I tune in to my emotions when the pain just doesn’t stop at night. I stay with them and find that there is some pressure in my throat. It is as if someone is pressing on my thyroid gland. I remember that I basically always feel this pressure. But it becomes emphasized when I struggle with the pain. Looked at from another angle, it is possible to say: The pain is here to impress this experience of the pressured thyroid on me, so I can become aware of it more than usually, so I can deal with it.
This is a core issue.
It seems that 4 AM is the time for discoveries for me. I did this drawing at another one of those 4 AM’s.
Long, long ago
Going-in-with-words brought this:
What do you want
My friend,
Being afraid and turning away?
It does not stink here any more.
The sprayed red is old.
Stop shaking.
Look at the stars
Flying by.
You are soaked with old blood.
Let the soft fog
Comfort you.
You don’t have
To shamefully recoil
Any more.
I can see how you
Want to hold on
To something true.
You are shocked,
You think that you cannot grow
And want
To escape.
This speaks about an old shock, and it also says what so many healers have told me before: This was long ago. It was horrible, but you do not have to carry this with you any more. It is time to let go of this horror and be free to grow now.
The difference between this time and the other times, when the healers said this to me, is that this time it is my intuition that speaks. When my intuition speaks, changes are made in my subconscious mind. My automatic underground machine of reactions to life’s events is being changed into a more forgiving one.
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