Posts Tagged 'resistance'

168. Questions and a new beginning

Somehow I lost the drive to read art. I mean to read my art. I still read others’. I feel resistance to reading mine. Maybe the reason is that I think: Well, what is the point? It does not mean much, since I am not attached to it. There is no reason why I’ll let this past thing interfere with what I want to do now. So why bother reading it? It looks beautiful anyway. Looked at from a deeper state, all the complications look beautiful, and this is enough to see.

Where does the beauty come from?

So what can I do with these artworks?

How can I continue my blog? After I stopped being interested in the contents of my past, it has become hard to add anything to the blog.

I had some very good, high feelings, that I described, and some less good feelings, but now, what am I to do with this blog?

Maybe this is the place to go up and up in vibrations?  So this is a new beginning.

Life as a process

Life as a process

Let’s look at this last drawing now.

There are warm colors at the bottom and they gradually turn colder until it is blue, transparent and very soft. I think that the texture, in spite of the coldness of the color itself, gives some warmth, related to the sensitivity that is expressed. So it is coldness described very sensitively. Maybe aloofness? So you become very interested, being a sensitive person that you are.

There is a feeling that something is growing in the drawing. There is a wider base shape, almost like the leaves of a plant close to the earth. From this comes a stem and another stem in orange and from them some flower, leaf, or a canopy, develop. All these happen in the warmer area. Then of course, if you think of it as a plant or a flower, then you have to have the sky somewhere behind and above. But the sky is not just a flat color. Something is alive there. Shapes come out of shapes, right side and left side parts, describing something that is not so clear realistically. What is it?

A dream?  Sleeping? Something in a sleeping bag? Clouds? A letter? and what letter is it? Yes, it is the G from my own name. I did not notice this when I made the drawing. Planning.. sleeping.. this is connected to that.. life.

A plant is growing, still with the original thought of: Be a plant, be intense or mild. The intense side remains undeveloped. It sends feelers to the left side, the milder, so see what is life like on that side. Of course, here you have the fear of opening up and being yourself completely, checking yourself against another. Then, many thought patterns develop and they will create this plant’s future, its new adventure, its expansion or its remaining limited and constrained.

Is there a separation between the physical and the mental? Between the simple program to grow (It is not simple really but not complicated by thoughts of and the complicated thought patters, to do this and that etc? Yes and no. How about this answer? You can see that this part is warm and that is cold. But where they touch, they melt into each other. The physical and the imagined melt into each other. They are connected, and there is a feeling of lingering there, where they touch. Is it attachment? I mean attachment from the Buddhist perspective, as of assigning importance to something and therefore holding on to something that otherwise would have just gone on and change into something else.

This melting into each other is true also for every step before this thinking occurs. The leaf melts into the stem. The stem melts into the flowering and the flowering melts into the imagination. What kind of being is that? Who is this? What a magical creature that is a process?

And the whole scene has a magical feel to it. Things happen in the dream world, softly, silently. Are they real? Who is telling the story here? Is it the stem? The canopy? Me? You? Who are you anyway? Are you evolving from my dream? Am I nothing else but your imagination process?

I am leaving you with many questions. Who needs an answer, when you have questions like these? It all keeps being created, flowing toward what seems to be up in this case. Maybe nothing really moves? Maybe it is all a thought in endlessness, which has never changed

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163. A cloud of resistance

I feel as if there is a cloud in my head. I don’t feel like doing anything. I am not pulled by anything. I feel tired. My eyes almost close. What to do? I can sleep. But I choose to make a drawing.

A cloud of resistance

A cloud of resistance

There are five systems in the drawing: the brown, the ochre, the pink, the red in the sky that cannot really be called a system, and the pencil lines.

The pink has the association of body and touching. These are the associations that I have.

The ochre has the association of sand of the deserts around Israel of my youth. Very small particles of this sand used to fly in the air with hot winds, coming from the east. We called these winds Hamsin. It is an Arabic word. I don’t know what it means (something about heat I’m sure) but this was the name that was given to these hot winds from the deserts that brought the sand particles. They flew in the air and would get through any crack and fill the homes with dust.

The dark brown reminds me of mud, of wet earth, and brings associations of the holocaust and wet earth after heavy rains, earth that sticks to your shoes and is hard to get rid of. It slows you down and makes you heavy and wet, from the rain that continues to fall on you.

The red is wounding and maybe death. I think of the death of my father in the war.

The pencil lines are nerves and irritation.

As I write about the associations, my mind opens more and I start to notice the way all the lines entangle themselves with each other to create some kind of a net, a disorganized net. And what connects all the parts? Associations. One thing reminds of another and so on. These are what create this cloud that floats low above the ground and blocks the view.

Then I notice that the blockage is not leak proof. There are little holes and you may be able to look trough them. Sometimes, with clients I invite them to look through similar holes in their blockages and we see what is being kept away. But it is the blockage, the stuff that makes the blockage, which wants to be listened to now.

