Posts Tagged 'sky'

274. Feeling good is the main thing anyway

This is a very long one, to compensate for the long time between entries.

Yesterday (I wrote this on 9/7/2017) I started a big series, as I figured it would be, of little drawings, quick, spontaneous, intuitive, as connections, asking and getting answers, discovering subconscious conflicts and fears and releasing them, using whatever will work best, and not leaving the process until I am without fear.

This drawing was the first.

Busy but open

I won’t describe the process. I can say it was directed from my better place. I was determined to go back to not planning, even in the most free and general terms. I wanted there to only be what comes intuitively. No preparing an area to be painted and then painting it, as I did a lot lately.

I took verbal notice of things in the art that I saw. Just flew through the painting and wrote the words that came to me as I was looking at different parts or groups of parts. It is quite easy to figure out the parts that the lines of words came from. You will see.

Then I scrambled all the sentences, as in the old days, added words and sentences to make it work as a piece that makes sense verbally, added two lines in the end, and turned the first line into the name of the piece.

As these additional words came to me, to explain meanings and connect the parts, the arranging mechanism of my mind started to form meanings.

When we are in a deep good place we usually don’t look for meanings. But sometimes, new knowledge appears for us. We suddenly know something about how things are, that we did not know before. Here it is different. I flowed with the verbal investigation to where my heart took me by the hand, so to speak. The heart wants to take the mind with it, if you have the tendency to do it.

Now, before I started drawing, I asked all my acquaintances from the nonphysical to help me find where I am, and how to proceed. I felt quite lost, did not know what to do with this mock life that I created, in the world that I created. Everything has lost its allure for me, from the knowing that it is not the real. I wanted to know the real. And I also lamented the loss of what seemed to be a beautiful life, imperfect indeed, but meaningful, depending indeed on the world and I being somewhat real.

I knew that there is a more real me, more beautiful, and it is what comes from a deeper perspective. I knew that this life, with everything in it is an illusion, but still I felt there were people who could use help in finding their truth, in finding their way to be happier. This idealism was lost, as I understood that all that appears to me is invited by me, in search of knowing myself in a deeper way, or it may be in search of anything that I chose to invite and investigate.

Anyway, this meaningfulness was gone.

So everything I had an idea about starting to do, I immediately had the idea of stopping, as it made no sense to do anything.

It did not feel good to be like this. There were things that my life could be better with, practically speaking and I could busy myself with them. But this is not all.

I lived with meaning all my life. I thought that it was possible and necessary to have meaning if I wanted to be content. I wanted to find my way into it again. This was a habitual thinking indeed.

There is the teaching of the truth that I felt I wanted to do. But I saw myself at that moment unfit, as I have not lived in the knowing of it all the time. I still experienced fear, freezing fear.

So I asked all of them to help. Come through the drawing, I asked, and let me know where I am, and what to do next.

So here is what came in the words and sentences at first.

# Landscape view

# Unexpected turns

# Trees fly up slowly

# Blue stars like precious stones

# Energy jumps all around

# Arranging

# There is something in the next area, sending thin feelers in to where we are

# It is busy here but a lot of sky is open.

Now I scrambled all the words and sentences in my favorite way and wrote it all in the new order, with a few additions that came to me in the process, to connect some parts logically and to give meaning.

The meaning, in a strange way, is a choice, as I am the one who invites this meaning. But it is also what is received through the connection (with the non-physical). This whole process is a connection. And you can have a sense of the absurd. It looks very compellingly that something happens, but really nothing happens. I think I’ll need to talk about this some other time.

Here is the final arrangement:

ARRANGING

It is busy here

But a lot of sky

Is open

The trees fly up slowly

To discover the landscape view

With many unexpected turns

There is something in the next area

Sending thin feelers in

To where we are

What is it that they are looking for?

Is it the blue stars

That are

Like precious stones?

Yellow energy, faster than everything here,

Jumps all around

To define something new

That we do not know yet.

Now I took small portions of the writing that seemed to have one specific meaning in them that had to do with me and my life, and wrote this meaning, as it came to me. I still did not know what would show up. It was just intuition after intuition and more intuition. Intuition is not thinking, so we don’t have meaning yet.

I know that philosophy deals with intuition in its ways. But this is not the intuition that I write about here, as far as I know. I’ll have to write about this too in another entry.

Here are these specific meanings:

Busy with open sky– My mind. The forces of habits moving. Awareness sees a lot of space.

The trees that fly up slowly– Like me, venturing into the bigger me.

The landscape view with the unexpected turns– Change, when you look down from above, is waiting to happen.

Something with feelers– My friends in the nonphysical, always expecting preparedness, illuminating me with knowledge, when I ask for it.

Blue stars, like precious stones– Memories of the truth, spots of love and openness, connection moments.

The yellow energy, getting ready. It is the energy that does the ’how’, when I choose the ‘what’.

Definition of something new that we do not know yet– Everyone and everything getting ready for the change.

So I see, as I’ve seen several times before, that every time I turn to my friends in the nonphysical, or even just ask intuition, or just ask nobody in particular, the first answer I get is that things are so much better than I think.

That it will be okay if I take care of feeling good. They did not say this but I know they would have said, had there been a need for it.

