Archive for the 'Intuition' Category

323. The life-forms will decide

A rock and a shadow
Stand on the flexible green
And a cloud comes
To cover them

It turns out
The shadows have been going on
From far in the past
And into the future

Unfinished life forms have only to ascend
As the blue haze is hinting
To come to a place
Of peace

The life forms
Will decide

Or does it only
Seem so?

The rock and the shadow seem to be me and my shadow thoughts.
The flexible green is the village where I grew up. Much of the shadows start early in life.
The cloud is the way our subconscious thoughts are unknown to us, until we learn how to hear them.

We know this, don’t we? The shadow thoughts are those that prevent the energy of our infinite self from being expressed by us in the life that we live.

Life forms are me and you and others. We constantly change, so we can be seen as unfinished, until we discover one day that we are like dreams. We always represent our state of mind of the moment.

Can we choose how we want to be?

322. Addition to 321

I would like to add something to the previous entry.

In the composition there are two spots that have some uniqueness, some characteristics that are different from everything else in the picture.
These are: the area that looks somewhat like a head with dots inside and the area that represents the pain. Here they are:

These two spots relate to each other in their colors, textures and the feeling of having interruptions in them. I could call it spottiness. Please look at them in the big picture, in the previous entry.
In the head, the spots look like a decoration. In the pain area the feeling is of a bleeding in a weak system.

Because these two spots are the only different places in the painting, they become important, and the relationship between them becomes important too. They become the subject of the art. Usually the subject of a picture is the strongest and biggest element. and here the subject is almost negligible. The two big movements in this painting, this of the lines and that of the color shapes appear to be the strongest and biggest elements. Maybe it will be more correct to say now that the subject of the art is the contradiction between the strong and big elements and the smaller but disturbing elements.

This correctly represents the situation I am in. There is the big movement of opening and connecting more and more to the infinite part of us, and there is the disturbance of the pain.

The pain is related to thoughts that are at the same time beautiful and separated.
Thoughts, beliefs and expectations bring about the experiences that we end up having. Some of the thoughts, the red ones, are connected to the pain by color. If I could let go of these thoughts, maybe this will stop the creation of the pain? And what stands in the way of letting them go? It is the fact that they are considered by me to be beautiful.

Usually we would think that thoughts that create pain must be ugly, shameful, and having other such characteristics. But many of the thoughts that bring us agony are actually being loved by us. This is why we do not want to let them go. Is this true? These thoughts are usually chosen in a very young age, in traumatic circumstances. The child, let’s say the really lovely three years old child, encounters danger. Out of love, and out of wanting to make the situation better, he courageously decides on the spot to act in a way that for him will be the best solution. He feels that it will be a sacrifice. He will have to let go of something that is enthusiastically loved by him. But he is determined to do good, and save the moment. It is beautiful. He is a hero. But this choice of his leads to blocking his connection to his flowing happiness and this creates all kinds of suffering, including, in time, physical suffering.

What do you think?

321. A bidirectional bridge

Thoughts go right
Feelings aim left
White is all around
Red is where it hurts

And if this makes you want to ask
Let the questions go
Sink instead
To where the questions come from.

I’ll go line by line in the end. But first I’ll say this:
The poem is how I read the art. At first it is just finding content, quite intuitively. As this inner seeing goes on, a deepening of the awareness happens on its own. A deeper view becomes available and it expresses itself in the end of the poem.

This is a general characteristic of art making. When making art, any form of art, we tune in to deeper layers of who we are. You can call it a meditative effect. The noise of the outer layer of our life calms down. More subtle energies start to be noticed.

This happens too in the drawing and in the addition of background colors. The drawing already is a process of increasing awareness. So when the background colors’ time comes, I am already in a deeper state than the way I started, and the background colors are added with greater understanding and compassion. (Note: I do the background after I do the line-work.)

The whole event, the drawing, painting, reading and interpreting, is about introducing awareness to what is going on in the mind at the time of making the art and reading it.

Now line by line (almost):
I took the drawing to be the thoughts. They created in the picture a bridge like shape that feels as if it goes to the right.
The background color shapes seem to be aiming at the left and I took them as feelings or the energetic movements under the thoughts.
There seems to be a contradiction here. Why would the thoughts and feelings go in opposing directions? This question is not being answered. But note that the color shapes were added when already in a deeper state than in the beginning.
White all around is the feeling of the infinite awareness that is everywhere.
The pain is in my feet. In almost all of my artworks there is some expression of the pain.
And here, in the end of the poem, comes the advise from the deeper and wiser state. Go to an even deeper awareness. Answers that come from shallow layers of us will not encompass the whole picture. They will be partial, and more questions will have to be asked and answered. Better to sink deeper into the infinity that is us, and allow something more fundamental to emerge.
And better yet: No matter how deep the answers come from, It is awareness that notices them.