Suddenly, from all this observing, from becoming more open, I get the big picture. This is a result of having done this many times before, and having seen beyond the blockages many times too. There is infinite freedom beyond this point. All of these parts and associations are the way fear tries to prevent me from letting go of my past and all the ideas that block happiness.

What came to me is to blow it away. I do and in my mind it goes away quite easily. After having seen it so many times, it does not matter what was the content of all these ideas that intertwined with each other. I know there is no reality to them now, so why would I bother. Well, maybe I enjoy finding what they came from, each and every one of them?

I think I do.

But it does not compare to freedom, does it?

150. Resistance

Resistance sometimes comes in sweetly and you don’t even know it is resistance.

Backing up

Backing up

Graceful, with no legs, he stands in front of me and says

Yes, I am very interested in you

Hey wait a second, I think

Where are the decisions made?

Under my hat indeed

And behind my big nose

I look at him again

He is a cut winged angel

Tickling the sky when he tries to fly

Look at the flying orbs I tell him, to make him angry

And I start backing up

Phew!

110. Bad thoughts

There are three ways that I know of, to change reality for the better for you. All of them depend on changing yourself. All of them depend on becoming more and more happy, regardless of circumstances.

One way is to clear subconscious material. Every subconscious hindering or blocking belief that you clear out opens your energy system to a flow of intuition, which is a happier way to live. So the happier you become, the even happier you become. And this can happen, regardless of the circumstances of your life. All three ways are an equal opportunity for all. As you become happier, even in a small measure, you reality starts changing to fit your new inner condition.

The second way is to just decide what is the change that you want to create and imagine living it. This also has to be a change into a better state. You can change to a worse state, but why would anyone choose that. The more vivid and continuous your imagination is, the closer you get to change your subconscious beliefs. There comes a point when the power of the imagination is stronger than the power of the subconscious beliefs, and at that moment the subconscious beliefs change to what you imagined. Now the world around you changes to fit the new belief. But the truth is that at that state you feel so good already that it is all right with you whichever way reality turns out to be.

In both ways you will encounter resistance to change. Some of the beliefs we have in the subconscious are very strong in resisting change. Some give way easier. If you use the first way, you are already exercised in releasing everything that shows up, and you do this with the resistance. But if you use the second way, you may not be ready for the resistance, and especially if it is very strong. So you have to learn how to release blockages, and then you have the tools that you need. When you imagine a better state for your life and a resistance comes up, you use a releasing method to clear the way, and when the way is open, you go back to imagining.

And there is a third way.

It is to always interfere with your thoughts when you catch yourself becoming less happy, and think other thoughts that create a better feeling. This way also generates resistance sometimes, especially when your change of thoughts involves resisting the thoughts that you do not want to have. This can happen pretty easily and everything that you resist in your thought-world, becomes stronger and will fight back, so you have to learn how to release resistances, instead of resisting them.

And here is an example of what had happened to me.

I have been employing the second and third method for about two months.

Changing my thinking to always think thoughts that create better feelings, I caused the negative thoughts to rebel. I remembered the effectiveness of releasing everything that comes up, which is what I did before, and got upset, because this third and second way raised a lot of resistance. Last night I drew and this morning I read my drawing and found that the beliefs in bad luck were fighting back. Here are the drawing and the words.

Falling

Falling

Trying to go right or left

You can’t escape the mud blobs

Jumping at you

Whether you sit or walk

The earth breaks under you

You get in the sled to go uphill

You find it broken

And you are too heavily clothed.

Reading this I knew that I fell.

I always journal, writing without any restriction whatever comes to my mind, and in all cases this has always helped me see what I was feeling, and, seeing it, the feeling would dissolve. This is a good way for me to release. But I tried lately to not have any negative thoughts. The negative thoughts, instead of being nice to me and getting weaker, got stronger.  So this morning I went back to my usual way and wrote about all that is bad and hard and difficult, and very easily my mood changed for the better.

When I was in the bad state I thought:  I have suffered enough. I don’t know if mu body can take it much longer. If you, the All, have anything to say, please do it now.

But now, after writing in my journal I was in a better mood. I had to move my car for parking regulations and went, as always, to the Hungarian Pastry Shop, where I can leave my car nearby unattended for that period of time. Sitting there I asked Intuition: Do you have any answer? And I drew. (As you know, I always have drawing materials with me.)

Bigger systems at work

Bigger systems at work

Then I read, and the words just came to me as follows:

There are bigger patterns at work. Continue and it will clear up.

Well, that’s settled, I thought. And there was nothing else to do about it.

Then the question came:

So who am I?

I drew:

You are al

You are all

And went in with words:

You are many

Intermixed.

You are stable, real-like things

Flowing.

You are thinking landscapes

clear river waters

And mountains in meditation.

You are ancient and intricate

Having all emotions

Riding on peace.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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