Posts Tagged 'mood'

298. Sliding story

FullSizeRender 3 (2)

They are dancing and I want to dance too. You see, it is about being together, loving and loved. Somehow this protects you from sliding into the fire.

But I am isolated. My skin is screaming. My mood rolls into itself and as a stone on the road it lets the little monsters play on its top.

This is all okay indeed. It’s just a story among the multitudes, except for the light inside, the light who does not care about a thing, and the light who cares about everything.

“They” are the brown and the ochre

“I” am the blue line with yellow inside

“Sliding”: Everything slides, the whole story. All the characters are in the same story and they all are about to fall. The light of the fire is already seen on the edges of things. It is also a part of the story.

“My mood”: the purple

“The little monsters”: Fear ideas

“The light inside”: You know what it is. It is the only thing that you cannot invent.

The truth is inside out.

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208. i and I

I have not written for the blog for a long time. The reason is that I constantly change. In a strange way I do not know who I am, because every time I look to see, it is someone else. Is this an exaggeration? Yes. The changes are small but enough to bewilder me. I am happy to discover something new and before I have enough time to celebrate my discovery, the next insight comes in. What do I do for this to happen? I keep improving my mood. This is all I do. Improving the mood is like going higher on the mountain of vibrations and knowing. From a slightly higher point you see more of the landscape. Knowing is not a function of learning but of going to a higher vibration, from which more is known.

We are a mystery, aren’t we? Science is admired in our society as the discipline that will bring solutions to all of our problems. Science is way ahead of what the general pubic knows, but far behind what people with access to the depth of who we are know. This is the kind of knowledge that we all need now. The solutions to our problems will come through love, joy, and more playfulness.

The true thing is playing

i and I

Flying with ease.

Undecided about what it is,

It collects some unnecessary shapes.

It is funny in this way.

But what is beautiful is that the true essence is in it too:

The innocence, the playfulness of a child, the ease of smiling,

the subtle knowing.

It is i and I together.

Or is it you and YOU?

199. The painting of the pain

Make believe pain

Make believe pain

The pain was strong and unrelenting. I decided to paint it.

In the stage in which it was a drawing only, it expressed the craziness and strength of the pain quite effectively. When I added the colors the effect became somewhat weaker. The power of lines to affect the areas that they point at, was hindered by the viscosity of the colors and also by the effect of the colors. A body of color has an effect of its own and when you place different areas of color next to each other they influence each other and create yet another effect. All these added effects weaken, relatively, the effect that the lines had when they did not compete with the colors. Nevertheless, you can still see the craziness of the pain, the way it spreads in all contradicting directions. This contradiction creates a feeling of struggle and chaos. The chosen colors also cry out from the page. They radiate energy that refuses to settle. This adds to the expression of the power of the pain and the chaos. When you hold this picture in your hands you want to drop it or put it quickly in a box and cover it with a black cloth, to stop that radiation and protruding thorns.

Well, this is how I feel when the pain is so strong and persistent. And since I do not have any way to smother it, as I would have liked to do, I have to come to terms with it. And the most important part of coming to terms is to learn that my mood is not dependent on how my body feels. I can have this pain and still be in a good mood. I can even feel thankfulness to the pain for giving me the opportunity to learn that this is possible.

You may notice that the painting has this air about it of having been done for children. As if fear, danger and threat have been depicted here for a children’s book. Do you get this feeling?

This is due to this distance that I took from the pain, allowing it to be, and taking care of my mood separately. It is still very impressive in its effect, but its power to make me fear is reduced to a make believe fear. It is like a monster in a puppet theater. Even if death will result, it will be a make believe death.

There are two places where the colors that were used are dark and contrast strongly with their immediate environment. One is in the blue that is darker than all the other areas of color and contrasts strongly with the red lines that are touching it. It could have been an opening to the sky and a window to escape through, but the restlessness of the texture is pretty deterring and the strong red lines all around it make it feel dangerous to pass through. So there is no escape.

The other place is in the lower left corner, where the dark violet made the lines stand out so clearly that their drawing character is emphasized. The feeling that these lines give is more like wanting, longing, needing and complaining. Maybe the pain asks for attention, as love was not given at some point to something that wanted to be accepted and loved?

185. Two good friends in the tree house

Two good friends in the tree house

Two good friends in the tree house

This is a painting from two days ago. I did not write about all of the art that I made. Many times there is a painting to write about but I want to paint more, so a gap forms. I wanted to clear everything or actually to accept everything. So does it mean that I have to write about every painting that I do and never skip?

There are things to be gained. But the rule should be, that’s what I think: To do what feels good.

So there are no rules except for this.

I came back from the bathroom, which was a struggle with pain. I sit here, think a few thoughts and almost fall asleep. Pain and tiredness are in my experience today. Is it going to be another day of not being able to do anything of consequence? How can you think and feel good enough to want to do things at all when in such a pain all day long and so tired all the time? I just want to sleep. Desperately I want to sleep and I can’t.

I saw a few funny videos, I spoke with my deeper aspect, and I have a better mood now.

So it is all about the mood.

The feet feel as if it is the last frontier now. Everything is raw and hurting. It is all coming back to life. I am getting younger. I go back in age.

What do I see in this painting?

To me these are two friends (I and my deeper aspect) in the tree house, my imaginary tree house, looking at the beautiful water bodies, mountains and forests. There is a strong sense of friendship and a serene, good time. This is where decisions are made about what I want to do next, and what I want to experience. This is what it is for me. I knew this when I painted. I used acrylic gouache mixed with transparent gesso to create the color areas that show brush marks. I mixed the colors carefully and liked the process. This way of painting works well with the watercolors, when I paint on canvas.

After I made this painting I felt good for quite a while, maybe half a day. I kept coming back to it to feel the friendship again.

I’ll leave this at that


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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