intuitiveflow

Here is a drawing from 5/1/2011.

A person defined by where he is not

I did it at night. I woke up with so much pain and could not sleep. A few days ago I came back from the hospital. A kidney stone had taken me there, but while there it was found that I had a clogged artery on the heart’s wall, which was resolved immediately. But something else has happened too. They have found that there was something that I could take to reduce or even eliminate the pain for a few hours. It is Codein. They gave it to me while in the hospital and I was pain free during most of the nights for the first time in more than five years. I slept wonderfully. You can imagine how it feels to a person who has not had even one night of more than three or four hours of sleep in the last five years. And these hours were always made up of short, one-hour periods at best. Then I saw that I could also take some less of the Codein during the day and I almost did not have pain during the day too. When I came home I had some of these pills and suddenly I could stand in a book store and look at books.

But what about the project? Well, the project is not about eliminating the pain by blocking something in the nervous system. It is about healing. It is about eliminating the emotional reason for the pain, and leaving the nervous system intact. I can do it even when I feel less of the pain. Maybe I even can do more of it. At first, for five years, I refused to help the pain in any other way than the emotional. Now I saw that I can’t live without sleep, so I have to do it with the relief that I have found.

Then came the night of April 29^th. In this night the pain was not affected by taking the Codein and I decided to take a little more. I wanted to sleep. This little more was a bit too much and it turned out to be an overdose.

During the next day I did not take any of it indeed, to allow the body detoxify and in the next night I took only a small dose, which did not do much. So this is the night in which I got up from being awake and with pain and sat down to make the drawing that you see up there at the beginning. 

Just to finish with this entry before it goes too long I’ll say this:I see that there are two sides in the drawing. Shapes from the two sides go at each other, shouting, being angry, biting, fighting, going head to head. This feels like anger and frustration. There is also limpness, a sense of giving up, sadness and heaviness.

It is also possible to say that all the lines come down from one area where they are all entangled. But there are no parts of the bodies of the lines touching each other. Only the heads touch, where thoughts are. Instead of touching with the bodies, there is a space between the two sides, which almost looks like a person. There is someone there. That someone hears the two sides fighting with each other and his own identity almost disappears. He is defined in this drawing only by where there is no fighting. Isn’t this an interesting thing? A person being defined only by the two fighting sides around it? How abut a country? I won’t go there. 

So we have a person there, I am sure. And I never leave things when they have not been resolved by finding the human core inside. The human core for me is where we are all connected not by a thought but by something deeper than this. I never let go before I find the place inside things where we are all one. So this is where this posting ends. I will have to go inside of that person in the middle, between the fighting sides and find out who he is and what is inside of him. This will be in the next post.

This will be a short entry.

I have placed myself in the public’s eye, saying that in this blog I am going to show you how I cure myself from a terrible chronic pain in my foot.

This is what I am doing and will do. I want to show that there is a connection between what we feel and what our body does. When we have an inner energy conflict or a blockage, our energy does not flow to where it has to flow ideally and disease results. Therefore, by healing what we feel, meaning changing it from fear to love, we also allow the energy in the body go to where it has to go and cure the body. I have no doubt that this is true. But a thought came to me: And what if I fail? After all I have failed in the last five years.

Then this blog will show how I failed. This is my answer. It will still be worth doing, because it is what I am sinking my teeth into these days. I do not even know all the reasons why this is a worthwhile thing to do. I just know, intuitively, that it is so. I could think out a few more reasons of course, but I am not interested. Since this came to me as a worthy thing to do, I’ll just do it.

And you are my eyes who live in other bodies.

Thank you for being my eyes.

Love,

Giora

A history of growing

This is the drawing I made just now. It is 7PM on Friday April 30^th.

Look at it. How would you think I started it and what was the direction that I worked? You’d think that I started from the lower left, where there seems to be some kind of a ground or a base and maybe from this I started to grow that plant-like thing first to the right, then to the left, and then to the right again. Doesn’t it look as if this is the natural way to draw it? 

But no. I started from the upper right.The first thing I did was the arching line that goes from the upper middle, more or less, to the top right side, and outwards. After this I added the shape that is under it, the one that looks as if the upper shape came from it. Then I drew the one that is on the right side, and as if holds the second one. And the last shape I drew is what can be seen as the ground from which everything else started. Why? Why is that so? Isn’t this strange, to build backwards from where things are now, to where they started from? Or is it going down? No, it does not seem to be going down. Only the story in my mind started from where it is now, and went to the past. It is a habit of the subconscious. 