320. One little cloud over the mountaintop

In the beginning there was a face
With jugged lines
As if hacked
From a Redwood tree

Then the forehead
From which the stories came
cleared up
And you could see the endless sky

And you could see the forest
As it hugged the flowing waters
Carving their path in the earth
From ice to sea

Then a woman of light
With a cane
Stood up to tell her pain
To the hollow pine of history

And as her light ascended in the air
One little cloud
Came to rest
On the mountaintop.

——————————————————————————————————————–

I saw myself for what I am and therefore the woman was seen for what she is.
She is my mother, and this seeing releases her from the character that she played in our dream life. I can laugh now. History is indeed empty.

319. Glimpse

I close my eyes
And let the not-body see

My body can be found afloat
among the houses, tables, pencils, thoughts
Emerging from the ground of all

I move between my feelings and my pen
As if I fly
From dream to dream

Myself has turned to air.

I let everything go. My attention goes to where it usually is, which is everything that has to do with seeing. Seeing seems to be the strongest attraction and if you try to feel where you are, when you close your eyes, most probably you’ll find that your attention is somewhere where it feels that seeing happens: Somewhere inside of your head in the front part. The place where thinking happens is maybe also as strong. But this is only a habit. You can move yourself to another place. Or you can shift your inner listening to another mode. You can settle yourself into an energetic attention. This is what I did here. I found myself just attending to the field of awareness.

In the beginning it looks empty. Then you feel that it is alive. Then you start knowing that it is eternal, and you may start knowing more things. In this specific case I started seeing colors. The painting was some expression of that. The reason for seeing colors may have been my expecting this to happen or even just wanting.
And when you find your body, your thoughts and emotions or your experiences, in this context, Then this is what the poem describes. The sense of beauty is inherent in this state.

Your experiences will be unique to you, if you try this. Don’t take this writing as a guidance. My teacher of meditation would say: “Let go of imagining altogether. See what is there already.” What is there is awareness that you can experience. And beyond this there is nothing. That nothing you can’t experience. You just experience that there is nothing. And this nothing is you.

318. A healing event

I have not been here for a while, as you know. But I continued to work on myself.
“Working on myself” is only a way of talking. I did not work. I watched myself, my inner workings, in the most pleasant way that I know of. It is a pleasant way for me of course. Other people surely have their different most pleasant ways. And for some, my way may be most pleasant too. As I wrote before, this is my main way to keep being aware of my inner life, but I also do other things, like meditating and learning from other people and from non physical guides.
If your way is different, you can learn the deeper principles of this work, see if they feel right to you and apply it to your way, if you feel inspired.

What is my way?
I draw and paint intuitively, and I read my art, to know what is going on in my mind.

There is a part of the inner conversation that is easy to know. What we consciously think, we can know. But we usually are not aware of the conversations between our experiences of our world and our subconscious. The subconscious has a much faster language than our spoken language. It responds to everything that we encounter so fast that there is already a response from the subconscious, before we even start noticing that something happens. And so much happens that we don’t catch. These mostly missed thoughts are important because they indicate what we create and what we experience in our life.

If we want to know what is going on in our minds, and what will determine our experiences, we need to be in a deeper state.
What does it mean?
It means relating to what happens in our minds not from a content point of view, but from an energetic point of view.

I’ll give an example: Let’s say I argue with my friend. He gets angry and insults me. From a content point of view I feel hurt and endangered, and I want to protect myself.
From an energy point of view the feeling of being insulted is a movement and contractions of energy, created in the body by two contrasting energies. One is the energy that is generated from the thought that I am weak and in danger. The other, contrasting energy is the energy of my higher self, or the energy that creates me and watches me always. This energy is impossible to describe in words, but in some short way it is described as love. The two energies mix with each other and create disharmony. This is what I experience, if I relate to what happened energetically. This disharmonious mixture is unpleasant. It is the essence of suffering.

Now comes a strange thing. It has to do with this energy that we call the higher self or who we are or any other name. This energy or this consciousness can do things that we people don’t think are possible. So I’ll describe. But please know that it is really impossible for me to describe.

Imagine that you are an infinite consciousness that has no shape or any boundary. You are like a transparent clay too. You can shape yourself into any shape. You can think in many ways. you can experience everything that you shape yourself into. You can make yourself into many beings that all have these same capabilities. And you experience all of them all the time, with all their thoughts and actions and experiences when they encounter their worlds. Well, this is you. Roughly. But this reality is mostly hidden from us. We focus on thoughts, things and feelings, and we miss this underlying part of who we are.
Reading my art enables me to see my patterns of creation and to free myself of unwanted automatic reactions that obscure my freedom.

