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209. Traveling with my clients

Published May 25, 2015 evolving , healing , Intuition , making art , perception , Reading art , Spiritual 2 Comments
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I am leafing through blocks of mixed-media-paper that hold drawings and readings from between May 12th and today, May 25th.

It is amazing to find that all the drawings dealt with the same issue, and that there is a movement there. I was not aware of these as I drew and read every day. They say that if you try to heal yourself, you have a fool for a doctor. But it is not so if you use this method (and a few others). The seeing and understanding with the method are not of the ego-self. The ego-self can easily be fooled by the resisting subconscious. But when the viewing is done by a deeper state of us, deeper than thinking, this view includes the struggle and the resistance that the subconscious performs. It is this view, that makes it possible to see that the resistance is an old choice that may not be serving us any more and that we can now choose differently, if we so desire. The deeper state is a wise and loving state, because it leaves our free choice intact. It only shows us two things: what is going on in the subconscious, and how do we feel about our struggle state. Being in this deeper state that we entered through the process of drawing intuitively, we naturally tend to choose what makes us feel better. This is what guides the choice and this is what creates the movement.

I wrote about this before in this blog, in a slightly different way. I wrote that being in the viewer state we are in a happier mood than the mood of the struggle, and if we have more of the happier mood, the less happy state dissolves. That is true too and these are only different ways to speak about the same thing.

So my subconscious continues dealing with the same issue, and all the people who come to me for therapy during my focused attention on this subject, present different aspects of dealing with the same issue. If I want to help them resolve their aspects of the issue, I’ll have to resolve my aspect first (it can happen through my work with them, but not only).

This gets closer to the true meaning of therapy.

I decided to present some of the drawings and readings from these three books.

I’ll present each drawing in a separate entry, day after day, and it will take about two weeks.

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This is the first. There were many before. This is a part of the page. I decided to start from this as it is a view from outside in a way, and later the eyes go inwards, in the later drawings.

Then tears have made a lake

An old dream

An old dream

Standing in the water

It used to be

A joyful flying machine

With a golden heart

Now it is barren

The paint is peeling

The tears have made

A lake.

Then I asked my inner guide what to do. He said: Go live in it. Take one room and one window. Grow a plant. Play music. Create. Make a huge space in your heart for me, and thrive. Do only what you love.

207. Beyond thinking

Published March 18, 2015 energy , evolving , healing , Intuition , making art , MAking it possible , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , The world of thoughts , Truth Leave a Comment
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The strong part and the weak part

The healthy part and the weak part

This drawing describes me exactly, as I am now. And it can show me the way to change this way that I am, into another one that I prefer, if I feel like it.

It still surprises me to see how well this method works in showing me to myself.

You can say that there are several parts in this drawing. But there is one part that is different from all the rest, so I separate the drawing now, for my purpose, into two parts: the big upper part and the smaller lower part.

The lower part includes the horizontal line in a grayish purple, two strange creatures on the left, a little anemic cloud on the right and even the lower part of both legs of what looks like a child, if you agree to see a child there, wearing green pants and having a brownish head and shoulders.

All these lower components are anemic, so to speak. They don’t have vibrant energy. I hope they will come out with the same effect in the web version of the photographed drawing.

Maybe it is possible to jump in our imagination a step or a continuity further, and to see that the healthy and vibrant bigger part is clearly the winner here, and since they are all connected, the health will spill over and change these anemic parts for the better.

And we can also think further and say that somehow, the lower parts did not get enough energy and they are failing to fulfill their part in the community of the body.

We could say so, and it would make sense, and we could then look for reasons for blocking the energy from flowing into the legs. Or since it is a degenerative disease, as the doctors say, that happens to the whole body, and only starts in the feet, maybe the lack of energy is to the parts that do things in the world, that walk on the earth and that give shape to worldly things. (The hands are the next in line.)

We could go on forever actually, because there will always be something missing from our conclusions and answers. We can never get a complete answer from dealing with the questions only through thinking. Thinking is the biggest limitation that we have as humans. I know that this is a shocking declaration and most people will oppose it. Thinking is our best instrument after all, but only as long as we do not know the bigger truth, which is, that we are not the body and even not our thoughts. We are a consciousness or whatever you want to call it, that is infinite, present in all things, everywhere, and this consciousness or beingness is creating the body and its thinking, to experience creation in a three dimensional world, and to experience being limited but eventually finding the way back to recognizing what we are. It is like sending a part of ourselves to an incredible adventure, in which that part is completely lost, but then, using clues that do not make sense at first, that part finds its way back home, into knowing who it is. That knowing does not happen through thinking. That knowing is not a logical answer to a logical question, but a state of being with wider horizons that are beyond thinking’s limits.

