Archive Page 18

221. The explosion

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One of us complained about a headache. It was the evening talk on a retreat. We all sat around our master. And it was way into the night. When he finished talking this friend raised his hand and complained.

Your headache is just a wandering thought, the master said.

I don’t remember what was spoken after that because this sentence hit me strongly. I would not be able to explain it, but I knew that this was true.

I also had a headache. I was exhausted from the intense concentration that I used in my meditation all through the day.

Soon after the conversation ended we meditated again. The sentence repeated itself in my head. It is true, I thought. The way my body feels is a wandering thought. And just like with every other wandering thought, I can let it go.

Then there was an explosion in my neck. The head was blown away. The throat remained torn to scraps. I saw this clearly as I was floating in the air behind myself. I was very peaceful and in wonder. There was no time.

Now I understand some of it. The pain is a result of a thought. This is clear. Everything that we experience is a result of thoughts that we believe. The experience is not always exactly as we anticipate, but it always matches our vibrational state.

My teacher and many other teachers never explained this. They prefer to leave things mysterious. Or they do not want to give us the knowledge to change our reality. They want us to transcend it.

When I started the blog I knew that the pain and the malfunctioning of the body came from thoughts. I knew that if I released the beliefs that created the malfunctioning, the fundamental belief that creates the body in its healthy state would take back the controls and the body would heal. This is the direction that I took and there is the evidence for it in the blog. But I am still with the malfunction and the pain. Many times lately I felt desperate, tired of the struggle. I wanted to give up. But I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to rest. If it would lead to the death of the body than let it be so.

My essence, the truth of who I am, cannot be harmed.

I think part of my struggle is because I do not want to lose the fight with the powers that, as I imagined, wanted to block me from developing. This struggle belongs to a non-existent figure. I can let it go now. I wrote about this kind of struggle and I can write again in another entry. The interest in finding the way to heal myself should, as I truly believe and as I teach my clients, come from curiosity, playfulness, love, peace and joy. Coming from these energies that are the natural energy of all of us, it cannot be a struggle. It can only be a joy. There should not be a difference between the true expression of who I am and healing. In other words this means that in order to heal we need to be in the energy of the truth of who we are.

So I allowed myself to enter with my boat into the river of who I am, throw the oars away and let the stream take me.

All that I wrote after the end of the healing descriptions (after #58) was about living in the downstream direction.

When the pain is great I loose sight of this sometimes and the old I appears. Maybe I can allow the pain to kill me, bend me down and break me apart? Maybe I can let the head explode and disappear. I can live without a head.

220. Let the dummy share the happiness

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It has been some time since I wrote for this blog. I was changing and needed to focus inward. I was not in the mood to share. I knew I had to get rid of fear once and for all.

During the time that I did not write, it became clear to me that I and everyone of us lives in a unique, private world. This world responds precisely to our vibrations. If we did not have a huge subconscious with many beliefs about the world and life, then everything we wanted would appear in the world that is ours. It is these hidden beliefs that create the universe that we experience. If what we want is contradicted by one of these many beliefs in the subconscious, it will not appear in our universe until we get rid of the belief that contradicts it, or the new belief becomes  more prominent.

When I discovered this more clearly than before, I also understood that nobody needs therapy. Giora,(my name,) who was supposed to live in my body does not really exist. There is a bunch of experiences that are activated by all of those hidden beliefs. One of these beliefs is that they all belong to Giora. That’s all. Just a belief. So who is playing with this body? It is the true self, an infinite consciousness, part of all that is. And just like me, everybody who was my client has a true self and there is nobody who lives in their bodies. The true self is powerful, imaginative, loving and always happy beyond measure. The same is true for everyone. So nothing is wrong with the true owners of the bodies who used to come to me for art therapy.

When I discovered this, I lost interest in therapy. Everything is okay and there is nothing to fix, I knew.

Then, within two weeks all my clients disappeared. I did not tell them to go. But my vibrations were not a match to theirs any more. They went to other countries, they got married, they got ill and went to other states.

It made me happy in some strange way, as I saw that my subconscious is already pretty clean from disturbing beliefs. And where there is no resistance to new vibrations, they manifest immediately.