So this infinite mind is the part that starts experiencing the mixture of energies that does not feel good to us. Some of this mixture is the flow of my infinite consciousness itself, unhindered. The other part of the mixture is itself too, but made to be less free. This is us as people. And it is like a huge body of streaming water that encounters a little disturbance in the flow. The disturbance is smoothed out and it disappears into the general flow.

This is what we can call a healing event. This is also the only possible healing of thoughts, emotions and even bodies. It happens in all kinds of modalities and therapies, when the therapy is “working”, and in most cases the therapists themselves don’t know that this is what happens.

This was a simplified description, done by someone who still does not know much. Take it as a description of a view, given by a mostly blind person. Don’t trust me blindly. Walk your own path with your inner eyes wide open.

316. Birds in the blue sky

I thought just now of calling it: birds falling from the sky.

As in many times before, many shapes that I drew, not knowing what I was doing, ended up looking like strange animals. I did not think of any birds and no people were planned.
But now there is a man in the left lower corner, doing something and maybe using a second head to look at the biggest falling bird. Maybe it is falling right on him?
On the right there is a bra hanging from a tree branch.
It seems there is some ground at the bottom. It is not drawn. But several things stand on it. This is why, for me, it feels that an earth must be there.
At the top there is a big bird feeding a young, smaller bird, while in flight, as airplanes sometimes do. maybe there is a cat down on the earth, with some unknown creature standing on its back.
So what is behind what I draw here?
I somewhat like this drawing. I did not add paint to it, to preserve it as it is, in the most alive state, before the power of the colors reduces its strength. Being raw, you can feel the fascination with the shimmering of everything. This is how I see things nowadays.
It is not a perfect drawing. The hanging bra and one little bird, alone in the air, at the top left, break the diagonal flow of everything else. The little bird moves at least. But the bra is defying every tendency in the drawing, by hanging vertically, as if nothing is happening around it.

This is not a happy drawing, though the deep curiosity is here, and curiosity is a happy state. So it is a mixed mood.

I love birds, I love rocks (there are two at the lower right corner), I love cats, I love people, I love the sky. There is nothing in the drawing that I do not love.
Maybe the issue of the drawing is the inconsistencies?
Maybe it is the big event of the central big bird falling and the chaos that it creates?
Of course there are always details in life that continue their natural way of behaving, as if nothing happened, as in all cases when some disaster occurs.

This is it! I have caught the essence of the drawing for me.
How do I know?
When I wrote this it felt right.
So:
Disaster happened.
and nature goes on as if everything is okay.
The sky continues to be wonderful.
Painfully, the recognition is being forced on you: the big disastrous event is only in your eyes. Big as it is, it comes and goes without leaving a mark in infinity.
There is joy everywhere.
The universe with no borders is flowing gracefully and lovingly forever.
Everything happens and nothing happens.

It is like all the little waves that you bump into when swimming in the lake. How many of them will you remember when you are already out of the water, lying on your back on a big towel and watching birds in the blue sky?

315. One big eye

There is an upper part
and a lower part
in the drawing

The clouds in the night sky
fly near the moon
then they freely go much farther

They are echoes
of the
no-sound

The earth is always hurrying somewhere
but this is truly
part of a bigger flow

The horizon is a line
that is
only in the mind

Is it all but
one big eye
looking?

314. Two me

I cry
For how I suffer
For how I let my youthful thoughts
effect my stay

My feet are burning
But
Being infinite
I split myself to two

The deeper
wiser me
Takes the crying me
In hands

Look around, I say
See how energy makes the trees
Do you see
How sensitive it is

And happy
As
It
Flows?

You too are energy
And all you see around
Is you
Including me

Do you see
How much
you love
yourself?

313. The cloud and the stream

The cloud/fog

I saw blue. I made the drawing. It is an interpretation, as all channeling is. The reading will be an interpretation too.

—————————

The first result:
Childhood memories

It is a cloud that seems to be everywhere, but more dense, in the kind of density that clouds can create, above me. Maybe it is more like fog. I know that there is clear, beautiful sky, beyond this fog. Just three years ago I stood in my crib, looked at this beautiful sky through the open window in the living room and admired it. I did not have the fog yet.

The fog is only for me. Other kids around me do not seem to have this fog all over and above them. They seem to be fearless, compared to me. They speak freely, sing freely, play freely. Only I have this fog.

