115. Fruit

There is no picture with this entry. You are invited to imagine it for yourself.

It is night. No sleep, as the pain makes me move constantly. Around 4 I start paying attention to the feeling of “I”. I have found that this is one of the things that sometimes helps reducing or eliminating the pain for a while.

I used to do it in this way: I would say to myself the word “I” in my mind and feel what it did to the body when I said this. Then I would think something along these lines: Of course “I” is not this feeling that I experience. It is what is watching it. And this would lead to moving myself, in my imagination, away from that experience to the air around it, so to speak, from which I watched the experience.

But this night I did it differently. I did not want to labor with anything. I just said “I’ in my mind and searched for where I could feel “I”. That’s all. I felt the “I” inside of all the experiences that I had, and it was not them anyway, without having to move out. For some reason it seems hard to explain this now. But doing it was very natural. If you don’t try to solve it through thinking, this happens automatically.

As I did it, I started to feel the flow of old thoughts, old beliefs, old expectations as it was leaving me in great speed. It became a cleansing process.

The pain also was seen, in this state, as something in the process of cleansing. The experience of pain was how it felt as it was leaving me. There was a certain amount that was kept somewhere and it was streaming out.

After about half an hour like this, it started to be difficult to find that “I” any more. Then I could not find it.

When I started to move, there was this strange body moving right here. It was not clear to me whether I was seeing it from outside or inside but it surely was not “I”. It was moving on its own, like an unreal thing with its own program. I could not see what was making it move. “I” certainly did not do it because it was not there.

In the end of the stream of old garbage, where there were spaces, there was joy in them. I started to feel very good. This is the joy of who I am that is naturally there, when it has some space to come through.

Then I realized that what I do with art, the method of intuitive flow, is exactly this: I tune in to “I”. I tune in to “I” by trusting and following my sense of beauty, and immediately as I start doing it, the stream of useless old beliefs starts streaming out and onto the paper. It is just the same process, only going on slower and enabling me to see what is happening. When I work with people, this is what they experience, and the art, which results, enables them to see what comes out and know that it is leaving them. This knowing is important, because it makes it possible for them to know that from now on they are free from having to conduct their lives, based on that belief. It is an easy way to create this healthy process and be aware of it at the same time. And just as it happened with the attention alone, during the early hours of the morning, it happens with the art process: Joy comes pretty fast. This is how people sometimes come in to sessions upset and worried and leave, after an hour, joyful. The joy is from them. It is the essence of who they are naturally, as it has found it way to appear, when the density of inner programs was reduced.

1 Response to “115. Fruit”

  1. 1 ML May 14, 2012 at 5:02 am

    Reading Jiddu Krishnamurti right now, and what you are writing relates to those readings…thanks!

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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.


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