Healing and growth through intuitive art
Sitting near the river
He is sitting in meditation
A bigger friend from many lifetimes
Is sitting with him
It is near the river
And you can see the water flow
Through his body
The mountains are really waves
Of soft energy
Warm in the summer’s afternoon
Taking his heart out with them
To the next turn of the river
It is a wonder
That there is still
Some of him
Here.
Crossing over
I am coming in carefully
Habituated into making certain movements
Smooth and strong
Listening in the ways that I have learned
Meaning to just cross over
To the other side
But doing this
I have to step on some accepted wisdom
Of the locals
Graceful and wise
They let me pass
Pretending not to pay attention
While they send me a smile
From the corner of their eye
Time passes
With dark nights and windy rains
In spite of being separate
We get wet together
And we realize
That in our separateness
And in the ways that we communicate
We are playing one game
And we are not two
But one.
Movements made of mistakes
It suddenly came to me
To ask the space to talk about what he sees
That happens in it
It seems like the most surprising act of circus acrobats
He says
In movements that look as if they are all mistakes
And falling down, attempting some spectacular show
The acrobats manage to put up in the air
A variety of movements
That express running and flying
Longing and trying to hold on
To just anything
Culminating in the unfolding of the sweet unknown
Which, of course, is me, the space
Who is talking to you
Right now.
Baby of light
Baby of light
With a hurting lower part
Of the body
Baby of light with a red hand
Baby blue
Baby sad
Baby with water
Murmuring in springs
Underground
Baby with new wings
And soft plumage
Growing.
This is what we can do and this is what we are here for as therapists or healers or whatever.
We only have to assist everything that comes from inside of us in going its way out. It will go if we let it go.
It is all so simple.
So here is what I am letting go of today, this morning, after a night and after a day and after a night and a day and a week and a month and two month and seven years of pain that crawls on you at night and crawls on you in the day and makes you tremble, and makes your nervous system shake day and night, and who makes your body tense, even as you sleep. There is not much that I can do directly with the pain, I have learned this already. I can work at it as we work on changing the direction of a rowboat in the water. We stop rowing in the way we did. We start rowing in the direction we want to go. The boat will still go some more in the direction it was going before, because of the momentum. But eventually, at some point, and it is hard to know exactly where this point is, the boat will be going in the new direction. Not exactly as we planned, but still, in the direction that you want to go. Maybe it will turn out to be even better than you thought?
And how do we let go of things? How do we let go of the old direction?
We just see them from a deeper state. That’s all we have to do. A deeper state means that it is the energy of the truth of who we are. The endless love, the endless joy.
And how do we start rowing in the direction we want to go?
We just stay more in the energy of who we are.
All is a play.
And what a wonderful playing it is.
Go ask Gaugin
I
With the beliefs that I have made
With the trees in me
With the beauty and craziness of it all
In me
I
Take the trees for example
Growing from the hard earth
Like habits
Drinking the blood of the fields
I
Look at the grimace on my face
It is coming out now
From memories
Of colors in the past
I.
Baby of ideas
He is
Playful
Funny
And shimmering
He is
An angel
A light being
The baby of ideas
Always free
You called me
He says
Do you want to play
Together?
He is loving like a child
How can I resist?
How things are formed
How things are formed
In the All
With a dance
With a dream
With roots
And with connections.
The night was torturous.
The pain, which used to be concentrated in one place, spread to bigger areas and to both feet. I don’t know how to describe it so that you will be able to really have a sense of what it is. It is a big experience. Waves after waves of tremendous energy pass through the feet, and hurt as they pass through the hurting places. The hurt is so strong that all my body stiffens, and sometimes, jerky movements happen to the feet and the rest of the body. I clutch with my hands anything that is near them. There is fear of the pain in my stomach and chest, pressure in my throat. There are very few thoughts in my head. I am an old hand. I become the viewer, the spectator of all of these. I let them happen. I gradually calm my reactions and then, sometimes, the pain is reduced. Sometimes I depart from the body and fill the room or the neighborhood. Sometimes I let my imagination take me anywhere it wants to go and I end up in far away places. The pain calls me back and I become the spectator again. Sometimes I force myself to see myself walking in nature, riding my bicycle, swimming, sitting on a hilltop and looking at mountains and rivers.
There is a tremor throughout all the nervous system. If I fall asleep, I wake up after a short while, half an hour or an hour and my whole body shakes strongly from the pain.
I don’t know if this describes my experience well enough. I hope you get some feeling of it. Don’t dwell on it. This is just the beginning. It is going to get better.
This night I did not fall asleep. The pain was too strong and too disturbing. At 2 AM I came to make a drawing, to see what was going on.
And this is the drawing I made.
Darkness strangling the light
I immediately wrote about it with words that came easily, even though I was so tired and longing to sleep.
All the forces of the dark
And all the possibilities of pain
Come to conquer the light
If the light dies
There is no conflict
Any more
The story ends
And what is left
Is love
Everywhere.
Between 4 and 7 I slept three times, for less than an hour every period.
