Posts Tagged 'dark'

284. Narrow and wide points of view

fear first

Fear.

This is the subject of this painting.

You can see that it is dark. The lines quiver and are afraid to move. Trying to come together and collaborate, they can’t. Fear is like a cloud that covers the open sky of possibilities and free choice. No, you can’t do this, fear says, and you get constricted. You don’t see farther than your immediate confrontation with the thing that frightens you. It seems there is no way to avoid or escape it. It is hard to see anything anyway. This is a very narrow point of view.

Naturally, the relief from fear happens when somehow you manage to open the sky of more possibilities again. How about infinite possibilities?

Within our system of who we are, there is the open sky viewpoint, already a part of us that never leaves. All we have to do is enter the state in which we can experiece this openness. Making art is one of the best ways. (Meditating, Dancing, singing, remembering what you are thankful for, these are some of the other ways.)

So imagine: Something triggered your fear. Perhaps you started to uproot a belief that you had held for a long time, and used to think that it was very important for your safety. Now you start to see how this belief stops you from flourishing and you want to change the situation. The subconscious refuses to change, and suddenly you are afraid. It is as if you think very quickly: What am I doing? I am taking away my protection! A dark cloud covers your open view. There is nobody there to help and it is you against your fear. What to do?

Draw or paint the fear, if you like drawing or painting. Where do you feel the fear? How does it feel? How can you describe in visual effects the way you feel? Ask your intuition to paint for you. Be the hands and eyes of intuition. Whatever ideas come, do them. After all it is just a drawing.

As you paint, you pay attention to how you feel. And you can detect where in the painting your description is true to your experience and where it is not exact enough. So you correct yourself to make a good description, as only you, looking from inside of yourself can know.

From being totally engaged in a confrontation and a fight for life, you change your state to being curious, playing with effects that you invent as you go, and trying out expressions. You pay attention to what feels true and not. Inevitably you start feeling good as there is joy in following your intuition. You start paying attention to the composition, which indeed is a wider view of everything, and without any effort, you are already in a deeper state, a calmer state, a wiser state, a loving state.

Fear cannot stay in such an environment. Fear is the vibration of being cornered by danger. It cannot keep its strength inside of a loving, playful, and curious environment.

And while you are still in this loving state, which is your true nature, ask yourself: What do I really want to do now? What does my true nature want to do?

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142. process with three pictures

The night was torturous.

The pain, which used to be concentrated in one place, spread to bigger areas and to both feet. I don’t know how to describe it so that you will be able to really have a sense of what it is. It is a big experience. Waves after waves of tremendous energy pass through the feet, and hurt as they pass through the hurting places. The hurt is so strong that all my body stiffens, and sometimes, jerky movements happen to the feet and the rest of the body. I clutch with my hands anything that is near them. There is fear of the pain in my stomach and chest, pressure in my throat. There are very few thoughts in my head. I am an old hand. I become the viewer, the spectator of all of these. I let them happen. I gradually calm my reactions and then, sometimes, the pain is reduced. Sometimes I depart from the body and fill the room or the neighborhood. Sometimes I let my imagination take me anywhere it wants to go and I end up in far away places. The pain calls me back and I become the spectator again. Sometimes I force myself to see myself walking in nature, riding my bicycle, swimming, sitting on a hilltop and looking at mountains and rivers.

There is a tremor throughout all the nervous system. If I fall asleep, I wake up after a short while, half an hour or an hour and my whole body shakes strongly from the pain.

I don’t know if this describes my experience well enough. I hope you get some feeling of it. Don’t dwell on it. This is just the beginning. It is going to get better.

This night I did not fall asleep. The pain was too strong and too disturbing. At 2 AM I came to make a drawing, to see what was going on.

And this is the drawing I made.

Darkness strangling the light

Darkness strangling the light

I immediately wrote about it with words that came easily, even though I was so tired and longing to sleep.

 

All the forces of the dark

And all the possibilities of pain

Come to conquer the light

 If the light dies

There is no conflict

Any more

The story ends

And what is left

Is love

Everywhere.

 

Between 4 and 7 I slept three times, for less than an hour every period.

The last sentence that came to me made a big difference in my mood. Or maybe it was a small difference. How can you know?

There are people and guides who advise to acknowledge the pain, to say thank you for its service, as it has pushed me really hard to the life of dedication to being connected with the eternity that I am.

Some guides spoke about how lucky I was to have had something that not just prodded me but really pushed me so hard. Then, after acknowledging, the guides say, move yourself into the condition that you choose. You do this with the imagination, and you make sure that you stay in the feeling of being in such a state, experiencing it as thoroughly as you can. This is the two pronged approach that I actually like.

But I know of another one too, which is more natural. It says: Just see what is going on in the subconscious and let it go. In its place, a better state will arise. This series of drawings and writings presents this second way.

So in the morning, after the usual morning activities, I do a second drawing. There have been many times, in which I did the drawings soon after one another. This time I felt that every drawing gave me some fulfillment and I needed some time to let it do its work in my subconscious, before I started the next drawing. When it felt right I did the next one. Here it is. My question was again: What is going on in my subconscious now?

 

Running right, looking left

Running righ, looking left

 

And this is the text that came spontaneously when the drawing was done.

 

I feel I am running in two directions

I want to know

That I’m okay already

And do not have to run

Anywhere

I am running very fast

And look back as I run

I hesitate

I’d like to calm down

And run nowhere

Anymore

Everybody is running

I feel I should be running too

But I stopped to ask

What are we escaping?

Maybe I do not have to run?

Maybe I can stay here?

What difference does it make

To an infinite being?

 

You can see that the mood is totally different. There is movement, hesitation and the dawning of a deeper experience.

 

I did a few scheduled things and after about an hour I drew again, with the same question.

 

The baby with the seeds of creation

The baby with the seeds of creation 

And wrote again.

 

The child of wonder

With seeds of all kinds

Is being loved beyond measure

By the guides

Is supported all the time

And all is just 

The way it should be.

 

This ended the process this time. It helped change my mood in a big way. Feeling being loved always makes a big difference. These are my experiences these days. They are available to you too, of course in your own unique ways.

 

And just to make sure that you know: In the words for the first drawing I mentioned dark forces. Just know: There are no bad forces in the universe, unless you make them in your imagination. You really don’t have to make them. Believe me. Release all your inventions and you’ll find that the universe infinitely loves.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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