Posts Tagged 'free'



144. How can I resist?

Baby of ideas

Baby of ideas

He is

Playful

Funny

And shimmering

He is 

An angel

A light being

The baby of ideas

Always free

You called me

He says

Do you want to play

Together?

He is loving like a child

How can I resist?

 

 

122. A soft dark secret

 

A late night drawing:

Soft dark secret

Soft dark secret

The morning words:

If you have

A soft dark secret

That’s how high you can get

Before it starts

Bleeding

Then you start

Coming close together

Out of fear

And even though

We provide a sky for you

You feel that it is limited

And pressured

And of course you hear a whisper

In the ear, saying

Dark secret…

Dark secret…

 

The words after the words:

All that comes after these words is an illusion of course.

The bleeding is a way for the energy to go.

It can only go down because the person feels that it is impossible to go up (the pressured sky). There is also the violet barrier at the top.

The left side wants to escape in another direction but is encumbered by the secret.

The fact that the same color is used for the dark secret and the barrier at the top means that the barrier is about the secret. It says: If this is what you did you don’t deserve to go higher than this.

I know I have to release this. But again, as it happened in the past, even though this is what I think, I do not feel like doing the release process. I have a feeling there is another way.

This was an illusion that I created and now I play suffering from it.

When people speak and do and the speaking and doing do not match, I believe in what they do.

When I think and feel and the thinking and feeling do not match, I believe in what I feel.

I speak with Int.

1. I want to be free.

2. How? What to do now?

And I do another drawing.

Shine

Shine

And the words come:

Let your pain and suffering

Come out as light

It is life on earth

It is part of being here

Open the storehouse

Of light

And shine

At first it will come out

With stones

And broken teeth

But then

Only light will flow.

This is the way.

 

And I said: OK.

108. OK my friends

Little Buddha, ready for bath

Little Buddha, ready for bath

OK, my friends. I know it is strange. I started this blog a year ago, promising to show you how I heal my body from a terrible nerve pain, resulting from a certain neuropathy, a condition that modern medicine does not know how to heal.

I went from number one to number fifty-eight and before the pain was healed, stopped the process, saying that this part finished itself and I had to agree with it.

Then I started investigating if it was possible to become free by doing this method. I found after a short time that there is nothing to do in order to be free, and the whole notion of doing something for this purpose is ridiculous. All you have to do is find out that this is true. It does take some doing though, mainly in the area of changing subconscious beliefs or releasing them. Releasing them is the best way. It starts as a doing and ends up doing itself.

I stopped for some time and then came back to add entries to what I now called Blog 3. I just loved the process too much. Today I have 107 entries, 108 with this one. It seems to not be going anywhere. I still have the pain. I have not become free. And everything I say is not true. How can anybody be not free? How can a thing like pain exist at all? I know I am not speaking clearly and I’d rather not speak at all. Then what am I doing with these words?

Why am I doing this, not going anywhere?

In about 1998 I wrote a story, coming back from a winter retreat with pneumonia, about a man who lost his insides, became different and could not decide what to do with his life, as it was not any more the way he knew it beforehand. He still wanted to put everything back in himself. But it did not work and he remained between full and empty. A few years later I studied art therapy and met with prisoners and crazy people who knew about life more than their doctors. Then I showed a nine years old boy, who chewed all his wooden furniture, and was taken to a mental hospital, how to feel the energy of anger. In 2004 I spent four years making intuitive art with teenagers who did not agree to be what their society wanted them to be. I supported it. And in 2011 I started this blog.

There is a book that I read about ten years ago. It is in Hebrew. It is called Tokyo Back and Forth, by Yaacov Raz. He was a Zen student in Japan and now I don’t know what he is. Or maybe I know and do not tell. When I read it then, I laughed all the time. I started to read it again today and I cry all the time. Not because I am sad, but because I feel like being home.

This blog is telling a story. I don’t know where the story goes and what will be in the end. I’ll let the story make itself, because it is the most loving and joyful thing that I can do with it.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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