I came to this relative cleanliness with the help of this method of making intuitive art and reading it. I know I’ll write about the method more in the future, so I allow myself to leave this subject alone in this entry.

The effectiveness of my method, about which I knew already, became even more convincing. It can go very far. It is sweet and wonderful. And it helps clean the subconscious. It also shows the way to live fully.

I can do many other things, I thought. I can make a living by selling art. I can write more books, I can make children’s books, which was my main occupation for many years. There are many things I can do. My new occupation will show itself. So I did not worry.

I also knew that if it will be working with people, it will be different. It won’t be about the psychology that belongs to the personality. Instead, it will be about helping people see the truth and free themselves. IN the process the personality is cleaned anyway. That’s actually what I always did and it was hidden under my practice of art therapy. But it will be different now.

Everything has changed.

And suddenly, without me doing anything, many people started connecting with me on LinkedIn. And then came a wave of new subscribers to my blog, which was asleep in its URL.

I think I know what all of this tells me. Go back, Giora. Yes, you don’t exist. It’s true. But the dummy is useful.

Let the dummy share the happiness of the real one.

And to all the newcomers: A very warm hearted welcome. I hope the blog will be useful to you. The circle of friends has grown.

219. The mirror spoke

Conflicted about direction

Which way to go?

Did a drawing this morning. This morning was a slow one. I woke up at four, drank tea with milk and stayed in bed, sitting with the backing of the couch’s pillow, and the meditation cushion supporting my head. I listened to Rupert Spira talking for a few minutes about how, after awakening, the allure of material, things, disappears. Then it was close to seven and I did everything of the mornings and ate. And here, at this table, I laid my head on my hands and rested again. It is amazing to me how tired I can be, that even after a good night sleep, which I did not have for so many years, I can be so tired still.

Now I have the new watercolor drawing in front of me and I think: Let’s see what is in it.

I can see density, as if it describes stones or packages that somehow got connected to each other in groups. Now we have a few clumps. The way the clumps relate to each other as a group of clumps, as a composition, gives a feeling of an effort. What is the effort? Maybe it is to stay together, while every one of them wants to go somewhere else. This is where the tension comes from.

There is one unfinished piece and it gives the effect of something that was left undone, unfinished. And maybe this effect creates another one, of something that happened in a haste. This whole group of clumps detached itself, or even better, tore itself away from something bigger and found itself free, but conflicted about where to go now. Now that they have freedom, what do they want to do with it?

And before, when I looked at the drawing and did not yet let the words come and tell me this story, the drawing looked like a stranger. How did it come here? What does it have to do with me?

And here we are now. The mirror spoke at last.

218. The knowledge that does not fit in the shape.

Inner sound

Hearing the sound

The knowledge that does not fit in the shape

Requires a mouth that is shut for now

The joy of expanding

Like children in a school break

Running out to the yard

Is like an eye that is open to the ocean

The face that will not be intact any more

Collapses because of an ear that hears the eternal sound

A hair that flies in the wind is left

From the static posture that breaks open.

217. A slight movement of an eyebrow

What is hiding in the forms?

The tilted, hidden story

At first I thought this was going to be a boring drawing with no emotions, no story and nothing happens. As I worked on it, it felt almost like a drawing that came from thinking.

But it didn’t. I find it interesting now. It has a story. The story is whispered. Boiled down to the essence, the story is about real, beautiful, sweet and loving life, hidden in forms. The forms would seem to limit the life, but they can’t. Everything sings. It dances in the air, like the people and cows in paintings by Chagall. It whispers slight differences of colors and shapes. It completes itself as a composition, which is an expression of non-physical relations, involvements and collaborations. It could be called: The hidden joy of inner music.

If it were a person, it would just stand there, well dressed and quiet. But you would notice a very slight movement of an eyebrow and you’ll understand everything.

216. The story point of view and the energy point of view

The influence of the wind.

The left and the right.

There is some discrepancy between the right side and the left side of the picture. The left is loose and hardly organized. It looks like something that is falling apart. The right is better organized, but it is losing some of its order by the pressure and movement that come from the left.

