Posts Tagged 'infinite'

222. Who won’t twitch their feet when they are tickled?



Maybe it is strange, but these days nothing is more pleasant to me than sitting quietly somewhere and watching the interface with the quiet space that is always there, seeing how a few moving things in my mind calm down, feeling the body relaxing and staying there.

A person passes in the street on his bicycle and I feel this somewhere in my energy field, as if it happens there. I feel a stirring of a little, very pleasant excitement and then it goes away. I see it as if it is a thought.

The quiet space is alive. If I tune in to it, I know, thoughts like the one that is a person on a bicycle, are moving in it. There are stirrings like this in different depths. They all belong to something infinite that lives its inner life in this way, creating interest and feeling it.

I suddenly understand babies, twitching their feet when they get excited. They experience the stir in the infinite space when their wordless thoughts move. They feel as if it is a tickle. And who won’t twitch their feet when they are tickled?


204.Everything is of the same importance

Lost in infinity

Lost in infinity

This is about looking up, while meditating or imagining. It is a good idea, and a strange thing too, as in an infinite field, where there cannot be any place that is different from another, there is no middle, no side, no up and no down.

So looking up belongs to the relative world. Some time ago I was advised by inner guidance to look to the sides, when I dive into imaginary spaces, instead of looking straight forwards. It was a smart advice. I discovered a whole now experience. And maybe this is the beginning training of me in getting used to infinity. There is indeed so much more in it, and the way we focus in infinity is totally different. We do not hold a narrow view. We have the view of all.

And when I looked up at first in meditation, I discovered again a new world. And this is what I started to depict here.

Of course, it is: bringing the relative perspective into the infinite reality.

In my imagination it looked different at first. It looked like a scene into which you could penetrate deeper and deeper, passing bodies of something on the way, going beyond them, passing other bodies, and so on. Here I have some form in the middle, as if it is a three dimensional form. You may get the feeling that it is a kind of a giant. You are looking from the level of the knees and far ahead there is the head. Then it may even look as if this head is looking down at you. As much as I wanted to lose my earthly perspective, it came through. I could not get rid of it. In a way it endears this perspective to me. Like a child that you, impatiently, want to convince to do something that is more comfortable for you to deal with, but the child stubbornly wants to go at that thing from his perspective. At first you get annoyed, but you end up listening. If he insists so strongly, you think, let me listen carefully, because there is something in it for him, and it is important for him so much that he opposes me. Let me see what it is.

So who is the child in this case?

It is the earthly perspective. The way we experience and interpret the world around us. There is always a point in a specific place in the space that I know, from which the view is taken. There is also the issue of bigger and smaller, and the world will compel you to pay attention to these differences, as they have something to do with your safety. If the giant is your friend, then he’d rather be big and strong. But if he is of an unknown orientation…

When you look at the individual spots, some of them seem to be closer to you, and some are farther. This is due to the color and the surrounding colors. If you look at the area of what would be the chest, the dark blue area seems to be an opening into an unknown depth. The purple seems to come toward us. And the green is deep but not so deep as the dark blue. These differences break the solidity of the form, and I wanted this effect to be in the art, to confuse the usual way of relating to forms and background. I wanted you to know that what you are looking at is not what you thought it was.

The white parts can be seen as objects painted in white, as we do sometimes in our reality, but also as areas that were not touched by the power of the colors. They have not been swayed off balance to be close or far, warm or cold, friendly or hostile. So they remained points of reference, like the test groups in scientific experiments that let you know how things will behave without the influence of the foreign element that you introduce.

So you now start to have the feeling of what this painting is about. It is about being uncertain as for where things are, of the integrity of forms, of background and foreground. You are still with a few of the perceptual habits of an earthling, but your trust in your reality starts to falter.