I think this is enough for one entry. This direction will continue in the next entry.

206. So close to the truth

Published February 28, 2015 energy , evolving , healing , making art , MAking it possible , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , The world of thoughts , Truth 2 Comments
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Everything that I used to see as concrete is turning into states of moving energy.

More and more subtle

More and more subtle

I haven’t written for the blog for quite a long time.

The reason is that I am changing and for a while I lost the clear feeling of direction. I would wake up every morning and ask: Where am I? What am I doing here? Where am I going? I’m still doing it.

When I started this blog I was interested in reading my subconscious. I wanted to find everything that stood in the way of the free flow of joy and I wanted to release its hold on the subconscious.

More specifically I wanted to find the thought patterns that created the damage to the nerves of my feet, as you could read in the “about” page.

I thought I had found everything. But the pain is still with me and I know that I am still missing something. Actually I know what I am missing. I need to be in such a sate in which agreeing to suffer is impossible. A state in which word stories are seen through and known to be the illusion that creates illusions.

Some things worked wonderfully. I found some programs in the subconscious that were surprising to me. Again and again I had confirmations to the validity and value of this method that I came up with. I learned to trust it more and more. I explained how the method works a number of times in the blog, and I have written about it more in my book Opening Intuitive Flow Through Artwork. And I wrote about it in different discussion forums. Working so intensely on myself, by using this method, has made me a better therapist. I had a supervision group of art therapists and they learned to use this method too. I did workshops and taught others how to use it. I presented it in conferences and in lectures.

When I decided to stop the public demonstration of the work on the pain, I continued to do the work. I knew that there would be many repetitions as this always happens, and I did not want to describe these in the blog.

But writing the entries to this blog became something that I liked a lot, and I decided to change the purpose of the process that I showed in the blog to seeing how far such work can take me.

I had many glimpses of peace and joy and you could read about them as they happened. After a while my whole perspective has changed. I lost interest in my subconscious blocks. They lost their charm for me. When they come I just release them. The ropes that I saw on my path, and thought that they were snakes, as the Buddhist story tells, turned back into ropes. I still find it interesting to help my clients read their subconscious and release whatever stops them from being free and joyful. But for myself, I am not attracted to these any more.

In time I came to live with another kind of energy. I found myself in awe as I came to be in the presence of infinite peaceful space. It became easier and easier to get there, and my main focus started to be the investigation of this space. Just being there makes you happy without any perceivable reason. I realize that this is what I have to do. I have to be in this presence again and again, as it fixes everything that needs fixing. My clients changed too and nowadays most of them go through experiences that are like mine. They discover their inner voice and inner guidance. They find joy and playfulness when the fears and worries leave them.

Doing this blog, as it follows my adventure of going into myself is still one of the most exciting things for me to do, and you are moving with me to wherever my front line is. I appreciate you very much for being with me on this trip, like old friends.

Some changes have already taken place naturally and I am going on. Please feel comfortable to communicate, if you are moved to do so. Good to have you. Thank you.

205. How can I feel better now?

Published January 22, 2015 energy , evolving , healing , Inner light , Intuition , making art , meditation , perception , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , Truth Leave a Comment
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You are those vibes

You are those vibes

You are swimming in the universe. You ask: How can I feel better now? You sense how the question changes everything in the universe. You gulp it in and swallow the universe completely. You feel how it becomes you. Now you are those vibes. Lick your lips. It was good.

Now, when you start feeling the itch, ask again: How can I feel better now?

203. Celebration with a worry

Published December 24, 2014 energy , evolving , healing , Intuition , making art , Physical and non physical , Reading art Leave a Comment
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Celebration with a worry

Celebration with a worry

I started a face, scrambled of course. It started to have features of a bird and I continued making birds. Not so clear indeed. I did a cloud and a little piece of a plant. Then painted, a long process that lasted till the evening, with breaks of course.

I liked the way it looked, but it had some weakness when you looked at it the way it was supposed to stand.

Turned on its side, so that the right became the ground, it looked good, as if it showed a few people standing in a line. But I wanted it to look good the way I planned it. I added the warm, almost orange brown at the bottom and now it is finished. It looks like a one something, big and showing its muscles, or maybe two things, embracing, while something like a fish or a bird is escaping to the left and did not have time to get an inside color.

It is strange and hard to decipher. The feeling is of some celebration with a worry. This can be its name: Celebration with a worry.

The ground, having that “orangeness” to it, feels hot and dancing. Not stable. Maybe the dancers are trying to avoid standing in one place because it is too hot?