The right is filled with interesting things that try hard to hold on to their shapes. The left looks as if it used to have shapes too, but with the movement, no good form is left in it.

What does it mean?

From the point of view of the story of life, this painting may depict a traumatic and frightening event.

From energy point of view it is just the process of change. In the end of it, maybe there will appear new forms that will be better adjusted for swift movement? And it is also possible that after this movement the forms will disappear all together and there will only be a peaceful sea of energy, in which some things appear and disappear.

The forms are the story.

The sea is the ground of all.

So what do they think about the wind?

From the story point of view it is what brings a disaster.

From energy point of view it is how freedom manifests.

215. A bird came

A bird came

A bird came

For a while animals have been sneaking into my drawings. My drawings were supposed to be abstract but the animals insisted. And now this bird came. I know what it means. A children’s book wants to come into my world.

214. The rebellion in the neck

An unsettled, settled man.

Contemplating head, stormy body and a rebellious neck

If this is a person, then his head looks as if it is planning something. But when you go down to the body, you find it quite emotional. My sense of structure cried out for some stability and this is why the pencil frames appeared, as building blocks that provide some stable interpretation of what is too raw and unplanned. In spite of the frames being so light, the emotions pay respect to them, and they do not go far away from the frames. Or you can say that the frames were sensitive to the rawness of the emotions and framed them only lightly.

In the neck, the free expression of the emotions has to change, so that the lower part can create a connection with the thinking mode of the head. And it is here that some rebellion happens (in blue). The emotions do not want to convert themselves into logic

What do you wish for this man?

That love will be the arranger of the expression of his life and its uniqueness.

And this whole picture explains why it is a bit hard for this person to speak right now. Voice comes from the neck, doesn’t it?

213. The person I could be

Many times I told the story to amazed friends: When you are born in Israel, the manliest man from your family hangs an army helmet 6 feet above the ground in your room, and you have to grow into it.

Of course it is not true.

But in a symbolic way it is true. You are expected to be brave, to become a soldier, to be tough on the outside and soft inside. You won’t show fear or too much sorrow when you face the war and its results, and somehow you will manage to keep a beautiful sensitivity that is very hard to detect, but your wife and good friends will know that it is there. In the right moments it will show up. Every person who was born in Israel is, in a way that enforces this image, called a “Tzabar,” which means a cactus fruit. There are thorns on the outside and it is very sweet inside.

And on May 22nd this man appeared in my art. This is the portrait of the man I almost became.

The person I could be

The man I almost became

This is what I wrote:

Bearded, unshaved, quick to anger. A lot of bitterness born out of tough life. Always suspicious and expecting trouble. Very close to nature, to open sky, to the earth and to the plants. Hard working, used to sweat and to having sore muscles. Will read poetry again after all the fights are settled, which means that he will never read poetry again. He will quote from memory one poem that he will remember before his death.

Come to the funeral.

You can also see a human being who is awake and buried in piles of debris. You can see his sensitivity showing from under the piles. He has a rich variety of responses to all experiences. It is this sensitivity and the many protective responses that created the debris. Now he is planted in a piece of land and protecting every inch of it. The horses go to work every morning, the sweat is pouring. Once a year he cries. In the rest of the days he only changes colors.

———

I know I have never been this man. But the command to be one was kept somewhere in my subconscious. I escaped the helmet just before I hit it (and remained a little short as a result). Now I am okay with the image’s departure.

Good bye old friend.

212. Spots of light on the flow of life

movement infused with feeling good

Spots of light on the flow of life

These are nerves, and the flow of life. The dots are the mysterious spots of light on the flow of life.

If you take those lights away, the nerves will only follow their usual routines for habitual actions. But when you put the spots of happiness in, the nerves and the flow of life become happy too.

This is how the reading came to me.

This view is not scientific for sure. But it comes from being in a meditative state. It is dream-like and feels good. The process that I go through has brought me to a good state.

When we feel good, more unhappy habits float to the surface. They can’t survive in a happy environment. It is a chance to take care of them. This is why we go up and down.


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The healing process

Entries 1-58 show how I use the method of Intuition Through Art to heal myself from Peripheral Neuropathy.

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