful Means.
To know what level to answer from.
(They say so , usually, to explain how come they contradict themselves
frequently.)
And what is the better level?
To answer from the same level that the question came from?
From one level up? Two?
There is no good answer.
Maybe to strengthen what is already possible for the one who asks at the moment of asking?
And does not everybody have the same connection as I do to all the levels of I?
Actually, the thing to do is to surrender to intuition.
This is the most surprising and the most beautiful.
345. What is happening?
Published September 5, 2022 energy , evolving , healing , identification , Intuition , letting go , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , Truth 3 CommentsTags: being
Being, not being, The energy that gathers my body Is less insistent now My body feels the spaces in itself Where it does not exist These are the places Where my true self Is taking over The pain I have Is in the places Where I still Refuse To be myself. Thinking about what has has happened to me: I knew I was helping people. The gift I had gotten, of knowing how to move deeper or higher, through art making that flows intuitively with writing about it in an intuitive way, this gift was helping people. Those of you who stayed with me for a while here on this blog were intrigued, and saw that there was truth in what I was presenting. I still had a feeling that I have not gone all the way and therefore my help was limited. I worked with some people and I knew that they had benefited from our work. It was wonderful. But I wanted to go farther with them. Through the years the motivation that people had, when they chose to work with me, has changed. In the beginning people were trying to figure out their lives. They were also trying to understand what healing means. How can one really evolve? Later most of those who came knew that they were not living fully. They knew that they had betrayed a part of them that was crucial for their ability to be happy. They wanted to nurture that part and live more fully. Nowadays suddenly a new kind of clients has appeared. These are people who have already devoted themselves to helping others. They are healers. But they want to go deeper, so that they can help even more. By looking at all this I know that I have changed. so my helping others was actually helping myself. We all know this, don’t we. But still seeing it happening feels good. All this is a strange writing, I have to say. I already know that that “I” that I am speaking of does not exist. The”I” that I have had was never real, but I was still attached to it somehow. This attachment is waning. And even though I have tried some other modalities along they way, it is the steady work that I have been doing on myself using this intuitive art method, that slowly and surely brought one insight after another and actually took me safely to higher and higher places. The old “I” still has some appearances in my game, but I already see him naked. I know he is not real. He is a collection of habits. And it is clear that all that feels good in my life comes from the higher self. And all that this fake character, the “i”, can bring is unpleasant. It is that simple. During the last years I tried many ways to stop or at least reduce my pain meaningfully. I have a condition called Painful Peripheral Neuropathy. Even though it was never checked to define whether it is a short fiber Neuropathy or some other kind, I believe it is the short fiber one. It means that the very ends of my nerves, where they come to be in the skin, to be able to touch and feel, are injured somehow. This makes it hard to touch the skin. Every touch hurts. Walking hurts like hell. I can’t put on shoes. I can’t stand for more than a few minutes. Every time I move my feet it hurts. When I lie flat the pain increases. I have to find creative poses in which I can sleep. When I move in my sleep the pain wakes me up. If I choose an unfortunate pose the pain increases so much and I wake up to an unbearable strength of pain. I tried many ways to reduce the pain. Medications hardly had an influence, and they have quite terrible side effects, as they actually prevent normal activity of healthy nerves everywhere in the body. Then there are all kinds of injections that did not work. Then an implement was placed in my legs that radiated electric currents near the nerves, to make them change the signals that they carry to the brain. It also did not work for me. I did acupuncture and it only increased my pain to intolerable degrees. I even tried an experimental treatment that is supposed to change the polarity of the nerves that go to the pain center in the brain, so that the messages of pain will not be able to pass through. All these did not work. And there were a number of other ways that I tried. At the same time I did things that I discovered on my own. Spraying the feet with cold water reduces the pain sometimes. Placing my left foot over the right foot when I sit, somehow blocks the nerves in the left foot, and reduces the pain. Doing the same thing with the right foot does not produce the same effect. Maybe because the places that hurt in the right foot are different. I have a meditation from the Release Technique that stops the pain in one foot. Immediately the pain moves to the other foot. Then it comes back to the first, then the second… After a while I conquer the pain. What a blessing! But imagine waking up at night and getting into meditation when all you want is to sleep, and staying in the meditation long enough to succeed. In this blog I described a method that I used, to take the pain away by drawing the shape