In two drawings that I did one after the other, though, with a day in between, there was a yellow part that seemed to be pushed away by the other colors. It was as if the yellow wanted to dance, but the other colors danced there and pushed the yellow away. Do you see that?
I wondered what was going on there? Who is the yellow and why is he being pushed away?
In the next drawing they were all mixed together but not with a comfortable feeling. I am not relating to everything in the drawing. Just to the fact that they are mixed and do not feel comfortable together. Do you see the density and the feeling that they are all going against each other?
I went back and looked at the first drawing in this series and asked: Who are you, the yellow? And made a drawing.
The first association that came to me, as I looked at this was: It looks like a man, walking from the left to the right, slightly leaning forward, with his legs hurting and his head caught up in a conflict. Since this was the first idea that came to my mind, I trusted it.
Then I asked: Well, Yellow, what do you want? And made a drawing.
This is what came:
It wants to flourish, to grow and flourish. But it has a problem where it starts. Things don’t go well there. Or maybe this was in the past and now this thing is beyond that.
Then I felt that what I drew did not really cover everything that was there and there was more that wanted to come, so I drew again.
This looks like anger. The yellow was upset at being stopped.
But there was something unique about this anger that burst out suddenly. I was not involved with it. It just happened there in front of me and I felt playful.
I wondered if I needed to draw again and let this anger go out all the way, so nothing will be left. This was a thought. But in terms of feeling I did not feel I wanted to draw. There was no emotional need wanting to see the light. I left the process and did not feel anything pressing.
When I drew again, later, everything worked together in the drawing, and it even expressed the experience of not being too involved in what was happening.
The brown shape is there, doing something different than all the other shapes. It points up and the other shapes mostly go to the left, and go past the brown, through it. It is a bit affected, but still doing what it does. You can see that the last green shape starts identifying with the brown. So these are two systems that live at the same place in a parallel way, each doing its thing. The greens and the orange are the system of all the things that happened before. I’ll call it “The Story.” It shows the way this system changed and how it looks now. Was the conflict in the story resolved? Maybe partially yes and partially not. The second system is the brown, being there in the same place, watching and allowing the greens and orange do what they do.
When I looked at this drawing I felt wonderful. I knew that an emotional event ended in the most wonderful way. Not in the way in which one side won and the other lost, but in the way that it became not important and left to be as it was, as my identification went to a deeper place.
And I remember now something that happened many years ago. I lived in a village in Israel. I had three kids. The eldest was out somewhere and the two younger ones, between the ages of four and six, quarreled, which was rare, and came to me to complain. Look at what she did to me, said one. Look at what he did to me, said the other. I told them that since both of them are my children, I love them the same, and I cannot be good to one and bad to the other, so they will have to solve their conflict on their own. The conflict ended right there.
There is something in this to learn from about what healing really means. You can say that I had an inner conflict and I needed to heal from it. Had I not healed from it, It would have created more and more problems, which in their turn would have cause my energy to not flow fluently throughout my system and this might have lead to illness.
But what I want to point out here is the way the healing of the conflict happened. It did not happen by having one side win. This would not have healed anything, because the losing side would not die but gather force again, which would lead to the next conflict. This kind of resolution always leads to turning the conflict into a perpetual thing. Maybe one encounter ends in “A” winning and the next with “B” winning. But the conflict stays. The only real solution is when we find that there is a condition of wellbeing beyond the conflict. For this wellbeing it does not matter which way the conflict ends, because it knows clearly that the conflict cannot even touch this state of wellbeing. It is the love, which is the essence of this condition, which both sides of the conflict seek. That’s why they dissolve in its presence. This is what healing means.