The last sentence that came to me made a big difference in my mood. Or maybe it was a small difference. How can you know?
There are people and guides who advise to acknowledge the pain, to say thank you for its service, as it has pushed me really hard to the life of dedication to being connected with the eternity that I am.
Some guides spoke about how lucky I was to have had something that not just prodded me but really pushed me so hard. Then, after acknowledging, the guides say, move yourself into the condition that you choose. You do this with the imagination, and you make sure that you stay in the feeling of being in such a state, experiencing it as thoroughly as you can. This is the two pronged approach that I actually like.
But I know of another one too, which is more natural. It says: Just see what is going on in the subconscious and let it go. In its place, a better state will arise. This series of drawings and writings presents this second way.
So in the morning, after the usual morning activities, I do a second drawing. There have been many times, in which I did the drawings soon after one another. This time I felt that every drawing gave me some fulfillment and I needed some time to let it do its work in my subconscious, before I started the next drawing. When it felt right I did the next one. Here it is. My question was again: What is going on in my subconscious now?
Running righ, looking left
And this is the text that came spontaneously when the drawing was done.
I feel I am running in two directions
I want to know
That I’m okay already
And do not have to run
Anywhere
I am running very fast
And look back as I run
I hesitate
I’d like to calm down
And run nowhere
Anymore
Everybody is running
I feel I should be running too
But I stopped to ask
What are we escaping?
Maybe I do not have to run?
Maybe I can stay here?
What difference does it make
To an infinite being?
You can see that the mood is totally different. There is movement, hesitation and the dawning of a deeper experience.
I did a few scheduled things and after about an hour I drew again, with the same question.
The baby with the seeds of creation
And wrote again.
The child of wonder
With seeds of all kinds
Is being loved beyond measure
By the guides
Is supported all the time
And all is just
The way it should be.
This ended the process this time. It helped change my mood in a big way. Feeling being loved always makes a big difference. These are my experiences these days. They are available to you too, of course in your own unique ways.
And just to make sure that you know: In the words for the first drawing I mentioned dark forces. Just know: There are no bad forces in the universe, unless you make them in your imagination. You really don’t have to make them. Believe me. Release all your inventions and you’ll find that the universe infinitely loves.
I came to my desk at around 5AM again. I made the drawing that you see here. I wrote what parts of the drawing conveyed to me. I scrambled the sentences and rewrote them in a new order. I read. It did not make much sense to me, so I left it on the desk, to see it in the morning.
In the morning I immediately saw that it was a very coherent advice from my intuition. I want to show you how these things work, because you can do it too. Maybe at first it will feel strange and untrustworthy. But as you do this more times you will start seeing that it never fails to deliver something of importance, assisting you on your path. I am not the only one who has a guide inside of him. Everybody has. Listening to this guidance, you know that you are never alone. You know that you are loved. Basically you realize there is no problem anywhere. There is only your free will, choosing to allow the flow of who-you-are, or resisting it.
Trees do not think
Be very forceful and decisive now
Thinking is like flying to places
It is hard to hold all this in your head
Look at your neighbor the tree
This is the way the air goes through it
The pipe is open and listening
And remember:
Flying is daring.
Now if you look at the drawing you’ll see the little tree near the base, in yellow.
The flesh color part, as if turning toward something, which is outside and being strong and with a specific intension, made me write the first line.
The green shape in the upper right, made me write about flying.
The violet and the dark pink, looking like a living thing breathing, made me write about the pipe, open and listening.
The circle in the upper middle part of the drawing made me think about a head that carries everything.
The flying part brought another sentence about thinking as flying.
The light blue little balloon-like shape, under the head and slightly to the left, made me write the sentence about air.
The tree is a being that has no thoughts to block the flow of what-it-is.
Now when I read the poem, this is what comes to me from the reading:
I am still in the process of healing. It has gone well. Maybe it is the last step. I have to be decisive and keep my focus on being healthy.
My thoughts will take me where I want to go. They will fly me, as it came in the original sentences.
It is hard to do all this from the head, meaning through thoughts of the limited “I”.
This part knows only about differences among things. If you want to go west, thoughts about the east will come up too and the two directions will have to fight with each other. The fighting makes you tired and you lose the focus.
The only way to do it right is through the heart, meaning, opening your mental and emotional being to become a non-resisting pipe, to allowing who-you-truly-are flow through you. This flow, if not hindered, is the solution to everything. It always has a focus and since health is inherent in it, it will bring health, if you want it.
The daring has to do with trusting the unknown to guide you.
When you see in your experience that the unknown loves you and can guide you if you are willing to be guided by it, the trusting becomes easier. The daring becomes a habit.
The strong air taking over
And now not going anywhere
Dead body is struggling
Against the beautiful
I’d say he’s scared
He’s sweet too
And light
But doesn’t know it
Who is breaking and falling apart
Becoming brittle?
Does the beauty break?
Or is it the strong air taking over?
Disappearing is the struggling body
Just as it was going up
To better places
All is good now
Only pleasure.
intuitiveflow 