Healing and growth through intuitive art
Hearing the sound
The knowledge that does not fit in the shape
Requires a mouth that is shut for now
The joy of expanding
Like children in a school break
Running out to the yard
Is like an eye that is open to the ocean
The face that will not be intact any more
Collapses because of an ear that hears the eternal sound
A hair that flies in the wind is left
From the static posture that breaks open.
The left and the right.
There is some discrepancy between the right side and the left side of the picture. The left is loose and hardly organized. It looks like something that is falling apart. The right is better organized, but it is losing some of its order by the pressure and movement that come from the left.
The right is filled with interesting things that try hard to hold on to their shapes. The left looks as if it used to have shapes too, but with the movement, no good form is left in it.
What does it mean?
From the point of view of the story of life, this painting may depict a traumatic and frightening event.
From energy point of view it is just the process of change. In the end of it, maybe there will appear new forms that will be better adjusted for swift movement? And it is also possible that after this movement the forms will disappear all together and there will only be a peaceful sea of energy, in which some things appear and disappear.
The forms are the story.
The sea is the ground of all.
So what do they think about the wind?
From the story point of view it is what brings a disaster.
From energy point of view it is how freedom manifests.
Contemplating head, stormy body and a rebellious neck
If this is a person, then his head looks as if it is planning something. But when you go down to the body, you find it quite emotional. My sense of structure cried out for some stability and this is why the pencil frames appeared, as building blocks that provide some stable interpretation of what is too raw and unplanned. In spite of the frames being so light, the emotions pay respect to them, and they do not go far away from the frames. Or you can say that the frames were sensitive to the rawness of the emotions and framed them only lightly.
In the neck, the free expression of the emotions has to change, so that the lower part can create a connection with the thinking mode of the head. And it is here that some rebellion happens (in blue). The emotions do not want to convert themselves into logic
What do you wish for this man?
That love will be the arranger of the expression of his life and its uniqueness.
And this whole picture explains why it is a bit hard for this person to speak right now. Voice comes from the neck, doesn’t it?
Spots of light on the flow of life
These are nerves, and the flow of life. The dots are the mysterious spots of light on the flow of life.
If you take those lights away, the nerves will only follow their usual routines for habitual actions. But when you put the spots of happiness in, the nerves and the flow of life become happy too.
This is how the reading came to me.
This view is not scientific for sure. But it comes from being in a meditative state. It is dream-like and feels good. The process that I go through has brought me to a good state.
When we feel good, more unhappy habits float to the surface. They can’t survive in a happy environment. It is a chance to take care of them. This is why we go up and down.
Variations on stagnation and release
This drawing (The one at the top) is full of people. All of them are suffering. Their hard lives left marks on them. They are thinking all the time, remembering the harsh, the longed-for, the yearnings. They are colorful in a grey way. Each of them is a story of unchanging, of stagnating, of holding on and not letting go.
Who are they?
Why did they come to visit me this night?
What shall I do with them?
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In the second drawing a woman who is also a girl appears, with a few house items. One of them is a baby’s play pan or bed. I know how we think, especially if we are therapists: There is something here about early childhood trauma, something about unhappy relationship between the baby and his mother. I don’t get excited any more by these story hints. The story is not so important as the release of its energy. Having done the drawing and having seen what is in it is enough for some releasing to have happened already.
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In the next morning I look at the page and feel that the page wants another drawing down there. In this drawing strange creatures come out from a pipe or a cylindrical container and run away. They look like bad energy. The container they have escaped from is left transparent and empty. (There is no bad energy, folks. We consider bad if it is against what we want.)
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Having not read the second drawing, does it mean that we do not really need the reading? Well yes. When we make art intuitively, the mere fact that intuition, which is a happy and flowing state, is the viewer of the unhappy beliefs, releases these beliefs (At least partially). There is an advantage to the reading though. The reading makes clear what happens in the subconscious. And when the reading shows that something was released, it is very convincing to the person whose process it is. Knowing that it has happened, that person will start to expect to be free of that belief, and this expectation creates his life to be without that hindering belief. But for me, who has done this process so many times, there is already the knowledge that a release has occurred. So I can do a shorter process. But in many cases I am still fascinated by the readings and continue to do them. They always bring more from the subconscious than what comes without them. This works specifically well if the reading is done intuitively too.
The healthy part and the weak part
This drawing describes me exactly, as I am now. And it can show me the way to change this way that I am, into another one that I prefer, if I feel like it.
It still surprises me to see how well this method works in showing me to myself.
You can say that there are several parts in this drawing. But there is one part that is different from all the rest, so I separate the drawing now, for my purpose, into two parts: the big upper part and the smaller lower part.
The lower part includes the horizontal line in a grayish purple, two strange creatures on the left, a little anemic cloud on the right and even the lower part of both legs of what looks like a child, if you agree to see a child there, wearing green pants and having a brownish head and shoulders.
All these lower components are anemic, so to speak. They don’t have vibrant energy. I hope they will come out with the same effect in the web version of the photographed drawing.
Maybe it is possible to jump in our imagination a step or a continuity further, and to see that the healthy and vibrant bigger part is clearly the winner here, and since they are all connected, the health will spill over and change these anemic parts for the better.
And we can also think further and say that somehow, the lower parts did not get enough energy and they are failing to fulfill their part in the community of the body.
We could say so, and it would make sense, and we could then look for reasons for blocking the energy from flowing into the legs. Or since it is a degenerative disease, as the doctors say, that happens to the whole body, and only starts in the feet, maybe the lack of energy is to the parts that do things in the world, that walk on the earth and that give shape to worldly things. (The hands are the next in line.)