of the area of the pain in the body. As I do this several times, the shape of the area of pain changes. Then it gets smaller. Sometimes it breaks up to a few spots and eventually disappears altogether. And more deeply, I always knew that the reason for any malfunction of the body is a habitual malfunction of my energy, the energy that keeps creating the body all the time of its life. This energy malfunction comes from thoughts or beliefs that have the power to divert the healthy energy from going its healthy routs. I do not want to tell the stories that I invented in my childhood, in a state of trauma, that created those blockages for the healthy energy, because I have already wrote about them in this blog. These childhood stories were revealed to me through the art process. But even knowing them did not make them stop their activity immediately. The thoughts from the time of the trauma were linked to many other newer thoughts, and it became a mesh that was hard to dismantle. I decided to do a few sessions with a hypnotherapist. If they can stop people from smoking, they can help me not think certain thoughts. This helped a little, by increasing self acceptance. but I still had the pain. Then I chose to do a session with a practitioner of The Emotion Code and The Body Code. The practitioner extracted thoughts from the subconscious. It is like a spring cleaning of the subconscious. Some forty issued were released. Some from this lifetime and some from other lifetimes. I also had two unwanted tenants in my energy field, two entities. They were sent on their way to the light, as these things are done. Forty items in one time is a lot. Two hours after the session a new stream of energy showed up. It went down in the feet and forced its way through all the hurting places. At first this energy came only every fifteen minutes and was not too strong. In time the intervals became shorter and the strength of this energy increased dramatically. These days I have times when this energy pushes its way through the pain all day and all night long. This energy has become the main cause of the pain nowadays. When it passes through the hurting places, I believe that this energy is healing the nerves. But how can you live with such a strong pain all the time? One thing I have learned from this is that there is no need to hasten the process of healing. it is not a good idea. If you succeed, you get what you wanted. But it may be too much for your body to take. It is better to find something that works in its normal speed, and let it do its work, so that slowly you get to feel relief and more relief. And of course, you evolve too as you go. The best way, it seems to me, is to be yourself, by manifesting in your life all that is unique about you. It means, that you do what feels deeply wonderful for you. You do what makes your heart sing. This is a way to go deeper and deeper into your true self. This heals everything. At first I decided to let it hurt and to be happy for the healing that this energy brings. But since it started to be too torturous, I started to look for ways to stop the pain. Having severe pain all the time wreaks havoc on the body. Different processes do not work as usual. I can’t leave home. I have been home bound for very long. I have to be near the cold water all the time. I need to be near the toilet all the rime. I need to be near a comfortable place to sit and do the meditations. And it hurts as hell when I walk. Even with an electric folding wheelchair, in order to arrive at the pavement outside, I need to walk with the chair out of the apartment, to use the elevator, to open two heavy doors and descend a few stairs. Then, of course, I need to do this backward when i come back. And this is enough for increasing the pain and having it increased for a day or two afterwards, together with two sleepless nights. I suddenly remembered a meditation for healing others from far, that I learned in the Consciousness Research Institute. It has to do with creating an imaginary dome. This seemed a good idea to me. You see, one important difficulty with pain is that you naturally resist it. And everything that you resist persists. So I wanted to find a way to feel good while having the pain. And this dome creation seemed to have the potential to do it. And it did. When I created an imaginary dome it felt as if it was filled with good energy, which is the energy of my higher self. I immediately felt relief and an opening of the heart. And if I managed to stay longer in this condition, the body started to relax and eventually the crazy stream of energy would stop. This worked in about one third of the times. But it worked. It showed me that there are ways to stop the stream of this strong energy and reduce the pain, by going higher with my energy. Then, after some days I discovered, while doing this meditation in the middle of the night, that there was some density in the energy that surrounded my spine. And I decided to open the spine to this good energy of the space of the dome, to let the density around the spine dissolve in the good energy. and it worked. This increased the success of the new meditation maybe to half of the times. Maybe even more. It depends on when I do it. Am I awake enough? Do I have the energy to do it? How strong is the stream of the energy now? And today I saw that all I need to do is to become aware of all the tensions in the body, when in pain. This awareness dissolves the tensions, and that relaxation happens. Working with painting and writing has always been and is an every day practice for me. I can see how I am changing through this. And I still suffer a lot from this pain.