The fog makes everything that I want to do difficult. I move through viscous caution. I speak, sing, even think, through this fog that only I know about. Others do not see it, except for women. Some women have the ability to see it. I know that my mother sees, but she never says anything about it. I have to be very careful with women. As long as I am doing what they approve of, I am okay. But I can never be sure. I may do something that will anger them, and they will punish me. Women can punish. I am never safe. What will I do without my mother, if I anger her?

I don’t have words for all that I am describing to you now. I feel all of this and I can’t explain it. Even if I could, I would not dare to create words about it. I don’t even dare to look at the fog. I act as if the fog does not exist. It seems that most people do not notice.

Somewhere, in a deep and hidden place inside of me, I know that I have given up my freedom. But since I know that I cannot have it, I make myself numb, so I will not feel the despair. Despair and fear make the cloud.


Not as I usually do, I knew what I was drawing before I started. Usually, as you can see in most of the previous entries, I allow what wants to come to show up, and then I read it or relate to it in another way. This time I experienced the fog and wanted it to speak. You saw what it said.

I still have it. I have broken through it numerous times. Sometimes I broke through it many times in one day. At times I stayed above the fog, so to speak, for days, weeks, and months on end. But it is still here. Especially when I am about or already in the process of breaking through the fog in an even greater way. The mere readiness to face some new frontier is enough to provoke the fog, even if it was dormant for a while. So I am having this conversation with my infinite being, through the drawing and the reading.

——————————-

Now, even as the blue lines wanted to tell that story from my childhood, there are many other ideas that showed up in the drawing, and I am going to write about them now.

Here is what can be noticed in the drawing.
There is a stream with waves and there are some less flowing shapes above and below the stream that join the stream. Also, the stream starts from the left, where it is less flowing. It starts from a place that almost does not move.The lines there are heavier and clumsier. If you follow the flow from the bottom, there is only one line that goes from the bottom into where, after some hesitation, the flowing starts. There are two more lines that come into the picture from the bottom. They come together and just point up but do not join the movement.

What if the stream is transparent? What if it is a strong stream of unseen substance, that, when it moves through physical things, it draws them into the flow. Do they want to move? Probably not. They want to continue being the physical things that they are. But the stream wins. It pulls the physical things into itself, and now we can see the movement because it seems that the physical things are what the stream is made of.
The physical things can also be thoughts that have become persistent. They too do not want to change. But the stream takes them on its trip and they gradually dissolve into its better feeling.

And there are two separate shapes above the stream that fly independently up there. They seem to have a smooth flight. Why are they looking back?

I am going to jump to the words that come to me now.
It is like a description of a whole life. Its essence is an unseen stream that seems to attract to itself some reluctant physical things or habitual thoughts, and they end up moving along with the stream, as it goes all the way out of the picture. There is no doubt in this drawing that the stream continues, after it comes out of the frame. Still within the picture, its flow becomes more flowing. Maybe it is moving faster and easier in the right side of the picture, as it has less things to carry; or the things that it carries get more streamlined.

Did I mean to draw all these things? No. I thought about the cloud but did not know how I will draw it. I just felt that a line wanted to be here and another one there, and I agreed to draw them accordingly. Why? Because it felt good to do so.

———————————

This good feeling is the sign, for me, that I am drawing what my deeper part wants to tell me, based on my state of mind. The good feeling is from the energy of my deeper part. My state of mind was that I wanted to be free of the fog. The first thing that came was the painful story of the habit of thought that a childhood trauma has created. (This is just a way of saying, but the truth is that I have created everything.) The second is the bigger picture, not as it is seen through the eyes but as it is felt as the energetic reality. From this, deeper view, the drawing tells me that I am getting freer from the fog. The way I am getting freer is that, because of experiencing the bigger picture; meaning being aware, the weight of the stories of life becomes lighter. If in the beginning of this life the stories were heavy and clumsy, now they let themselves be carried along with the unseen current. They cannot stop the flow because I chose to go with it.

What is the flow? It is who I really am. A part of the infinite flow of everything.

And what are the two birds above the waves? They are me too, on another level. It is the level of being able to see the bigger picture. People call it awareness. In the past, the bird still looked backward, based on the understanding that the past was important for the present. Later, the bird still looks back, but less. This is the development.

The stream is free of the stories. I know this. All the stories end up melting into it. What will happen to the stories of the past? What will happen to the bird?

Well, it is not the stories that melt. It is how I relate to them that is losing ground. They will stay. My brother will still have his eighty years birthday in a few days. My children will still be in their middle age years, and they too will make choices every day, about joining the stream of who they are or resisting a little bit more. My relation to all the stories will come only from my true essence, from my steam that flows forever.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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