97. I have been awake for a while

I have been awake for a while. The color of the sky in the little corner of my window starts changing. I sit at the window seat and look toward the east, along the street that leads to the hospital. I see the lights of the emergency cars, big and blinding. I sense the energy of this area, near the entrance to the emergency room. It is filled with fear and worry and a heroic fight against the fear and the worry, which only makes them stronger, as this is the nature of the mind. And far, way far from the end of the street, even beyond the top branches of the trees lining Sunnyside Park, this is where the real drama happens now. The colors are coming into the day.

I make tea and sit on the window seat for a short while. I am not sure what it is that I am feeling. I go to my studio. Intuition leads me to use only the colors that have remained in the mixing compartments of the watercolor box from years of mixing colors in them (See the box’s picture in entry #58). Some of them are there still from the children’s book “The Miracle of the Potato Latkes” done many years ago, using this watercolor box and the same paper that I am using now (Rives BFK, Moulin du Gue). Every time I use the colors from these compartments I remember that book. It was a strong experience, an adventure and a mystery too to make a whole book by dipping a wet brush in little cakes of color and transferring pigments to a piece of paper, which is also a miracle of thin fibers holding on to each other and carrying on them the marks that I make. And these created a story and generated emotions that made children want to do things, like explore their lives, explore their emotions, feel love and wonder.

I draw. Here is the drawing.

Little children with love

Little children with love

You’d think that by now I’d know what to do with it, but I don’t. I try to look at the big picture and this is what I write, to help me see:

Mainly two parts.

One is a group of differents (The computer dictionary disagrees but I leave the word as it is)

Taking roots

And playing together

Not knowing what’s going on with them (just like me).

The second is love coming from the left

Softly touching

Saying I’m here, I’m loving.

And together, the children start growing

And are full of wonder

Allowing their truth come into them

Fill their bodies

 And activate them

To live as wonder

And love.

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My Pages

The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.


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