And one more thing. As soon as I started the first line, the one that arches itself to the upper right and almost flies out, I cried suddenly. 

When I started to think about this drawing, this is the first thing I thought: After making this first line and after crying, I did not need to go any farther. Here, in this line and in the crying lies everything that I need to know. But having done the rest of the drawing before I had this thought, taught me some more, and now I have the whole picture, all that my intuition wanted me to read. 

But today I already know everything and I do not need to go through the process of discovering. Before I started writing this blog page I have written two pages without thinking, as a stream of consciousness and as a long poem. I do not want to quote all of what I wrote because it will be too long for a blog post. Instead I’ll show you what I see in my art. 

Every one of the steps has an aspiration or a jumping motion to the right, wanting to go out from the page. But every one of them also has some supporting beams. It is as if soon after making the motion of aspiration and jumping, that shape felt the need to be strengthened, as if it was not strong enough as it was. It felt the need for support. Do you see that? The last one (which is actually the first in the process today,) is too new yet, so it does not have this development but the two middle shapes have grown self support. Not because these shapes really needed it. They felt the need. They felt lack of safety. They wanted to be stronger than they were. 

If we go to the first, the base shape, it looks as if it fell down. It has many support lines but it fell nevertheless. It seems that the more support you collect the faster you fall. So the whole story of my growth, as intuition shows it to me, starts from a broken tree. And with every step of the way after this, the feeling of lack of safety, or lack of strength, inherited from the first step, made me stop my flying motion so I could build the supportive beams. And this is why, when I make a step today I remember how I did not end up flying in all the previous times, and I cry. I really want to fly. 

Now think about it: The idea that I started with no healthy legs or feet to stand on, but a collapsed tree, and that I always felt that my leg or foot strength was not enough, doesn’t it seem to go well together with pain in the foot now, that I feel the urge to fly so strongly?

So here it is. We are jumping right into a somewhat complicated process. It wanted to come now. Simpler ways will appear in future posts. 

In a very early hour of the morning of April the 22^ndI made this drawing. I woke up with pain in my foot. 

Blood in school

The drawing is an intuitive drawing. I won’t get into how to make an intuitive drawing now. First of all you can read about it in my website. Second, There will be an even better description of this process in my book which is on its way. Maybe I’ll explain more in other posts too. It all depends on the fun. For now I can tell you that I did not have any plan. I did not know what I was drawing and I only followed my sense of beauty. Why do anything that is less than beautiful, as I experience it?

When it was finished I let it rest for a while. A day later I looked at it and collected words that just came to me as I was looking. The waiting is not necessary. You can do it immediately after you finish the drawing. I did not try to think or organize the words. I just made a list, as if I was finding them along some road. Here are the words that I collected:

A school building in a valley

Creek

Roots

Library

The town is wrapped around

Early night mountains background

The road nearby

Source of green

Reflects.

Then I started to make sentences with the words, so that they will tell a story.

When I did this, I did not insist on keeping everything precisely as it was. I allowed some of the words to disappear and added others. I also did not insist that anything would make sense at all. I was lead by another kind of sense of beauty, the one that has to do with words and how they are put together. If a sentence that was not there before presented itself to me in the process, I allowed it to become a part of this. 

Here is the final result, after some fooling around with it. As I finished this part of the process, I still had no idea where all this was leading me.

The school building in the valley

Is like a bridge above the creek.

It seems that roots come down from it

As blood into the water.

The town becomes the road

That wraps around the school

And when the mountains of the early evening

Play with see-through violets

This road connects you

To the evergreen reflections

Of all the words

That were not said. 

Let’s take the word school.  My schools never were in valleys. But my first school was inside of a lot of green. In school they taught us everything that they thought we should know, and they tried to hide everything that they did not want us to know, because it was too horrible for them. But those things came to us anyway. They came through energy. We knew them without knowing that we knew, and because of this, these very things became what we lived. This is how I look at the word school in this context.

Let’s look at the words: Like a bridge above the creek.