Feeling good is the main thing anyway.

 

Maybe this is a stranger entry than the usual? Please comment and I’ll answer to the best of my ability.

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191. Dont worry, go with the energy

This is who we are

This is who we are

I am moved

Because it is beautiful for me

Meaning, Something from home

Love coming through

There is an external story

Of shapes doing

Like, maybe, a tree grows on a rock

Maybe it is turning into a monster

Doing strange things

But inside

In a one two three rhythm

We go from total darkness

To the blue sky

Or a lake

It is ancient

It has always been here

And we have been looking

The outside has muscles

The inside is a whispering light

Of love

This is how we are

And this is how everything comes to us

To see the dark of night

And the blue of the sky

This is how we are.

 

 

Author’s note:

 

Words float on energy

Like colorful mosaic stones

On the concrete

Of a wall

The wall holds everything

The concrete flows from floor to ceiling

The stones don’t have to hold the wall

That’s the way I write

Spontaneously

The words

Float in energy

The energy connects all

The words don’t have

To do the same job

That’s why

My text is skipping

Don’t worry

Go with the energy.

186. Two paintings

I did so many paintings from the time I wrote about one. I’ll do a summary of two, as I look at them now.

Here is a painting that I called: Birds and Water.

Birds and water

Birds and water

It was done in a daydreaming state, imagining a place I’d like to experience. There are parts of birds in light brown, some green lines and areas, and what looks like a little waterfall and part of a river. The colored areas served, for me, to indicate different colors of the birds in this forest. The whole painting did itself and I was watching as it happened and had my thoughts like the thoughts of a watcher.

This morning, after having my regular call with my friend, I thought: I have a whole day ahead of me without sessions and without calls, And I feel quite good, after having slept a little more than the usual these days. What shall I do with this day?

And now the pain has come and grabbed my left foot quite strongly. It is hard to use both hands now, as the left hand wants to go down to hold the left foot and help alleviate the pain a little. Also, how can you even think? Some crazy creature is tearing at your clothes, pulling your attention, wanting you to do something about its experience of being tortured. This dream of being in a place of birds and water has nothing to do with this. The joy of delicately playing with the stuff of my life through the use of words, feeling the subtle trickle of their energy through my being, all of this is called to run for a shelter now. The bombs are coming down. The siren goes up and down in your head already. I asked what to do with my time today? This is going to take care of it.

Another painting, done in the middle of the night, got this name from me: Night in the Middle of the City. I was very patient when I did this.

The lake of the night

The lake of the night

It looks like a dream place too. A city that is so thin that if you only scratch a little, a hole is bored in the fabric of what seems to be so solid, and the sky, the deep and beautiful sky, is right there. We float in it, creating our cities and lives. We can create them as what we would love to live in.

The phone rings. It is from someone in Washington. Are you Gloria Carmen? Almost, I say. We are going to connect you to Charles Schumer’s office and we want you to tell them that you oppose the big oil companies as they try to rip the system off. OK, I say, connect me. I have something here that rips my system too. Schumer can’t help me with this, I’m sure. There is nobody to enlist since I am in charge. This is the world that I create for my experiences. I made some choices that do not work for me now and I can change them. Maybe I can change the oil companies too. Don’t they want to live where the birds and the water are? Don’t they see how thin is the reality that they fight about?

181. It is not that far

I said to my bigger aspect: Heal my feet now. Show me how healthy feet feel. Here it is:

Be one

Be one

 Walk outside

Mix and be one with the sky

Breath the same air that the tree breathes

Let fields, mountains and clouds

Feed your imagination

Learn their language and speak it fluently

It is not that far

From the language of the eternal.

152. The shadow

Flying in her/his dream

Flying in her/his dream

He/She

Is flying in

Her/his

Dream

The pillow

Is a man that he/she forgot

A man of peace

And of all ages

The darkness of the sky

Is like a guard

Who says “No” with one finger

The body

Is the secret

 

In this world

There is always a horizon

And when you are flying in the air

Your shadow cuts itself

On the rocks.

103. Yesterday and today (Straight talk)

Yesterday

Three bodies in the sky

Three bodies in the sky

 Deep under the surface

Are talking rocks

Telling stories

And elbowing each other.

In the sky

Three main bodies float

One is the way some parts of the whole

Stick together

Awaiting resolution

Another is the collection of cans and can’ts

The third is an angel

Who promises that the legs are good.

In the vast landscape

The rocks, the fields

And the hazy horizon

Consider everything they see

As the higher sky above it all

Smiles.

Today

Like teeth i an x-ray

Like teeth in an x-ray

Like teeth in an x-ray

With the roots that they send

Into the jaw

Like bubbles of air

Caught in pockets

Like doctors in white gowns

Or maybe angels

Arranging everything in the best way

With love and laughter

Like warmth

Like kindness

Like the way it has to be

And it is.

Like countries with wars and complications

And borders everywhere

Like lakes and yellow sands

And the big sea

Marred

But still blue

And deep.

Like maps

For the shapes of clothing

That will move in the air

While being held by our bodies

Walking on this earth

Talking with each other

Knowing that nothing has ever moved

But the mind.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.