Posts Tagged 'heal'

233. How the “I” moves to a wider view

P1000263

Being tired and in pain I became sad. Pain is a simple thing but living with it creates additional problems. Now all of them weighed on me. I thought: I can’t go on like this any more. I did not even paint yesterday and today.

My friend from Germany called. We started to talk and the phone line went dead.

I pulled a new piece of paper onto the table, dipped the brush into the water and into the first paint that my eyes saw in the watercolor box. It was olive green. This is how I choose the first color.

And then there was the drawing. No time. No pain. Brush, water, paint and the composition, the story with no words. The energy of the truth. Everything is good.

The olive green lines and the white of the paper are the best of friends. It is a holy connection. The lines, strikingly, appearing out of the white. The white does not have inside and outside. It is everywhere. It is all-there-is-everywhere. Even the word everywhere does not fit here. Is the green line real? And my eyes that see it: are they real? And my heart that has just become so full and so delighted, what about it?

(The other colors came later.)

 

Now in a different way:

Pain is part of the illusion of life, together with the body, with time, with good and bad.

The true self cannot have pain. Its essence is joy. Its essence is love and playing and being curious. The true self cannot be affected by the illusion.

For the “I” in the illusion pain is real and hard.

The good thing is that everything is connected. All I need to do is to change the way I focus and switch my identity to the true I.

Instead of focusing on the pain and automatically trying to escape it, to fight it, to prevent it, to change it, Instead of these, I find my curiosity and make the olive green lines. I find my playfulness and play with everything that shows itself. I look for the beauty in everything and find it easily. I look for my joy and it is right there. I am joyful. I look for my love and indeed what else do I have? This is how I start to identify with the true self.

And as I do this, I find that I have forgotten the pain. I don’t even feel it. Or if I do, it is not significant. I am in peace. The vibrations of the pain, the waves that streamed through the legs calm down. My hands that clutched one foot fall down, relaxed. The body rests. The energy of creation flows flawlessly everywhere it has to go. The body heals. The specific thinking processes that hold on to the body and its suffering become weaker. I am not so dependent on the body and the world around it. I witness them and I am free. In my mind I am already walking down to town, where the galleries are. I am going to see an exhibition. Right foot, left foot and I dance.

 

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181. It is not that far

I said to my bigger aspect: Heal my feet now. Show me how healthy feet feel. Here it is:

Be one

Be one

 Walk outside

Mix and be one with the sky

Breath the same air that the tree breathes

Let fields, mountains and clouds

Feed your imagination

Learn their language and speak it fluently

It is not that far

From the language of the eternal.

108. OK my friends

Little Buddha, ready for bath

Little Buddha, ready for bath

OK, my friends. I know it is strange. I started this blog a year ago, promising to show you how I heal my body from a terrible nerve pain, resulting from a certain neuropathy, a condition that modern medicine does not know how to heal.

I went from number one to number fifty-eight and before the pain was healed, stopped the process, saying that this part finished itself and I had to agree with it.

Then I started investigating if it was possible to become free by doing this method. I found after a short time that there is nothing to do in order to be free, and the whole notion of doing something for this purpose is ridiculous. All you have to do is find out that this is true. It does take some doing though, mainly in the area of changing subconscious beliefs or releasing them. Releasing them is the best way. It starts as a doing and ends up doing itself.

I stopped for some time and then came back to add entries to what I now called Blog 3. I just loved the process too much. Today I have 107 entries, 108 with this one. It seems to not be going anywhere. I still have the pain. I have not become free. And everything I say is not true. How can anybody be not free? How can a thing like pain exist at all? I know I am not speaking clearly and I’d rather not speak at all. Then what am I doing with these words?

Why am I doing this, not going anywhere?

In about 1998 I wrote a story, coming back from a winter retreat with pneumonia, about a man who lost his insides, became different and could not decide what to do with his life, as it was not any more the way he knew it beforehand. He still wanted to put everything back in himself. But it did not work and he remained between full and empty. A few years later I studied art therapy and met with prisoners and crazy people who knew about life more than their doctors. Then I showed a nine years old boy, who chewed all his wooden furniture, and was taken to a mental hospital, how to feel the energy of anger. In 2004 I spent four years making intuitive art with teenagers who did not agree to be what their society wanted them to be. I supported it. And in 2011 I started this blog.

There is a book that I read about ten years ago. It is in Hebrew. It is called Tokyo Back and Forth, by Yaacov Raz. He was a Zen student in Japan and now I don’t know what he is. Or maybe I know and do not tell. When I read it then, I laughed all the time. I started to read it again today and I cry all the time. Not because I am sad, but because I feel like being home.

This blog is telling a story. I don’t know where the story goes and what will be in the end. I’ll let the story make itself, because it is the most loving and joyful thing that I can do with it.

98. When the head finally falls

I am going through a strange time.

On one hand the ability to feel in my feet grows more and more every day. I start having longer periods without pain. It is going to happen. I have brought my psyche to a state that allows my body to heal from Neuropathy and neuropathic pain. I allowed intuition to show me what was blocking my healing ability and it took me to places I would not have been able to go to without the art process and its reading. I accepted the strangest ideas that showed up and allowed them to become loose and leave me, opening the space for better inner experiences.

On the other hand I am going through a seesaw of good mood and sad mood, up and down. And the events in my life go along with these moods.

One day I have a new client calling. The next day they cancel. One week I have more income than I had in a long time. In the next week two or three clients cannot come for one reason or another. I am still in some kind of a struggle, even though I see the futility of it. I know there is no need for struggle. It is my habitual patterned subconscious mind, with the game that I came here to earth to play, not wanting to let go of its mission.

There are two ways to come out of it. The first is to imagine living in better states and be so convincing to the subconscious that it takes on new thoughts and beliefs, instead of the old ones, which have created my life now. This can happen, and happens in the best way for me through the drawing process. It happens so well because I allow my intuition to guide me to what I want to live, instead of what I have lived. My intuition shows me what is best for me. And I love to be in touch with it.

The other way is to peel off the mask from what we call reality, to see that it is not real, that it is being created by yours truly all the time as some kind of a crazy game, in which I, the endless I, enjoy all the emotional calamities, as if they were the best delicacies in the world. This too happens in the best way for me through the drawing process, through which I let go of more and more mind-stones, and clear the way, quite easily, for intuition to stream lovingly through. This is the tearing down of the mask from the face of reality.

So the same process does these two things.

I have written about this before, and have gone through this process successfully many times, and I still have to do it.

Here is today’s craziness report.

Image

The body is like a mountain

In the early morning

When it is cold

The head is like a heavy rock

That can fall

Any minute

The palm trees are like thorns

In the end of summer

Dry and stiff

There will be a lot of noise

When the head

Finally falls.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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