They remind me of a Zen koan. I am quoting from the book “The Flowing Bridge” by Elaine MacInnes, page 81 (Wisdom Publications, 2007). “A man passes over the bridge. Lo! The bridge is flowing and the waters are unmoving.”

It is possible to see this when you are in the energy of the ground of all and experience how the relative world can be any way you want to see it. It does not have to be as usual. When you write intuitively your words come from the ground of all, so you have the freedom to see things as you wish. These words show a state of mind that allows things to be seen differently than the usual way. This is exactly the great benefit of using intuitive flow. Without even knowing, we tap in to great depth.

It seems that roots come down from it

As blood into the water. 

These words belong to what our educators did not want us to know. Something that had to do with violence and horror, which they have experienced, and could not see themselves giving this experience to us, the children that they taught in school. There is one word that came to my mind in connection with this, and which was not there before. It is the word mother. My mother had experienced violence and horrors. She did not want to remember these, but her life was strongly affected by her experiences, and through her energy I have experienced her horrors too. This is how these lines are connected to my life. This is also the main point that has been discovered through the process that you are reading about. It is connected to my pain, as, hopefully, we will discover in clearer and clearer ways. 

The town becomes the road

That wraps itself around the school 

These words, for me, mean the way that the whole community supported the school educators in their fear of exposing their terrible memories. The whole town joined in the belief that it was necessary to hide some aspects of their experience from the children.

The mountains of the early evening, playing with see-through violets bring me again to a special state of mind. I was returning with my class from a class trip to the desert in the south of Israel. I was a high school boy. We travelled in a big truck and it was the last leg of the trip. I chose to sit at the back, where the tarp covering did not cover the whole view. My eyes rested on the moving violet mountains. We were moving of course, but for me it looked as if the mountains moved, and as the contents of what my eyes saw kept changing, my eyes rested and I was in an unusual peace.

The last four lines: 

The green shapes in the drawing repeat the shapes in the roots of blood. The road that tries to hide ends up inevitably telling the content of what it hides. 

Now let’s take an overview of what I did.

I did an intuitive drawing, which listened quite deeply to the contents of my subconscious at the time I did it.

Then I did an intuitive writing, which listened quite deeply to my intuitive drawing.

And by doing these I listened quite deeply to my inner world’s emotions images and thoughts. Knowing them from that depth has made their hold on my subconscious weaker. The energy of that depth knows the possibility of change. And wherever the hold of subconscious ideas has become weaker, something else has taken their place. This thing is intuitive flow. I have become freer and more intuitive.

Do you want to try?

So the question is: What is art good for?

Many good people have asked this question since the beginning of known history. Many philosophers, scientists and everyone else. 

Now what would make me such an expert that my word is the one that they all have to hear? Instead of giving you an answer to this I’ll get down to my size. I am one of many. I am one of the multitude appearances of the power that is. I am one of you all. Every one of us has a voice that has to be heard. We, the all, cannot be complete without every one of our voices. I am speaking as this part of us all. And I have my story. Your true voice is needed too. 

Some years ago I sat in meditation. It was a retreat with the late Chinese Chan master Sheng-yen. I used to meditate with effort and it made me sick. I had to change my method, so I could go on meditating. Meditation has brought me so much good. My method has become: Including Everything. You can read about this method in Osho’s book “Meditation” on page 168. Yes, you too were included. When I saw Master Sheng-yen in an interview he told me: Everything is in you. That’s all. With his hands he showed widening and further widening of awareness. I asked: You too? He said Yes, I am too in you. He still is. 

It was the session before breakfast and before I knew it I was in a different energy. That’s all I can tell you. There was no sense of time and effort. I did not see anything special. I just knew without thinking. This was not the first time.

When the bell rang in the end of this session I decided to stand up. I don’t know why. A sentence came into my mind: Now, that you have seen this, it does not make any sense whatsoever to do anything in this world that is not the most beautiful that you can do. 

So I had my reason to do only what is the most beautiful that I could, from then on. I didn’t always. Is beauty and art the same thing? 

Now I know that blogs are not a place to put long and complicated texts. So I am going to break my words to small portions. And don’t worry, I’ll accompany everything with pictures. It will be one of these things that you can’t complain about: I wish he had some pictures, so I could read it. 

It may be hard to connect the dots at first, but slowly it will all make sense. This is my favorite way of speaking.

Made of driftwood, an old woodcut, just wood and plenty of glue.