And it is fascinating indeed. The fascination will take you through the unfamiliar. And it will take you to where everything has the same importance. What comes to mind in this context is the music of Schoenberg indeed. The invention of the twelve-tone music did the same service to music that this artwork does to visual perception. In the traditional structure of a scale there are more important tones and less important ones. The home tone is the most important, and it creates the adventure. We go far from it and feel uncomfortable. We come back and relax. This is the relative world. We, humans gave the importance to some of the places, because this was our perception of reality. Places have relative importance and everything else has relative importance as well. In Schoenberg’s music this relativity is lost. You are placed in an unformed space musically, where it is hard to know where you want to be. You can struggle and try to reach something that will resemble the familiar home, but you can’t really find it. So you get used to having no home. And when your worry subsides, you start to play. You try to put things in different orders. And you know that the orders that you create are temporary and not substantial. But they give you pleasure and activate your curiosity to go on trying other combinations.

So now, do you have a better sense of this artwork?

192. Desire

Yes/no together

Yes/no together

I have been doing a series of drawings about desire. It just came up and I let it be.

Here is one more painting about desire. But desire is becoming more and more beautiful. And here I am starting to know about the way of coming out of addictions, if this is what you want to do. It is through the discovery of the beauty in it. The seeing that it is absolutely beautiful and as good as anything else, so it loses the allure of the rebellion and stays as one possibility out of the infinite number of them.

And then, once it is not a rebellion any more, you choose by your bigger intention or any other consideration, like playfulness, love etc. When your choice starts to be from this love, curiosity, care, playfulness, which are the makeup of who we are, you are OK.

So I am thinking about the people who will look at this drawing/painting, and they may not know on their own that this is about desire. What to do for them?

The first is to say so and they may believe me. Why not?

Then I’d say: Look at how the green and the orange play with each other. They are not completely harmonious or in agreement. There is intensity in each of them but they oppose each other. They push each other away. But they are playing together here, aren’t they?

And this is typical about desire. There is a mixture of wanting and not wanting, a hunger and a chase, a yes/no, yes/no, which fuels the desire. (A yes/no is the energetic source of everything in our world. Maybe I should write about it in the future?) It is a very strange thing indeed, of a suffering and a satisfaction together at the same time. A want more, want more, must have more, which I don’t yet have, which motivates the chase and the pursuit and the activity.

Then look at the ochre, which is a softer version of both the orange and the green. It somehow connects them and softens everything with a sense of being a human being, a friend, a collaborator.

Then look at the brown, which is like the secretive fertile source.

Look at the shapes of the lines all over the painting, which are softly sensual, touching everywhere, almost tickling. And the whole is a like a strange flower that grew by the rules of yes/no on its own from this mud of existence, which is nothing else but the energy of the universe, colored by us as dark, sensual, lack/fulfillment experience.

Has it become clearer?

So, again, I am discovering the infinite richness of what is considered by some as not so good, has to happen but the less the better, etc.

Looking at this and finding that it is nothing but one more of the infinite appearances of the all that is, takes the judgment out from it. With no judgment, you free yourself from the attachment to it, and like everything else it becomes the face of infinity.

177. The bird is infinite

She wants to fly up and up and far

She wants to fly up and up ad far


The bird is infinite


She wants to fly up and up and far

But tears attach her to the sea of sorrow

Her ideas limit her

The rock of pain

Threaten to block her


The sea is wide

The angels watch and cannot interfere

Their heart cries out

Come, come, sweet bird

You can


And what’s the source of power?

It’s in the knowing

That her mind


Her thinking

Moves her


Think flying on

Think delighting in the life on earth

Think love given and received


And if one day

All your ideas will cease

Where will you find yourself?

Sweet bird

Where will you be?


And aren’t you already there

Right now?

166. Reasons


A face is not a face

A face is not a face

A face is not a face

But an infinite number

Of living and changing

Particles of thought

The whole history of mankind

Goes into every one face

And can still be felt

And appreciated

If you look for it

You’ll find that the face

Has never had

Good reasons to be

The way it is

Or bad reasons

Just reasons

All innocent and lost.

142. process with three pictures

The night was torturous.