343. I can close my eyes
Published February 12, 2022 energy , evolving , healing , identification , Infinite space , Inner light , Intuition , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual Leave a CommentTags: Chew, dreams, eyes, garden, inviting, lines, warm
In my little garden of dreams I swim I find the red hard to chew But the green invites me The yellows warm me up The grays advise to rest I see the screens That tell of being open and enclosed I see the big lines Building lives and falling But now It's up to me I can close my eyes To have a different thought And where do you think I'll be When they will open?
342. All you want to know
Published January 30, 2022 evolving , healing , identification , Intuition , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , The world of thoughts , Truth Leave a CommentTags: dealing with, joy, pain, problem
It is clear that this painting has in it a problem in the left lower side. Generally there is joy bursting in it. But look at that corner. Yes, it is the corner of my pain in the legs. It is what prevents me from sleeping, it is what causes me to cry sometimes and keeps me away from walking, going to museums and movies, meeting with friends etc.. and I wonder many times how to deal with it. What am I to do when I am tortured. How to respond? This blog started with the intention to heal through my work on myself, using this method with making art intuitively and then reading it. I have released tons of old sad programs from my subconscious. I saw again and again a bigger picture of our life on our different versions of earth. All these came from this work and you were the witnesses. And yesterday, while the pain has gone even stronger than ever, I painted this. The reading this time does not follow everything that showed up in the painting, but instead responds to how come there is joy there at all, when there is that torture in the corner. And it can also be a guidance, telling me to dedicate myself to doing what feels deeply good, and let the pain issue take care of itself. The poem describes the context for this understanding.
The painting process shows me where I am and the writing guides me.
All you want to know
If you ask:
What is good now?
You’ll see that
The light in the room
Is good.
The table that you use
Is good
And supportive
Your hand is very good
For writing now
The floor is wonderful
And the earth
Underneath the building
With all the life
That it holds
Is nothing but
The good of goods
And you'll see
That the existence
Of everything
Is crucial
For this moment
to exist
For you to move
See
And do.
If you find this true
Then you now know
That everything is good
And you understand
What the love
Of the universe
Means.
You see
That you live
Inside of love
And whatever happens
To you
Cannot make you
Fall out
Of this.
And if you wonder
What is it
That you are doing here
and can you
Choose something better?
Then you are exercising
Your unique power
To be one
With this love
And you know
Everything that you
Have to know
About you,
Your life
And
What you want to do.
341. Beloved sons
Published January 19, 2022 evolving , healing , identification , Intuition , letting go , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , The world of thoughts , Truth Leave a CommentTags: beloved, better or worse, play, righteous, villain
Maybe This time it is not About what is better And what is worse But: Do I want to play With differences Or Shall I rest in truth For which Both the righteous And the villain Are beloved sons?
340. All the levels of my view
Published January 19, 2022 evolving , healing , identification , Intuition , letting go , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , The world of thoughts , Truth Leave a CommentTags: let go, level, life, remain, true, view
At any moment of my life I carry all the levels Of my view. If I let them all go The only one that's true Remains.
337. Airborne
Published October 21, 2021 evolving , healing , identification , Infinite space , Inner light , Intuition , letting go , making art , meditation , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual 2 CommentsTags: airborne, disconnect, eartbound, energy, fear, fly, hesitation, lifetime, light, stay, time
The bird wants to fly
On her own
She slowly disconnects
From where she stands
Wanting to fly
Takes its energy
From the sun
And it is light
Hesitation
To leave the earth
Is from the fear
And it is heavy
For many years
It seemed that
She has flown
And stayed
It took a lifetime
To slowly be
More airborne
Than earthbound
One
Lifetime
Which is
No time at all.
333. Improvisation on head and shouders
Published March 27, 2021 evolving , healing , identification , Inner light , Intuition , letting go , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual Leave a CommentTags: control, effortlessly, expression, follow the heart, free, harmony, the one, wrong places
The parts of the head
And shoulders
Spread to all the wrong places
As if they were kids
In a school intermission
Instead of being controlled
By the rules
They freely followed
Their hearts
As a result
Harmony settled in
In which
Effortlessly
All individual whims together
Became the complete expression
Of the one.