It feels as if the whole scene is passing quickly and will disappear soon.

So what is in it for me?

Yes, the ground is burning under my feet. There is some worry above my head. And I dance with whom? I am showing my hands’ muscles. And something escapes me. It seems like a good state to be in. See? It does not have to be something specific in order to shed light on my condition. Whatever it says, I place my name after it or before, with a colon.

It does not matter so much to me any more. In the bodies, in the ground, in the cloud, in the escaping fish and in us the onlookers, presence is there. And presence goes to unknown depths.

202. Up or down

Published October 27, 2014 evolving , healing , Intuition , making art , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , The world of thoughts , Truth Leave a Comment
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Up or down?

Up or down?

What do we see?

One complexity is flying up in the sky, above another complexity. Maybe the second one is the ground? Maybe it also floats in space?

Maybe the ground is floating in space?

If it does, then this goes along with what I started to experience more and more, that our reality is not so real as we think it is.

In our referential world there is a ground under everything. And if what appears above the ground is floating and does not even touch the ground, does it mean that it is floating really? Is it happy and jumping with joy?

One thing I can tell for sure is that both the ground and the thing that floats above it continue beyond the canvas to the left and to the right.

It seems in both of them that the left side is close to the end or to the beginning. There is less and less, as we approach the left side. So we can guess that if we go a little more to the left there will be the end of the shapes there.

Is this significant? Well yes. We don’t know yet how, but it is something clear.

When we look at the right side, things both in the floating part and in the ground are becoming more spacious.

This state of events leaves the middle area heavier and therefore it attracts our attention to it. We do not pay much attention to the left and the right. But I am used to looking for the bigger context, so I saw it.

The shapes in the floating part seem to be standing, dancing, running and moving. They seem to be moving to the right. That’s because everything is slightly heavier on the right side of the middle.

The shapes in the ground seem to be horizontal. They seem to be holding on to the rest of the shapes, as if trying to avoid being left behind, when everything else moves. If you look at where in this group the weight is, you realize that they even seem to be pulling to the left, back to the beginning.

Now the difference between the sides helps us understand. To the right there is the progress toward the unknown. In the left was the beginning. One group dances to the future and the other group holds on to where they are, afraid to move.

So it is like two worlds, living very close to each other. One is light and happy, and it is going to the future. The other is depressed and lonely and afraid to move. The two worlds don’t touch each other. Maybe they do not want to pay attention to each other. It is only us, the painter and the watchers of the painting, who can see this strange phenomenon.

In the upper part there are the adventurers, the ones who take risks, those who are not afraid to live life to the full.

In the lower part the figures are afraid and in distress.

Within each group the figures collaborate and are of the same three colors, red, orange and purple. So maybe this shows that basically these are of the same kind, those in the upper and the lower parts. But their experience is totally different.

Where would you choose to be?

You see? Suddenly the drawing changed. Before, maybe it was undecipherable and did not speak much to us. Now it is a challenge, pressing you to decide about your life.

It is nice and looks full of wisdom when I speak about this as if these figures represent some other people. But I drew this. Both the upper and the lower parts came from my imagination. So they represent me.

Which of the groups is me? Both.

If I give up on the upper, I’ll be only depressed and suffering. If I let go of the lower part, who knows what will happen? I may expand. I may explode. Everything is possible. We never know until we decide to be that upper part.

But for now I want to tell you that even though these two groups seem to be of different spirit, they actually belong in the same layer of understanding. They belong to where things are different, separate and competing.

So where is the wisdom here?

In the watcher. You and me. Let’s watch.

And if we let go of wanting to be either the upper or the lower parts, who are we? what do we belong to?

201. The vividness of the present moment

Published October 12, 2014 evolving , healing , Inner light , Intuition , making art , meditation , Reading art , Spiritual , Truth Leave a Comment
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Radiating

Radiating

This time I’m not going to write about this painting and the other one down the page. I added them here to decorate. Maybe they are connected?

These words came to me:

As long as you send out, you do not receive.

The elaboration is below.

I am doing short meditations during the day, of relaxing all the focuses. I look inside and find where I am focused and let it go. When I first came to a state without focusing, it felt a little frightening, because as it turns out all or most of our habitual focusing is about wanting to be safe. We are afraid all the time and watch out for whatever might happen. This is why, when I relaxed the focuses, I felt the fear from which they came.

After some time of doing this, I suddenly felt the vividness of the present moment, in a way I have never felt before. I felt how much it is alive. I can’t describe this in words but it is wonderful. So now I understand what it means to be in the moment.