The pain, which used to be concentrated in one place, spread to bigger areas and to both feet. I don’t know how to describe it so that you will be able to really have a sense of what it is. It is a big experience. Waves after waves of tremendous energy pass through the feet, and hurt as they pass through the hurting places. The hurt is so strong that all my body stiffens, and sometimes, jerky movements happen to the feet and the rest of the body. I clutch with my hands anything that is near them. There is fear of the pain in my stomach and chest, pressure in my throat. There are very few thoughts in my head. I am an old hand. I become the viewer, the spectator of all of these. I let them happen. I gradually calm my reactions and then, sometimes, the pain is reduced. Sometimes I depart from the body and fill the room or the neighborhood. Sometimes I let my imagination take me anywhere it wants to go and I end up in far away places. The pain calls me back and I become the spectator again. Sometimes I force myself to see myself walking in nature, riding my bicycle, swimming, sitting on a hilltop and looking at mountains and rivers.

There is a tremor throughout all the nervous system. If I fall asleep, I wake up after a short while, half an hour or an hour and my whole body shakes strongly from the pain.

I don’t know if this describes my experience well enough. I hope you get some feeling of it. Don’t dwell on it. This is just the beginning. It is going to get better.

This night I did not fall asleep. The pain was too strong and too disturbing. At 2 AM I came to make a drawing, to see what was going on.

And this is the drawing I made.

Darkness strangling the light

Darkness strangling the light

I immediately wrote about it with words that came easily, even though I was so tired and longing to sleep.


All the forces of the dark

And all the possibilities of pain

Come to conquer the light

 If the light dies

There is no conflict

Any more

The story ends

And what is left

Is love



Between 4 and 7 I slept three times, for less than an hour every period.

The last sentence that came to me made a big difference in my mood. Or maybe it was a small difference. How can you know?

There are people and guides who advise to acknowledge the pain, to say thank you for its service, as it has pushed me really hard to the life of dedication to being connected with the eternity that I am.

Some guides spoke about how lucky I was to have had something that not just prodded me but really pushed me so hard. Then, after acknowledging, the guides say, move yourself into the condition that you choose. You do this with the imagination, and you make sure that you stay in the feeling of being in such a state, experiencing it as thoroughly as you can. This is the two pronged approach that I actually like.

But I know of another one too, which is more natural. It says: Just see what is going on in the subconscious and let it go. In its place, a better state will arise. This series of drawings and writings presents this second way.

So in the morning, after the usual morning activities, I do a second drawing. There have been many times, in which I did the drawings soon after one another. This time I felt that every drawing gave me some fulfillment and I needed some time to let it do its work in my subconscious, before I started the next drawing. When it felt right I did the next one. Here it is. My question was again: What is going on in my subconscious now?


Running right, looking left

Running righ, looking left


And this is the text that came spontaneously when the drawing was done.


I feel I am running in two directions

I want to know

That I’m okay already

And do not have to run


I am running very fast

And look back as I run

I hesitate

I’d like to calm down

And run nowhere


Everybody is running

I feel I should be running too

But I stopped to ask

What are we escaping?

Maybe I do not have to run?

Maybe I can stay here?

What difference does it make

To an infinite being?


You can see that the mood is totally different. There is movement, hesitation and the dawning of a deeper experience.


I did a few scheduled things and after about an hour I drew again, with the same question.


The baby with the seeds of creation

The baby with the seeds of creation 

And wrote again.


The child of wonder

With seeds of all kinds

Is being loved beyond measure

By the guides

Is supported all the time

And all is just 

The way it should be.


This ended the process this time. It helped change my mood in a big way. Feeling being loved always makes a big difference. These are my experiences these days. They are available to you too, of course in your own unique ways.


And just to make sure that you know: In the words for the first drawing I mentioned dark forces. Just know: There are no bad forces in the universe, unless you make them in your imagination. You really don’t have to make them. Believe me. Release all your inventions and you’ll find that the universe infinitely loves.

133. The beauty of it all


Where am I?

Where am I?

When you are in a conflict

Between doing this or that

In your view

The light is outside of you

But the truth is that the light

Is in you

You are the light

And the conflict

Is a beautiful thing

Happening inside of you.


The mistake that we make

Is identifying with things

And not with what they appear in

What sees them

And what plays with them.


So when you start identifying

With the true you

The infinite

It is not important any more

Which side is right

And which one is wrong

What becomes significant

Is the beauty of it all

And the ability to change it

At will.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.