We could go on forever actually, because there will always be something missing from our conclusions and answers. We can never get a complete answer from dealing with the questions only through thinking. Thinking is the biggest limitation that we have as humans. I know that this is a shocking declaration and most people will oppose it. Thinking is our best instrument after all, but only as long as we do not know the bigger truth, which is, that we are not the body and even not our thoughts. We are a consciousness or whatever you want to call it, that is infinite, present in all things, everywhere, and this consciousness or beingness is creating the body and its thinking, to experience creation in a three dimensional world, and to experience being limited but eventually finding the way back to recognizing what we are. It is like sending a part of ourselves to an incredible adventure, in which that part is completely lost, but then, using clues that do not make sense at first, that part finds its way back home, into knowing who it is. That knowing does not happen through thinking. That knowing is not a logical answer to a logical question, but a state of being with wider horizons that are beyond thinking’s limits.
I think this is enough for one entry. This direction will continue in the next entry.
Everything that I used to see as concrete is turning into states of moving energy.
More and more subtle
I haven’t written for the blog for quite a long time.
The reason is that I am changing and for a while I lost the clear feeling of direction. I would wake up every morning and ask: Where am I? What am I doing here? Where am I going? I’m still doing it.
When I started this blog I was interested in reading my subconscious. I wanted to find everything that stood in the way of the free flow of joy and I wanted to release its hold on the subconscious.
More specifically I wanted to find the thought patterns that created the damage to the nerves of my feet, as you could read in the “about” page.
I thought I had found everything. But the pain is still with me and I know that I am still missing something. Actually I know what I am missing. I need to be in such a sate in which agreeing to suffer is impossible. A state in which word stories are seen through and known to be the illusion that creates illusions.
Some things worked wonderfully. I found some programs in the subconscious that were surprising to me. Again and again I had confirmations to the validity and value of this method that I came up with. I learned to trust it more and more. I explained how the method works a number of times in the blog, and I have written about it more in my book Opening Intuitive Flow Through Artwork. And I wrote about it in different discussion forums. Working so intensely on myself, by using this method, has made me a better therapist. I had a supervision group of art therapists and they learned to use this method too. I did workshops and taught others how to use it. I presented it in conferences and in lectures.
When I decided to stop the public demonstration of the work on the pain, I continued to do the work. I knew that there would be many repetitions as this always happens, and I did not want to describe these in the blog.
But writing the entries to this blog became something that I liked a lot, and I decided to change the purpose of the process that I showed in the blog to seeing how far such work can take me.
I had many glimpses of peace and joy and you could read about them as they happened. After a while my whole perspective has changed. I lost interest in my subconscious blocks. They lost their charm for me. When they come I just release them. The ropes that I saw on my path, and thought that they were snakes, as the Buddhist story tells, turned back into ropes. I still find it interesting to help my clients read their subconscious and release whatever stops them from being free and joyful. But for myself, I am not attracted to these any more.
In time I came to live with another kind of energy. I found myself in awe as I came to be in the presence of infinite peaceful space. It became easier and easier to get there, and my main focus started to be the investigation of this space. Just being there makes you happy without any perceivable reason. I realize that this is what I have to do. I have to be in this presence again and again, as it fixes everything that needs fixing. My clients changed too and nowadays most of them go through experiences that are like mine. They discover their inner voice and inner guidance. They find joy and playfulness when the fears and worries leave them.
Doing this blog, as it follows my adventure of going into myself is still one of the most exciting things for me to do, and you are moving with me to wherever my front line is. I appreciate you very much for being with me on this trip, like old friends.
Some changes have already taken place naturally and I am going on. Please feel comfortable to communicate, if you are moved to do so. Good to have you. Thank you.
You are those vibes
You are swimming in the universe. You ask: How can I feel better now? You sense how the question changes everything in the universe. You gulp it in and swallow the universe completely. You feel how it becomes you. Now you are those vibes. Lick your lips. It was good.
Now, when you start feeling the itch, ask again: How can I feel better now?
Celebration with a worry
I started a face, scrambled of course. It started to have features of a bird and I continued making birds. Not so clear indeed. I did a cloud and a little piece of a plant. Then painted, a long process that lasted till the evening, with breaks of course.
I liked the way it looked, but it had some weakness when you looked at it the way it was supposed to stand.
Turned on its side, so that the right became the ground, it looked good, as if it showed a few people standing in a line. But I wanted it to look good the way I planned it. I added the warm, almost orange brown at the bottom and now it is finished. It looks like a one something, big and showing its muscles, or maybe two things, embracing, while something like a fish or a bird is escaping to the left and did not have time to get an inside color.
It is strange and hard to decipher. The feeling is of some celebration with a worry. This can be its name: Celebration with a worry.
The ground, having that “orangeness” to it, feels hot and dancing. Not stable. Maybe the dancers are trying to avoid standing in one place because it is too hot?
It feels as if the whole scene is passing quickly and will disappear soon.
So what is in it for me?
Yes, the ground is burning under my feet. There is some worry above my head. And I dance with whom? I am showing my hands’ muscles. And something escapes me. It seems like a good state to be in. See? It does not have to be something specific in order to shed light on my condition. Whatever it says, I place my name after it or before, with a colon.
It does not matter so much to me any more. In the bodies, in the ground, in the cloud, in the escaping fish and in us the onlookers, presence is there. And presence goes to unknown depths.
Someone is riding the playful waves
I do not plan.
I make what wants to be made.
I listen in and do and do
Until I know it’s finished
I still do not know what it is
I prop it up and look.
I realize I like it.
I find that it’s a happy painting.
Someone is riding the playful waves and is feeling very good.
He comes from green.
He is close to the clouds and can touch them if he wants.
He is bursting with energy
And radiating
Love.
