Posts Tagged 'I'

292. Parade


So you still have those monsters… she says.

But I meant this to be a flower. It has some strange dark side to it. It’s true. It gives you a bad look.

And this, I meant it to be a branch, a tree, and a piece of the sky is caught up in it.

And this is some kind of an animal walking with its nose down to the ground.

Something with bad vibes is coming out from the water.

Why is one leg red?

And that long necked creature at the front, why is it looking back? Is it like a member of a gang, making sure he is not breaking a rule?

It does have some monstrous feel to it.

Or is it a colorful parade on the street?

Are they pretending to be bad?

Are they the audience for themselves?

And where am I in all of this?

I am the vibes that invite all this into my experience.

Look at the lines with all the sharp points aiming inward and outward.

Only the monsters are invited to the game today.

And what is the music in the background?

Is it quiet?

Will there be a scream soon?

Why is the sky so pale?

Can a scene like this exist?

It can, if you invite it. Can I invite something else?

Let’s see…

And how come it looks so peaceful and playful suddenly?

Like poor children, playing with dolls that they had made from barbed wire and junk? What do they dream about?

What do you dream about?

228. Imprisoned in his own choice


In this painting there are three major systems:

  1. The lines, which are in purple, olive green and one little line is in blue.
  2. The areas of color that appear to be behind the lines.
  3. The red areas that are inside of shapes, delineated by some of the purple lines.

Many times it is enough to describe with words what you see in a picture, to know what it is about. This indeed is one of the ways to read art.


The system of lines that has its story, appears on the background of nothing. The story may be that the lines describe something, that some of them do something to other lines, that some are purple and some are in other colors, etc. The background of nothing is the white that has no features except that there are no colors and no shapes in it.

The system of colored areas appears behind the line system. The colored shapes system has its own story. It is not being told in continuous lines or shapes. Things appear mostly unconnected. But you can feel relationships. For example, you can feel that all the greens belong to each other because of having the same color. All the shapes, because of their general outline, which is softly rounded, without sharp points or angles, all of them are of the same kind. This whole system appears in the same proximity of the lines system, and therefore the two systems seem to be related to each other, as if they are parts of the same thing. How about seeing this as a person and his emotional system. (Here I went beyond just describing what I see. I added an idea that seemed to make sense to me.)

There is one shape among the colored areas that is different. It is the blue one that looks like a river or a road. It goes from close to us to another place far away that we do not see. This may be the path of life on which we float with ease or with struggles. (again, an interpretation. It can be something else too. But something that leads the eye far away, to where you cannot see the end, these can be seen.)

Now let’s take the reds, which got caught within some of the purple lines that created closed shapes. Usually in the picture, the lines go freely to wherever they go. They describe shapes, that you have a feeling are not finally determined. These shapes still can grow, shrink or move. But these areas that caught the red inside of them seem to be more final. Their muscles are stretched and tense, holding the red and preventing it from changing. This is where the happily and freely flowing human system is becoming hard and inflexible. This goes against the nature of free flow and therefore it is the place of suffering.

And all of this appears to play in an environment of no features (the white). This is not a physical portrait in a realistic environment. It is the inner experience of life, created in awareness and experienced in awareness, done and felt in the same moment. Doing and experiencing here are not separate.

And if you see that, where do you choose to place your identification? What part do you choose to be?

Here is another way to look at it:

There are two big systems that relate to each other harmoniously. There is no event  in that. Only a continuous flow. The two systems can go on and change together, every one of them in its own related way to the other. They can go on forever. But the minute the regularity is broken by an unusual behavior that occurred in a few parts, an event is created and it starts to be interesting. That’s life.

Where was the identification, when it happened?

It was in the parts that caught the red. “I must have this red in me,” said the ‘I’ who identified with these parts. Before, there was freedom there. But now the travelling ’I’ became imprisoned in his own choice.


157. The writing he leaves behind

Walking with his dream

Walking with his dream

The little kid

Is walking an ancient path

The rocks become brittle

And turn into sand

The little hill

Loves to feel his feet on its back

The little hill and he

Are good, loving, friends

Sometimes it rains

And memories of old friend river

Turn to memories of old friend mud

But he walks on with old friend wonder

And you can read his writing

Which he leaves behind

Written on the air

When you see

A leaf falling

Or when a bird

Flying through the sky

Is gone. 


This came when I could not sleep at 3 or 4 from the pain.

I thought that what would come would be bitter, frustrated or something of this sort. But this came, almost as it is.  I made only a few little changes. How can it be?

How can I be tortured physically and have this come through me?

What do you think?

For the time being, my body is there and my mind is here. Soon my body will start following my mind.

And where will I be then?

115. Fruit

There is no picture with this entry. You are invited to imagine it for yourself.

It is night. No sleep, as the pain makes me move constantly. Around 4 I start paying attention to the feeling of “I”. I have found that this is one of the things that sometimes helps reducing or eliminating the pain for a while.

I used to do it in this way: I would say to myself the word “I” in my mind and feel what it did to the body when I said this. Then I would think something along these lines: Of course “I” is not this feeling that I experience. It is what is watching it. And this would lead to moving myself, in my imagination, away from that experience to the air around it, so to speak, from which I watched the experience.

But this night I did it differently. I did not want to labor with anything. I just said “I’ in my mind and searched for where I could feel “I”. That’s all. I felt the “I” inside of all the experiences that I had, and it was not them anyway, without having to move out. For some reason it seems hard to explain this now. But doing it was very natural. If you don’t try to solve it through thinking, this happens automatically.

As I did it, I started to feel the flow of old thoughts, old beliefs, old expectations as it was leaving me in great speed. It became a cleansing process.

The pain also was seen, in this state, as something in the process of cleansing. The experience of pain was how it felt as it was leaving me. There was a certain amount that was kept somewhere and it was streaming out.

After about half an hour like this, it started to be difficult to find that “I” any more. Then I could not find it.

When I started to move, there was this strange body moving right here. It was not clear to me whether I was seeing it from outside or inside but it surely was not “I”. It was moving on its own, like an unreal thing with its own program. I could not see what was making it move. “I” certainly did not do it because it was not there.

In the end of the stream of old garbage, where there were spaces, there was joy in them. I started to feel very good. This is the joy of who I am that is naturally there, when it has some space to come through.

Then I realized that what I do with art, the method of intuitive flow, is exactly this: I tune in to “I”. I tune in to “I” by trusting and following my sense of beauty, and immediately as I start doing it, the stream of useless old beliefs starts streaming out and onto the paper. It is just the same process, only going on slower and enabling me to see what is happening. When I work with people, this is what they experience, and the art, which results, enables them to see what comes out and know that it is leaving them. This knowing is important, because it makes it possible for them to know that from now on they are free from having to conduct their lives, based on that belief. It is an easy way to create this healthy process and be aware of it at the same time. And just as it happened with the attention alone, during the early hours of the morning, it happens with the art process: Joy comes pretty fast. This is how people sometimes come in to sessions upset and worried and leave, after an hour, joyful. The joy is from them. It is the essence of who they are naturally, as it has found it way to appear, when the density of inner programs was reduced.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.