It means first to let go of the fears and trust that you are okay without being on guard. And when the experience of the vividness comes, you know experientially that you are much more than okay. You are in wonderland.

Connect it to your intuitive flow method, says my inner guide.

So I do.

Being in the now happens on its own when you follow only your sense of beauty while making art. It is much easier to be in the moment through artmaking, than to do it mentally. When we do this, we also feel that it is okay to be without our fear focus. Instead we go to our interest, curiosity and love. This is a good way to let go of the fears. You can’t act out of curiosity and out of fear at the same time. If you act out of curiosity, you are not afraid.

And as we go on following the sense of beauty, we stay in this state of experiencing the vividness of the moment for the duration of the artmaking.

When we read the art, we do this while being-in-the-now for a second time, and experience the vividness of our artwork. This is experiencing how it felt to be present a few minutes ago. But the experience of this happens in the present, because it is based on looking at the art now.

Another issue that arises is the idea of “the present.” This idea belongs to the way of understanding that thinks that there is time, there are past, present and future. But what is meant by saying “to be in the present” is not to be in the middle of that line of time. It is about being in a different, deeper state, in which the understanding that there is time does not happen. When we look at it at first we think that this is a strange way of understanding, and that we need to shut off some important capacities in order to imagine that such a state, in which we do not know about time can exist. Eventually this strange state, we come to realize, is the truth of how things are. And the thinking process that we developed as humans, and that has the idea of time in it, is one ingredient of the state of affairs and not the basis of everything else.

Now I think that it is a very good idea to read the art, to find the fears or any other unhappy feelings, and paint them.

As we paint them, we release them. And I have written about this a lot.

In this way there is a complete practice: Draw what is going on inside of you now. Be guided by your sense of beauty only. Read the art, also from the state of awareness and flow, as I teach in many other places, including the book “Opening Intuitive Flow Through Artwork.” Find fears and draw them to release them.

End with a new drawing of “what is happening now” so that you can see that you have changed. When you know that you have changed, the change stays.

Floating landscape

Floating landscape

Curiosity, as it turns out, is openness to receive. It is a burning desire to receive experiences from the universe. Being open like this and receiving experiences is abundance. This is what abundance boils down to. We want to be rich so that we can be unafraid and open up to experience the present moment. We don’t know that this is what we want but it is so. Experiencing the present moment with all its richness and depth is happiness. We do not have to wait until we are rich or until something that we believe will make us experience joy will happen. We just have to release our fears and open up now.

The fear and the caution are defensive activity aimed at what we perceive as outward. It is a pushing away activity. As long as there is this pushing away, there cannot be a receiving.

The trust in the truth of now starts when we discover experientially that the truth has to do with love, with acceptance, with fun, with fulfillment. When we discover this, our attitude starts to change from fear to a desire to have more of the truth. So if you want to help people change their attitude toward the truth, you have to bring them to experience the love, the fun and the acceptance that are in the truth of the moment.

By making art from your sense of beauty, you yourself become the accepting and the curious entity. You experience being awareness in action. You don’t make art from the feeling of wanting to push things away, but from the openness that wants to experience.

So the question now is: How do you bring people to realize that what they do in the artmaking, as they work from their sense of beauty, is the expression of the truth. And how can you bring them to the knowledge that they can become that entity that acts out of the sense of beauty all the time? How can you bring people to relax their judging, and let themselves be this eager and accepting curiosity?

200. Someone is riding the playful waves

Published October 7, 2014 energy , evolving , healing , Inner light , Intuition , making art , Reading art , Spiritual 2 Comments
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Someone is riding the playful waves

Someone is riding the playful waves

I do not plan.

I make what wants to be made.

I listen in and do and do

Until I know it’s finished

I still do not know what it is

I prop it up and look.

I realize I like it.

I find that it’s a happy painting.

Someone is riding the playful waves and is feeling very good.

He comes from green.

He is close to the clouds and can touch them if he wants.

He is bursting with energy

And radiating

Love.

199. The painting of the pain

Published September 28, 2014 energy , evolving , healing , Intuition , making art , meditation , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual Leave a Comment
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Make believe pain

Make believe pain

The pain was strong and unrelenting. I decided to paint it.

In the stage in which it was a drawing only, it expressed the craziness and strength of the pain quite effectively. When I added the colors the effect became somewhat weaker. The power of lines to affect the areas that they point at, was hindered by the viscosity of the colors and also by the effect of the colors. A body of color has an effect of its own and when you place different areas of color next to each other they influence each other and create yet another effect. All these added effects weaken, relatively, the effect that the lines had when they did not compete with the colors. Nevertheless, you can still see the craziness of the pain, the way it spreads in all contradicting directions. This contradiction creates a feeling of struggle and chaos. The chosen colors also cry out from the page. They radiate energy that refuses to settle. This adds to the expression of the power of the pain and the chaos. When you hold this picture in your hands you want to drop it or put it quickly in a box and cover it with a black cloth, to stop that radiation and protruding thorns.

