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195. The screeching is terrible

Old clunky machine

Old clunky machine

The drawing was done at 10pm, the painting – in the morning after.

It is like a very big puppet. The head is too big and heavy in the composition. The mechanism is old. It stood outside in the rain and plants started growing on it in some places. You can almost hear the clunking of its mechanism, the screeching of its rusty metal, in friction with other rusty parts. It used to be very beautiful. Some of the paint is still there.

The face is stubborn. Even though parts of it have fallen off, it still insists on moving forward. It works without an operator. It used to be the fascination of the community. Now it only walks alone, with much effort and nobody is watching. It is hard for it to move. The screeching is terrible.

It thinks.

Thinking is the essence of its engine, the oil and the fuel.

And now I know who it is: It is my autopilot.

120. What do I have to feel?

There is a lot of habitual readiness to continue living with pain, when your pain has been with you for years. There is even fear. How can I live without pain? What will my life be like? What was the protection that the pain gave me that now I will be without? There are many questions like this. But I do not want to go into them today. I have done it in the past. Today I am asking intuition: What do I have to feel, so that I can live without pain? How does life without pain look like, from feeling point of view?

And this is the answer in a drawing.

Bubbling

Bubbling

I am not even collecting words. The words are useful to discover stories and experience feelings. But this is feeling already. I am ready to feel it. In time it will create new stories that will fit this feeling.

I am hanging this drawing in a place where I can look at it a lot of times and every time I’ll see it, I’ll feel how I have to feel so that I can live without that old phenomena that I am letting go of now. I am moving from one illusion to another one that I choose now.

119. For your curiosity and joy

2AM. I feel irritation. I meditate in bed. The unrest goes and comes, goes and comes back. I know I have a better way.

When I collected words from the drawing and scrambled them, I scrambled really hard. Into the order that they fell into, I added a few words to connect the lines and it was done with no effort at all. For your curiosity and joy I gave color to the words that I added in order to connect the lines and make them communicate clearly.

Falling down

Falling down

The pain

Is trying to hold on

Asking

Where is Mommy?

Losing sense of direction

Feeling

Irritation

But

With everything else

It is now

Falling down

All things break apart

Feeling

Dry and dead

To enable

Growing.

118. Full of curious life force

I am going through changes and for some time I felt as if I was floating in space in some way, not feeling like doing anything, because it was not clear to me why to act at all. A whole old paradigm, so to speak, became obsolete and the new paradigm is unfolding still.

I did a lot of drawings during this process and won’t be able to show them all to you. I never was able to sow all that I was doing. I try to show the important ones. Some of the work included pretty intense release of old programs from the subconscious. Thinking about what I intended to do, I found myself afraid one day and started to draw, which lead me to feel wanting to grow but escaping, then there was a big self cancellation, then an experience of shock, then anger and more anger, and eventually good feeling. This was done in twelve drawings and quick writing, in one evening and the morning that came after it.

Then there was a shorter, four pictures version of the same thing, as it repeated itself like an echo.

Then these two:

For the first, five short poems came, instead of a single long one.

Curious

Curious

As they are looking for something they forgot

They are making a tapestry

Of happy swimming.

Tickling each other pleasantly

Telling each other they cannot find their goal

They are full of curious life force.

Laughing

Sliding bodies

With open eyes.

Filling up the space

Many fish are

Swimming nowhere

To the sun they come

From the depths

Of darkness.

Looking at the drawing now I feel I did not express something about the quality of the lines in the lower part. They seem to be rotting. There is a Zen book called Swampland Flowers, which is a collection of letters written by master Ta Hui to a student, about how to practice in everyday life. The name means to hint at the idea that the lotus flower, which represents enlightenment, cannot grow in the clean fresh air of the mountains. It has to grow in the swamps of the valleys, where it is hot, humid and dirty.

I see in it all the joy that arises from all of my self-work and the peace I feel about pleasant, light hearted touching.

The next drawing is from two days later.

Touching lightly

Touching lightly

Standing one behind the other

Curious and interested in experiencing

The parts that were banned

And what a blessing it is

There are many ways of saying no

But the yes is one

And always there, inside of all of them

As it is

Forever true.

Looking at the two drawings and words you can see how things work themselves quietly in the subconscious. The constant exposure to the flow of intuition, or maybe I can call it the flow of truth, gradually dissolves everything that is not true and leaves what is true untouched, as it can never be taken away. It was a surprise for me when this happened, because I did not work on it knowingly. This too shows something about the method of intuitive flow. You just do the work, following what comes up and there is a wise order of what is being tackled, happening on its own, guided by deeper knowledge. We could not arrive at this wise order through thinking and analyzing. Life, as it turns out, is much easier than your think.

I remember working with a person who came to me to get rid of his depression. We worked on whatever showed up. Sometimes it was possible to see that it was related to the depression, and sometimes it was other things. Dealing with all that just floated up to our knowledge, one thing after another, one day there was no depression there any more. And this is for life, as all the mental software that created the depression, all that tapestry of many small issues, dissolved and was not there any more.

