Archive for July, 2012

127. Real or unreal, good or bad

The eye

The eye

There is an eye

Everything grows around it

Real or unreal

We are always on the back of ancients

Good or bad

If you want to live forever

Do nothing

Settle in the eye.

Every time I sit down to draw and write it surprises me. I never know what will come out in the drawing and in the words.

I know that even if we do not want to live forever we do. But this is how the words came and I respected it. I know that it is not an eye that sees and knows everything. It is something that we cannot describe in words without making it into what it is not.

I know that it is impossible to describe things as real or unreal, and that there is no good or bad. Yet I wrote it as I did.

Don’t believe any word I say.

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126. Seemed to be

All is not what it seems to be

All is not what it seems to be

What seemed like an iron plate

On the road

Turned out to be an open space

Receding

 

What looked like a weary figure

Bent by hard work and headless

Turned to be a source

Of unknown energies

 

What seemed like the usual

Santa Fe desert landscape

Turned out to be

Mysterious shifting planes

 

What looked like the shadow of a businessman

Turned out to be endlessly deep

And the source

Of tremendous love.

125. Rain long gone

 

Creating timespace from infinity

Creating timespace from infinity

I am just a memory

Of what it was

To be a person

I am the potential for more too

But I forgot

There is a big reason to frown

My memories think

As I am creating timespace

Every day

Far from infinity

I don’t even remember

That I can make all worries extinct

Or look like a fluffy cloud

Of rain long gone.

124. Above the canopy

A tree reaching up

A tree reaching up

Above the blanket

Of green

Things become airy

Somewhere in the wilderness

A tree stands

In its raised hands

It holds you

And when you can see

Above the canopy

The mind goes to sleep

You know then

That it is beyond your control

To hold another world

In your thoughts

A tree

Reaching up in the mist

Turns very delicate

Too fast

Still remembering

How it came

From the rock.

123. The creator

Te creator baby

The creator baby

 

He came with

An uncanny talent

The discovery of which

Is connected to pain

He is

Bigger than me

Lovely and untouchable

Very close and very far

And he is

In me

He knows how to do things

Like a magical being

Like the operator behind the scene

He is

The ageless baby.

122. A soft dark secret

 

A late night drawing:

Soft dark secret

Soft dark secret

The morning words:

If you have

A soft dark secret

That’s how high you can get

Before it starts

Bleeding

Then you start

Coming close together

Out of fear

And even though

We provide a sky for you

You feel that it is limited

And pressured

And of course you hear a whisper

In the ear, saying

Dark secret…

Dark secret…

 

The words after the words:

All that comes after these words is an illusion of course.

The bleeding is a way for the energy to go.

It can only go down because the person feels that it is impossible to go up (the pressured sky). There is also the violet barrier at the top.

The left side wants to escape in another direction but is encumbered by the secret.

The fact that the same color is used for the dark secret and the barrier at the top means that the barrier is about the secret. It says: If this is what you did you don’t deserve to go higher than this.

I know I have to release this. But again, as it happened in the past, even though this is what I think, I do not feel like doing the release process. I have a feeling there is another way.

This was an illusion that I created and now I play suffering from it.

When people speak and do and the speaking and doing do not match, I believe in what they do.

When I think and feel and the thinking and feeling do not match, I believe in what I feel.

I speak with Int.

1. I want to be free.

2. How? What to do now?

And I do another drawing.

Shine

Shine

And the words come:

Let your pain and suffering

Come out as light

It is life on earth

It is part of being here

Open the storehouse

Of light

And shine

At first it will come out

With stones

And broken teeth

But then

Only light will flow.

This is the way.

 

And I said: OK.

121. Quite here but disappearing

Woken up around 3:30 at night, with the whole body trembling. I feel as if a different energy than my usual is entering my body. Maybe it is a dream and I am only half awake. I want to stay with it and allow the process to happen. After a while it is so uncomfortable that I get up and come to the studio. I turn on the light above the table.

I have been meditating a lot in bed at night. When the pain wakes me up I meditate. I connect with the feeling of “I.” I can experience how the body happens with all that happens in it. It is being manifested into being all the time. And I am watching everything. Then I fall asleep. The drawing is also about moving back and forth between the physical and the non physical.

Quite here but disappearing

Quite here but disappearing

Look

It is light blue outside now

Quite here but disappearing

And that’s the way it goes

The fruit that you are waiting for

Looks like leaves

But it is not

It is the body of the dream

In this cool air

Quite here

But disappearing.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.