Well, this is how I feel when the pain is so strong and persistent. And since I do not have any way to smother it, as I would have liked to do, I have to come to terms with it. And the most important part of coming to terms is to learn that my mood is not dependent on how my body feels. I can have this pain and still be in a good mood. I can even feel thankfulness to the pain for giving me the opportunity to learn that this is possible.

You may notice that the painting has this air about it of having been done for children. As if fear, danger and threat have been depicted here for a children’s book. Do you get this feeling?

This is due to this distance that I took from the pain, allowing it to be, and taking care of my mood separately. It is still very impressive in its effect, but its power to make me fear is reduced to a make believe fear. It is like a monster in a puppet theater. Even if death will result, it will be a make believe death.

There are two places where the colors that were used are dark and contrast strongly with their immediate environment. One is in the blue that is darker than all the other areas of color and contrasts strongly with the red lines that are touching it. It could have been an opening to the sky and a window to escape through, but the restlessness of the texture is pretty deterring and the strong red lines all around it make it feel dangerous to pass through. So there is no escape.

The other place is in the lower left corner, where the dark violet made the lines stand out so clearly that their drawing character is emphasized. The feeling that these lines give is more like wanting, longing, needing and complaining. Maybe the pain asks for attention, as love was not given at some point to something that wanted to be accepted and loved?

198. The difference that awareness makes

Published September 22, 2014 energy , evolving , healing , Inner light , Intuition , making art , MAking it possible , meditation , Physical and non physical , Reading art , Spiritual , Truth Leave a Comment
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Programs in the subconscious

Programs in the subconscious

I prepared many colors that were to go into many shapes. But when the painting got to this point, I knew it was finished.

There is an area where most of the colors are concentrated. From there, spreading to all directions, this pattern of things-added-to-things, where there are no filled-in colors, goes on beyond the area that we see.

It passed through my mind, before I started writing, that the most important thing for me in making the art is to look very precisely at the experience of the moment. This is what intuition does automatically but it does it in different degrees of precision, based on preparedness, openness, concentration and other conditions. This idea came to me some time before, when I saw, in other cases, that when the art was true to what was experienced in the moment to a greater degree, the art looked very beautiful to me. This makes “beautiful” equal to “what is true now.” I have found this to be true not only in regard to my own art but in regard to the art of clients too. When their art looks very beautiful to me, I know that it is a very good description of what is happening with them now. Interesting, isn’t it? But this time I am thinking about other characteristics of this state.

When the description is precise, the looking itself releases the perceived state completely. The state leaves and a new state rises in the field of experience. The new state that will arise is a response to my vibratory state. If I am confused, a confusing state will arise. If I am happier than before, the new state that will appear for me, will be happier.

If you look at the artwork again, and consider the empty shapes as a structure, ready to be filled out, but not yet filled, then it is like looking at the blueprint of my subconscious. Every empty cell is a belief that can be activated. For the time being, I have focused only on those cells in the middle and they have gotten activated.

Now two things can happen.

If I am not aware, then the entity that sees and experiences the thing that appeared in my experience is my blueprint. My blueprint can also be called my autopilot (or the subconscious). It has habitual responses. Most of the autopilot’s responses have to do with a not-so-good feeling. It is not an empowered state. The responses are not inspired or passionate. They are just automatic. Then another response will arise to the new state and it will go on like this automatically, one response after another, strengthening existing tendencies and leaving me a bit more entrenched in my beliefs, or less flexible.

If I am aware, everything becomes different. First, the awareness makes the experience beautiful. Then, if the state that is experienced is less good feeling than the state of awareness with the beauty that it perceives, the not so good state will dissolve into the better feeling state. This new state will be the state that invites the next experience, so the next experience will be better than the one before. It is a big difference, isn’t it?

So we see that being aware changes the course of events toward better feeling states.

Now imagine that the area in the middle of the artwork that has colors in it is experienced by awareness, as it does in this case, through the artwork. In my mind now, the state that awareness looks at is changing into a better feeling state. And now, everything in its environment has to change too, to match the better state in its midst. This area around the middle is the whole blueprint of expectations, all the potential “work orders” for the autopilot to operate from. So, based on the small change in part of it, the whole blueprint becomes different and we have a different person. I am becoming a different being. Only my habitual thoughts believe that I am still the same.

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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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