117. The green that overgrows

Burning casuarinas

Burning casuarinas

 The red sun is painting the foliage at dusk

Intensifying play reality

The green that overgrows

In the village of my youth

Is the shadow

Of the villagers’ lives

Look! Look!

The truck that you hear

Struggling up the little hill

Will soon appear

Among the burning casuarinas.

 

You may ask yourself: What does this have to do with the work of this blog? Why would memories of youth belong in a process of emptying out everything, that creates conflicting thoughts, from the subconscious, so that more and more of the light of being will come through, and more energy will go to all the places that need to heal?

This process now is like a very long meditation. Or maybe it is very short. I don’t know how to define it in these terms. Time and again I look into my subconscious while being in an intuitive flow and whatever is there, that intuition decides to show me, starts floating into my reality through the painting and the writing process. The unknown becomes known, while at the same time being let go of. You can see that there are feelings that were provoked. I think mainly they are love and playfulness, with the wonder of a child.

These were the years when I installed a lot of programs in my subconscious. Then they disappeared from the conscious mind and continued to work without control in the subconscious. This is part of the human condition. So when these memories arise they also touch on other programs from that time, like: These are important people; They are big and know what is right and what is wrong; I somehow depend on them and have to listen to what they say; If what they say and think contradicts what I feel, I have to cancel what I feel and start believing in what they say instead. But when I look at these programs through love, wonder and playfulness, they lose their power, because, looking with love, I experience how these programs actually block love. That’s how the light works. And now, that they are much less powerful for me, the wonder surfaces. This is what we see, and it is part of this process.

For some reason this is what intuition brought to the surface now. Intuition is my guide. And intuition is my healer. It says: Look! Look! And then it says: I am here to just see and love. This is the process. I am deeply thankful to the wonderfulness of this process. I invite you all to learn it and use it.

I know what some of you will think: Where is the article, in one of those boring journals, that will prove with numbers and quotes that this is true at all? Who are you to invent new things? You have a rich imagination, Giora. But can you please give me some graphs and numbers?

What to do?

What do you say?

116. With not even a speck missed

In a dramatic night I walk barefoot at 2 AM from bed to desk to draw and write:

A scream in space

A scream in space

A scream

Is lost in endlessness

Is broken into a thousand pieces

Swirling in immaterial void

Unheard

 

And yet

Every single atom of its being

Is accepted

With utter dedication

To fully know

With not even a speck

Missed

115. Fruit

There is no picture with this entry. You are invited to imagine it for yourself.

It is night. No sleep, as the pain makes me move constantly. Around 4 I start paying attention to the feeling of “I”. I have found that this is one of the things that sometimes helps reducing or eliminating the pain for a while.

I used to do it in this way: I would say to myself the word “I” in my mind and feel what it did to the body when I said this. Then I would think something along these lines: Of course “I” is not this feeling that I experience. It is what is watching it. And this would lead to moving myself, in my imagination, away from that experience to the air around it, so to speak, from which I watched the experience.

But this night I did it differently. I did not want to labor with anything. I just said “I’ in my mind and searched for where I could feel “I”. That’s all. I felt the “I” inside of all the experiences that I had, and it was not them anyway, without having to move out. For some reason it seems hard to explain this now. But doing it was very natural. If you don’t try to solve it through thinking, this happens automatically.

As I did it, I started to feel the flow of old thoughts, old beliefs, old expectations as it was leaving me in great speed. It became a cleansing process.

The pain also was seen, in this state, as something in the process of cleansing. The experience of pain was how it felt as it was leaving me. There was a certain amount that was kept somewhere and it was streaming out.

After about half an hour like this, it started to be difficult to find that “I” any more. Then I could not find it.

When I started to move, there was this strange body moving right here. It was not clear to me whether I was seeing it from outside or inside but it surely was not “I”. It was moving on its own, like an unreal thing with its own program. I could not see what was making it move. “I” certainly did not do it because it was not there.

In the end of the stream of old garbage, where there were spaces, there was joy in them. I started to feel very good. This is the joy of who I am that is naturally there, when it has some space to come through.

Then I realized that what I do with art, the method of intuitive flow, is exactly this: I tune in to “I”. I tune in to “I” by trusting and following my sense of beauty, and immediately as I start doing it, the stream of useless old beliefs starts streaming out and onto the paper. It is just the same process, only going on slower and enabling me to see what is happening. When I work with people, this is what they experience, and the art, which results, enables them to see what comes out and know that it is leaving them. This knowing is important, because it makes it possible for them to know that from now on they are free from having to conduct their lives, based on that belief. It is an easy way to create this healthy process and be aware of it at the same time. And just as it happened with the attention alone, during the early hours of the morning, it happens with the art process: Joy comes pretty fast. This is how people sometimes come in to sessions upset and worried and leave, after an hour, joyful. The joy is from them. It is the essence of who they are naturally, as it has found it way to appear, when the density of inner programs was reduced.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.